Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are you bothered that he doesn't want too many black people in his city or just that he had the nerve to say it? Are you currently living in a city with a large black population or interested in relocating to one?
Would you turn down a life altering opportunity if it was in NY, LA, or DC?
Really it just seems like the easiest way of dealing with that kind of thing. I don't want to start arguments with strangers - that doesn't seem wise or even safe. But is it ethically sound to identify yourself as a member of the group that is the subject of the insult if you're not actually a member of the group?
I would have just shrugged. Some battles are worth fighting and some are not - this was not one of them. I can't bring myself to get worked up by every little thing someone says. I'm not an officer with the Thought Police.
I don't want to confront total strangers. But the other day I ran across a man who had found his girlfriend's dog running loose and didn't have a leash. I let him have one of those slip leads I had in my car and keep for just such occasions - the vet gives them out for free, and I have a ton.
Well, it was patterned like a rainbow, and the guy says to me in a kind of protesting tone that everyone would think he was gay and then said to the dog "well I'll guess we'll be homos together." If I hadn't been more concerned about the dog than the guy, I'd have taken the damn leash back. And I regretted not confronting him or at least saying something like "Wow, that's offensive."
I was wondering if a good way to deal with those situations with strangers would be to simply say "I'm gay." Or "I'm Jewish." Or something like that. And just walk away. On one hand, I'm uncomfortable with lying, but on the other hand I also see it as an act of solidarity. There are historical precedents.
Really it just seems like the easiest way of dealing with that kind of thing. I don't want to start arguments with strangers - that doesn't seem wise or even safe. But is it ethically sound to identify yourself as a member of the group that is the subject of the insult if you're not actually a member of the group?
You did what you felt was right for the dog, is the confrontation with the human worth it? Generally that answer is no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns
I have always done this. If my only contact with them is has been over the phone, I'll even say I am black (which would be impossible face-to-face). It's always been funny to see them trip over their tongues, apologizing. I never correct myself. It's a teachable moment.
Lying to someone is not a *teachable moment* it is a lie no matter how you justify it.
I don't want to confront total strangers. But the other day I ran across a man who had found his girlfriend's dog running loose and didn't have a leash. I let him have one of those slip leads I had in my car and keep for just such occasions - the vet gives them out for free, and I have a ton.
Well, it was patterned like a rainbow, and the guy says to me in a kind of protesting tone that everyone would think he was gay and then said to the dog "well I'll guess we'll be homos together." If I hadn't been more concerned about the dog than the guy, I'd have taken the damn leash back. And I regretted not confronting him or at least saying something like "Wow, that's offensive."
I was wondering if a good way to deal with those situations with strangers would be to simply say "I'm gay." Or "I'm Jewish." Or something like that. And just walk away. On one hand, I'm uncomfortable with lying, but on the other hand I also see it as an act of solidarity. There are historical precedents.
Really it just seems like the easiest way of dealing with that kind of thing. I don't want to start arguments with strangers - that doesn't seem wise or even safe. But is it ethically sound to identify yourself as a member of the group that is the subject of the insult if you're not actually a member of the group?
Life must be REALLY rough for people like you. I couldn't imagine being made of glass.
I have a rainbow mug I've had since I was 15, it was an FTD pick me up bouquet my aunt sent me when I was in the hospital. Someone at work rolled his eyes at it (I recognized he meant it in jest so I did not take it personally) and I said "Gay people do not own the rainbow" and he laughed and said I was absolutely right. Which IMHO removes the comment from the realm of a conversation about bigotry into a more practical thought that: Lots of people find rainbows pretty. The fact that I have a rainbow mug says nothing about my feelings about homosexuality. And by not making a big stinkin deal about it, he got my point AND did not walk away thinking what a beyotch I am. I thought it was pretty effective on my part.
Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-08-2016 at 07:08 PM..
Reason: off topic and inappropriate
I don't want to confront total strangers. But the other day I ran across a man who had found his girlfriend's dog running loose and didn't have a leash. I let him have one of those slip leads I had in my car and keep for just such occasions - the vet gives them out for free, and I have a ton.
Well, it was patterned like a rainbow, and the guy says to me in a kind of protesting tone that everyone would think he was gay and then said to the dog "well I'll guess we'll be homos together." If I hadn't been more concerned about the dog than the guy, I'd have taken the damn leash back. And I regretted not confronting him or at least saying something like "Wow, that's offensive."
I was wondering if a good way to deal with those situations with strangers would be to simply say "I'm gay." Or "I'm Jewish." Or something like that. And just walk away. On one hand, I'm uncomfortable with lying, but on the other hand I also see it as an act of solidarity. There are historical precedents.
Really it just seems like the easiest way of dealing with that kind of thing. I don't want to start arguments with strangers - that doesn't seem wise or even safe. But is it ethically sound to identify yourself as a member of the group that is the subject of the insult if you're not actually a member of the group?
I don't understand the need for lying. Why don't you say something like (as it sounds like it is the case) "Hey, I'm offended by that. I have a lot of respect for gay people." You wouldn't be lying, and you'd get your point across. You don't have to state it argumentatively, just factually and in a friendly tone. The other person can respond by saying something like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way," or "I think you're a loser, homo and *I'm* offended by *you*" or anything in between (or nothing at all, as is most likely).
The lying idea, to me seems passive-aggressive; and it seems like it would achieve about the same responses. Also I personally think it is wrong to lie to others.
Similar thing happened to me outta the blue. I was playing pickup pickle ball and was talking to someone I knew by sight and first name but not much else. Just chitchat and he said he and wife had recently moved from city A to city B (both nearby) and said "It was getting too black there". I didn't ask him why they moved, he just said it.
What's wrong with that? That's why Congress passed all those laws against residential segregation in the 1960's -- so that blacks could move away from neighborhoods that, in their opinion, were "too black".
Life must be REALLY rough for people like you. I couldn't imagine being made of glass.
Actually, life is really great for me - in fact, it's part of the reason I am more attuned to this kind of thing.
If you're going to crap wholesale on another group of people when I do you a favor, I'm inclined to take a dim view of your character (not only did I give him a leash, but I also let him call his girlfriend on my phone to let her know the dog had gotten out). In this particular case, I have many close gay friends and gay rights is a cause that I have supported through donations and marches. When an ignorant d-bag throws out a comment like that, I see yet another person who stands between my friends and equal treatment. Yet another d-bag who will treat them like crap in a bar one night. Yet another d-bag who will insult them on the street. Possibly even another d-bag who will think it's socially acceptable to beat them up for being gay.
I'm not made of glass at all. What are you made of? Passivity and indifference? Congrats.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
