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I am with those who say to accept the gift. Perhaps she feels she owes you for something you have done for her, or perhaps she simply feels great affection for you.
Don't spoil your friend's gesture with worry about her finances. You have to trust that she knows what she is doing.
Of course you will write a lovely thank you to her.
I am with those who say to accept the gift. Perhaps she feels she owes you for something you have done for her, or perhaps she simply feels great affection for you.
Don't spoil your friend's gesture with worry about her finances. You have to trust that she knows what she is doing.
Of course you will write a lovely thank you to her.
Yes, she obviously values your friendship. I would accept and give her a gift that is not monetary but that they could use. Even an IOU would be heartfelt but useful. Be thankful you are the recipient of such a lovely gift.
So today, someone that I'm close to came to me and handed me a Christmas card in an envelope. When I opened up the card, there was a $100 bill inside. And the thing is, I know that this person is not doing too well financially. So, I was very surprised that they chose to give me any money. When I opened up the card, I had no idea that there would be money inside.
It's a sweet gesture and I certainly could use the money right now, but I honestly feel that this person needs the money more than I do. Should I return the money? Should I go to person and say, "Thank you, but..."? Or should I just leave it as it is.
OP, I felt the same way when my uncle gave my husband and I gift cards when we bought our apartment. This was a few years ago and he's still struggling financially. I accepted them and thanked him. I know him and he would probably refuse to take them back even if I begged him to so that was that. Just remember his or her kindness in the future if that person ever needs any help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas
Years ago my mother-in-law gave me $100 for a birthday present. She was always struggling with staying afloat financially and I had a good job. But my husband (her son) had become unemployed and it was not our easiest time. But still I was very prideful and viewed myself as being better educated and in a better situation than she was. I refused the money. She burst out crying, I hurt her feelings so badly.
That was about 30 years ago. She is now in her 80's and her son has been dead almost 16 years. We suffered his death together and she joyfully welcomed my new husband 10 years ago. I will see her Christmas Eve because she is my family now. And sometimes I remember that time and am still embarrassed for rebuffing her kind gesture.
That was nice to share. We are financially much better off than my MIL but she gets SO angry if we don't accept her gifts. If she gives us checks, we never cash them (since she doesn't pay attention to her bank account) but she gave us a Target gift card for Christmas and keeps asking my husband, "DID YOU SPEND IT YET?!?" So we do whatever is needed to keep the peace.
So today, someone that I'm close to came to me and handed me a Christmas card in an envelope. When I opened up the card, there was a $100 bill inside. And the thing is, I know that this person is not doing too well financially. So, I was very surprised that they chose to give me any money. When I opened up the card, I had no idea that there would be money inside.
It's a sweet gesture and I certainly could use the money right now, but I honestly feel that this person needs the money more than I do. Should I return the money? Should I go to person and say, "Thank you, but..."? Or should I just leave it as it is.
I don't know what to do. I feel bad.
be creative, show him/her a good deed, or do something together with the money..
Accept the gift and buy something you *need* with it. Do not reject the gift, do not give it back. Do not 'return gift' with money or gift card of any value (limits the giver to a purchase *you* select rather than something else he might have needed had he chosen to buy something with the cash instead of giving it to you). Do not give the gift away to someone else (charity, whatever), the giver could have chosen to do that himself. Do not 'blow' the money on some sort of 'luxury' such as taking him 'out for lunch'.
Even though the original giver may be struggling financially, he/she may perceive that *you* need the money *more*, and is willing to sacrifice his own needs in order to help with yours. Rejecting or returning the gift with cash (or some item such as a gift card with some value) may be interpreted as a rejection of the sacrifice, may induce a perception that his judgment is in error (even if not consciously realized), and may invalidate any sense of 'happiness'/pleasure that he experienced from doing this for you (with his perception that you have a greater need).
Instead, find something that you can do for this person that will indicate how much you value his/her friendship, ideally perhaps something that no one else could (or would) do for him and preferalby something that represents some sort of sacrifice on your part. Be sure to indicate how grateful you are that you were able to purchase [some item] that you *needed* and would not have been able to purchase had it not been for his gift.
Accept it graciously. Over the course of the coming year, invite your friend to dinner, bake him something, invite him to go on a walk with you or do other things that say that you care about this person.
Accept the gift and buy something you *need* with it. Do not reject the gift, do not give it back. Do not 'return gift' with money or gift card of any value (limits the giver to a purchase *you* select rather than something else he might have needed had he chosen to buy something with the cash instead of giving it to you). Do not give the gift away to someone else (charity, whatever), the giver could have chosen to do that himself. Do not 'blow' the money on some sort of 'luxury' such as taking him 'out for lunch'.
Even though the original giver may be struggling financially, he/she may perceive that *you* need the money *more*, and is willing to sacrifice his own needs in order to help with yours. Rejecting or returning the gift with cash (or some item such as a gift card with some value) may be interpreted as a rejection of the sacrifice, may induce a perception that his judgment is in error (even if not consciously realized), and may invalidate any sense of 'happiness'/pleasure that he experienced from doing this for you (with his perception that you have a greater need).
Instead, find something that you can do for this person that will indicate how much you value his/her friendship, ideally perhaps something that no one else could (or would) do for him and preferalby something that represents some sort of sacrifice on your part. Be sure to indicate how grateful you are that you were able to purchase [some item] that you *needed* and would not have been able to purchase had it not been for his gift.
Accept the gift as it was intended when given, do not attempt to return the gift or outgift your friend. If you are uncomfortable keeping the gift donate it to a worthy cause.
Amen.
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