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I have an old roommate, "Beth," from college. We were very close back then (about ten years ago). After college, we lived on opposite sides of the country, but we'd see each other about once or twice a year. We kind of lost touch, and we haven't seen each other in three years.
About two ago, she and her husband moved to Charlottesville, Virginia (about 3 1/2 hours south of here), and we committed to see each other more often. We all seemed genuinely excited about the prospect. I made an attempt to visit in March, but they were out of town visiting her in-laws.
Anyway, I texted Beth about a week ago say, "Hey Beth! Looking to come down to Virginia sometime this winter to visit you and Zach. Would any weekend be best?"
She didn't reply for three days. Her response read, "Hey! We'd love to host you. First two weeks in February would be best."
I replied, "Thanks for offering to host me. That's never expected. Let's plan for the first weekend of February. Can't wait to see you!"
She didn't replay.
Judging these texts, do you think she might be feeling lukewarm about my visit?
How do I gracefully receive reassurance that they're really excited to have me visit and stay with them? If they're not, how to I gracefully bow out?
Gosh it's so hard to tell. It might have taken her a while to get back about a date because she had to look at her calendar and check with hubby. But I don't know about the other. Why not call her and let her know if it's not a good time of year, you totally understand (just giving her an out).
She may be hesitating because she may perceive that you invited yourself stay with her. You might want to make it clear that you'll get a hotel because you don't want to impose.
I have an old roommate, "Beth," from college. We were very close back then (about ten years ago). After college, we lived on opposite sides of the country, but we'd see each other about once or twice a year. We kind of lost touch, and we haven't seen each other in three years.
About two ago, she and her husband moved to Charlottesville, Virginia (about 3 1/2 hours south of here), and we committed to see each other more often. We all seemed genuinely excited about the prospect. I made an attempt to visit in March, but they were out of town visiting her in-laws.
Anyway, I texted Beth about a week ago say, "Hey Beth! Looking to come down to Virginia sometime this winter to visit you and Zach. Would any weekend be best?"
She didn't reply for three days. Her response read, "Hey! We'd love to host you. First two weeks in February would be best."
I replied, "Thanks for offering to host me. That's never expected. Let's plan for the first weekend of February. Can't wait to see you!"
She didn't replay.
Judging these texts, do you think she might be feeling lukewarm about my visit?
How do I gracefully receive reassurance that they're really excited to have me visit and stay with them? If they're not, how to I gracefully bow out?
You should have called her instead. Texting is a bit too impersonal for such a thing/request/plan.
You should have called her instead. Texting is a bit too impersonal for such a thing/request/plan.
I agree, but this friend has never really liked talking on the phone all that much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
She may be hesitating because she may perceive that you invited yourself stay with her. You might want to make it clear that you'll get a hotel because you don't want to impose.
I think this is probably right, although it wasn't at all my intention. Whenever I stay with friends or family, I always treat the host with gifts and food equal to the cost of a night at a reasonable hotel. And I think she knows me well enough to know that I know to do that.
I think I'll call her (despite her aversion to phones), and say "Thank you for your generosity, but it may be best that I stay in a hotel." If she asks why, I'll say that I'm bringing down a bit of work.
If she insists on me staying with her, I will.
If she does not insist, I'll book the hotel.
Last edited by Dawn.Davenport; 12-12-2015 at 05:31 PM..
I think this is probably right, although it wasn't at all my intention. Whenever I stay with friends or family, I always treat the host with gifts and food equal to the cost of a night at a reasonable hotel. And I think she knows me well enough to know that I know to do that.
I think I'll call her (despite her aversion to phones), and say "Thank you for your generosity, but it may be best that I stay in a hotel." If she asks why, I'll say that I'm bringing down a bit of work.
If she insists on me staying with her, I will.
If she does not insist, I'll book the hotel.
You could play dumb and ask her "what hotel would you recommend nearby?" She could say, "oh, don't be silly, we have a guest room," or "the Sheraton's nice." Then you'll know where you stand without putting her on the spot.
(Re: your username, I just saw John Waters on his Christmas tour last night. )
The first text sent was, seemingly, a plan for you to stay there for a weekend... she hesitated for days.... that should be a clue.
I don't think that's a clue. It would take me days to sync my schedule with my husband's to pick a day. I'm not the best about texting right away if the text comes in when I am having other things going on.
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