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It's salty and hammy and nasty.
I have had fine hams from around the world, and they are all the same. I have had home-prepared hams, famous hams, grocery hams, catered hams...every time wondering how anyone on God's green earth could actually enjoy more than the first one or two salty, hammy bites.
When served, it should not be the only protein choice.
You said there was other stuff for her to eat, but no other protein (which to many people constitutes the bulk of their meal - not to me, but many if not most Americans).
Am I being too sensitive, or was this extremely rude? I did say something about the Taco Bell. I did it in a joking way, but I said "I can't believe you brought Taco Bell when your grandmother & I made all this homemade food." She said "well, I didn't know what else you were having besides ham and I don't like ham." Where I'm from, if someone is feeding you, you find something to eat & say thank you. If you're hungry when you leave, THEN you get something else on your way home! You don't bring your own bag of fast food. And the take the hostess' seat at the table. She's not a picky 7 yr old, she's an engaged "woman".
How would you have handle this & what would you do going forward?
Understand that younger generations do not think the same as yours or previous generations and are generally emotionally clueless as well at that young age. Sometimes, it is better to not take it personally, some day they may realize what they've done. I have had similar experiences with my nephew and his friends he invited during our Thanksgiving dinner, who brought over gluten free items along with vegan packaged items to supplement what we were serving. Yes, it was awkward, inappropriate, given that they don't have Celiac's and was eating meat just a year ago, and well instead of getting annoyed, I just remembered how irrationally I acted as a younger college grad and i decided to ignore it. It's not worth aggravating over. Sometimes we should all let go and realize what we are doing when celebrating the holidays and have a bit more tolerance. It's not worth getting angry.
The story keeps changing, from the dining room was too big for just those at the dinner so ate in the kitchen, as her husband like things less formal. Then it turned to not being big enough for every one to sit at the same table. And changes, and changes, and changes, all to make the OP look good, and this young woman look bad.
I am a step father, so I know what a step parent should act like. In our home, there is no such thing as step in our feelings and actions towards one another. The OP on the other hand, keeps reminding everyone that it is a Step Daughter, and does it in such a way to make it known she is not the same caliber as the other people at the dinner were. She is beneath the OP and she wants to keep her there. This girl knows how the OP feels about her, and the friendly faces she was there to be with were her father and grandparents. It is very apparent she is not close to the young children the OP wanted to put her with. To be half way comfortable she wanted to sit with the people she loves and is comfortable with and came to be with.
The OP had other ideas, wanting to isolate her away from her father and grandparents. The OP lost the power battle, and is angry about it is very clear.
As to the Taco Bell. When you have a guest that you know cannot or will not eat the main course, any decent hostess will make sure that there is a replacement main course for that person as several people have pointed out. The OP did not do what a good hostess would have done. The young woman apparently knows this would be the case, so brought something that she could eat. It is terrible when a hostess pulls something like this enough times, that a guest has to bring along Taco Bell to have a main course.
It is very apparent the hostess (OP) has done things like this often enough that the young woman knows it is going to happen so she comes prepared with something she can/will eat.
When she saw that the OP was going to try to force her to sit away from the friendly faces there at the dinner which were her father and grand parents she took things into her own hands and sat with them anyway. She wanted to have a chance to visit and be with the people she came over for Christmas to be with, her father and grand parents.
In fact when there is a toddler that is only 2 years old, it would not be considered in polite society acceptable that the mother would want to sit the small child at another table, and put this young woman and her fiance there to look after this baby.
She knows enough to know it is the mothers place to be with her small child and help this baby which is what the 2 year old baby needs, so the young woman made it possible for the mother to have a seat there with her own baby. So she really was the one that wanted to make it possible for the mother to sit with her tiny child, while she sat with her father.
The OP keeps changing her story every time someone makes a good point. In the business and social world, this has a name. It is called damage control. It means keep changing the story, to cover your screw up, trying to come out looking good.
Whoa. Dude, you need to put down the remote and back away from the daytime TV. The Lifetime Channel wouldn't even buy this script.
It's salty and hammy and nasty.
I have had fine hams from around the world, and they are all the same. I have had home-prepared hams, famous hams, grocery hams, catered hams...every time wondering how anyone on God's green earth could actually enjoy more than the first one or two salty, hammy bites.
When served, it should not be the only protein choice.
You said there was other stuff for her to eat, but no other protein (which to many people constitutes the bulk of their meal - not to me, but many if not most Americans).
People on this thread have suggested a number of times that there be an alternative, like chicken. A roast chicken or a pan of chicken breasts is easy to just put in the oven with a few seasonings. It sounds as if ham is Grandma's tradition in this family, but a healthier additional choice is a good idea. Maybe next year Taco Belle can be asked in advance to bring a pan of chicken. I'm not sure if she'll be married by then, but she's engaged and an adult and she can start to contribute to the family dinner. It will be a good maturing experience for her and maybe help close the chasm in this relationship.
I loved ham when I ate meat. I would eat leftovers for days with eggs, on sandwiches, added to vegetables, etc. It's mega salt and fat, though.
Hey, I read that the kitchen opens up into the family room. Great! Stick a card table in there if you need more seating, since the dining room is so isolated.
My dad went for 25+ years without eating red meat. My uncle (not the fast food uncle, the other one) would always bring a ham, and Gram would always make something else, like turkey or salmon or even lasagna. I don't eat poultry at all now, but I roast a bird when people come for Thanksgiving.
My in-laws' arrival is postponed a day, hooray! Thanks, O'Hare!
She should had told you that she didn't like ham. Bad communicating skill coming from her. She wasted all that money on Taco Bell foods when she should got it for cheaper to buy Turkey meat or other side dish at the grocery store. You should write her a letter and tell her that "Taco Bell" dinner won't be very appropriate for Christmas dinner next year.
Hey, I read that the kitchen opens up into the family room. Great! Stick a card table in there if you need more seating, since the dining room is so isolated.
My dad went for 25+ years without eating red meat. My uncle (not the fast food uncle, the other one) would always bring a ham, and Gram would always make something else, like turkey or salmon or even lasagna. I don't eat poultry at all now, but I roast a bird when people come for Thanksgiving.
My in-laws' arrival is postponed a day, hooray! Thanks, O'Hare!
Don't forget to come back here and post any Evil Stepmother-in-law stories!
"We no longer host this sadly because of family issues on both sides. I was very upset when I canceled it last year. This was my first happy Christmas in years! I didn't spend 3 days in the kitchen making dozens of dishes for people who didn't like me. I mean I've been married to the man for over 19 years clearly I'm not going anywhere so get over yourself and if you can't, then we just can't be in your life anymore. It was soooo nice having a stress free Christmas! No one barking orders or complaining there are only 2 shrimp left. The quiet was lovely!"
Pretty serious family drama to cancel altogether! I'm sure you're well-equipped to pass judgment on others & give advice.
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