Holiday Meal Faux Pas (person, brother, Christmas, house)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Reading the other thread about the stepmom dissed by her stepdaughter at Christmas dinner.
Got me thinking, about the various debacles of holiday meals.
Why do people think it's okay to show up 1 1/2 hours late for a holiday meal? Especially if this is a combined effort and some of what will be served is being brought by these very same tardy folks.
A couple of Christmases ago, we had invited my daughter's in-laws as well as g'parent in-laws. Dinner was to be served at 3 PM. I always thought that meant, particularly if I am to bring some of what will be served, that probably I should arrive with my contribution to the meal, at least a few minutes before so the host can either warm up what is to be served, or place it appropriately in the buffet line, etc.
Daughter's in-laws showed up 90 minutes late. No phone call to say they'd run into a terrible traffic jam, they'd gotten lost, abducted by aliens, nothing. No explanation or apology upon arrival either.
THAT .. was aggravating. I had worked very hard on the meal, and gotten everything ready at the appropriate hour, . and it all sat and got cold, waiting for the other guests.
The next time we invited them for a holiday function, we purposely told a fib, .. that we'd eat at 2, knowing full well they'd be late. They were, but only by 30 mins or so, .. so it was all fine.
That would infer that the time designated was mandated by me, the host. It wasn't. It was discussed with these guests as a time was suggested and they were asked if it was suitable to them. That would be the time when one should speak up and perhaps offer, "Oh gee, that's pushing it for us, we also have to be at so and so's house prior to coming there".
I think we all know people who are chronically late! Yes, it is irritating, either deal with it (by telling them an earlier time or specifically call them out about it) - nobody is going to starve because someone was late w/whatever side dish they were bringing. The point is: get together w/those you want to, what happens/happens - don't get stressed out by being so rigid that it "has to be" a certain time. EVERYONE I've ever had host a holiday dinner puts the food out and it's out for awhile - maybe relax some rigid rule about "a sit down dinner" at a precise time?
If you do have a more formal dinner - then it's served to those that are there. It's asinine to sit and wait for late comers unless you know a specific reason (traffic, etc.).
We rarely "hold" a meal for a few late guests - not without very good reason. And even then, sometimes we'll just say "OK, let's eat - we'll enjoy them when they get here!"
As the hostess, I always always provide the main items - the main meat, at least one vegetable, some rolls, and at least one dessert. That way, no matter who shows up late or forgets to bring something or whatever - we have a full meal. If someone is late, we try calling and texting them. If they don't answer within a few minutes, we just go ahead and eat. If they do answer, and it's a good reason for being late, we will usually wait half an hour. After that - sorry, we're eating. I think it's more rude to force other guests to wait.
I don't like having to cater to people who are perpetually late. I also think that with cell phones, it's super easy for people who are going to be late to simply CALL. When they won't call, to me that's generally a bad sign. I don't want to discuss all the "what ifs" - such as "what if their cell phones are all dead and they all forgot their chargers and no one ever has a charger in their car," or "what if they've been in a terrible accident and they're all unconscious." Of course those are remote possibilities, but with the chronically late, they are almost certainly not the case. They're just late - again - as usual - expecting everyone else to wait on them. No bueno.
In recent years my brother hosts our family holiday meals, often with 20 to 25 guests to as many as 40 guests. He tells everyone the timeline weeks in advance, usually 11:15 AM light snacks & drinks and sit down to eat at noon, sharp. And, when he says noon, sharp, he means noon, sharp. Once or twice, as a joke, he even locked the front door at noon so that anyone late needed to ring the doorbell and interrupt everyone who were already sitting down and eating.
Trust me no one comes late a second time.
Now, if someone has car trouble or is delayed for some other reason and calls first they are welcomed with open arms when they arrive. Of course, everyone has already sat down to eat at noon.
Reading the other thread about the stepmom dissed by her stepdaughter at Christmas dinner.
Got me thinking, about the various debacles of holiday meals.
Why do people think it's okay to show up 1 1/2 hours late for a holiday meal? Especially if this is a combined effort and some of what will be served is being brought by these very same tardy folks.
A couple of Christmases ago, we had invited my daughter's in-laws as well as g'parent in-laws. Dinner was to be served at 3 PM. I always thought that meant, particularly if I am to bring some of what will be served, that probably I should arrive with my contribution to the meal, at least a few minutes before so the host can either warm up what is to be served, or place it appropriately in the buffet line, etc.
Daughter's in-laws showed up 90 minutes late. No phone call to say they'd run into a terrible traffic jam, they'd gotten lost, abducted by aliens, nothing. No explanation or apology upon arrival either.
THAT .. was aggravating. I had worked very hard on the meal, and gotten everything ready at the appropriate hour, . and it all sat and got cold, waiting for the other guests.
The next time we invited them for a holiday function, we purposely told a fib, .. that we'd eat at 2, knowing full well they'd be late. They were, but only by 30 mins or so, .. so it was all fine.
Why do people do that? So inconsiderate.
I would never wait that long for others to arrive. I'd probably give them 20-30 minutes, call them and then gather everyone who showed up on time to eat. They can eat when they get there. I would never let all the food go to waste just because 3 people didn't show up.
Reading the other thread about the stepmom dissed by her stepdaughter at Christmas dinner.
Got me thinking, about the various debacles of holiday meals.
Why do people think it's okay to show up 1 1/2 hours late for a holiday meal? Especially if this is a combined effort and some of what will be served is being brought by these very same tardy folks.
A couple of Christmases ago, we had invited my daughter's in-laws as well as g'parent in-laws. Dinner was to be served at 3 PM. I always thought that meant, particularly if I am to bring some of what will be served, that probably I should arrive with my contribution to the meal, at least a few minutes before so the host can either warm up what is to be served, or place it appropriately in the buffet line, etc.
Daughter's in-laws showed up 90 minutes late. No phone call to say they'd run into a terrible traffic jam, they'd gotten lost, abducted by aliens, nothing. No explanation or apology upon arrival either.
THAT .. was aggravating. I had worked very hard on the meal, and gotten everything ready at the appropriate hour, . and it all sat and got cold, waiting for the other guests.
The next time we invited them for a holiday function, we purposely told a fib, .. that we'd eat at 2, knowing full well they'd be late. They were, but only by 30 mins or so, .. so it was all fine.
Why do people do that? So inconsiderate.
You are a better person then I...they would never be invited to my home again...I wouldn't say a word or cause trouble for my daughter...just never again...
Assuming everyone has a cellphone? (some just can't afford one) - just saying.....
are you shaming and casting aspersions and judgment on those of us who don't have a cell phone as being poor, underachievers, don't have our life together, can't manage our finances, made poor career choices, are objects of pity, and are inferior to cell phone owners?
[said with humor after reading that other thread there are some very funny tangents]
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
after reading that other thread there are some very funny tangents]
