Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Agree you are financing her boozing. You could reposition your thinking; as a friend you wouldn't want to be an enabler and by lending her money you would be enabling her problem.
I don't know about you or others on here; but I look at somebody very closely when they first "friend up" to me. What does this person do? What kind of habits? Drink excessively...card play too much (gamble), drugs....waste money on crap...all these things. How is this person with responsibilities...with money, with job, etc.
Does this person look to get drunk every day by 2pm...? Observe people closely and THEN decide if you want to be friends...
Money...I don't loan. EVER. - Because people never pay you back.
I"m not a bank.
She wouldn't have ever paid you back. You shouldn't have offered her the money in the first place and it will be awkward to tell her you changed your mind, but you'll manage.
$900 a month on alcohol is quite a bit...she's not drinking the cheapest stuff out there for sure. I had a friend who was an alcoholic and she drank a half gallon of cheap vodka every night and spent $450/month on it. That's not a habit someone can keep up forever...my friend became very ill after a while and couldn't keep any food down anymore. She also became unable to work because of her drinking. I don't know what became of her, because I lost touch with her when I wouldn't loan her money.
Alcoholics just don't make good friends. In the early stages of things when they're still managing to balance drinking and their other obligations, they're not that bad, but eventually they can't manage it all and they start asking for help that it's inappropriate to ask for.
First of all, never-never-never lend $$ if you cannot afford to lose it. But if you do lend it, you must consider that you can't dictate how it is spent unless you pay a bill directly ("Need money to pay your electric bill? Let's go pay it right now!").
She is likely a girl-drink-drunk--she's spending money on fancy-schmancy drinks in a bar. $9.50, but it's pink & comes with an umbrella! She may even be one of those "I never drink alone" drunks who finances other drunks so she feels less pathetic.
But the really telling thing is yet to come. When you tell her you realized you just weren't able to lend the money, she may turn on you, and blame you for all of her issues. None of them are your fault. None of them are under your control. YOU are not doing anything to her. YOU are not harming her in any way. YOU are not making her situation worse. She will probably try to manipulate you into feeling that you are. You cannot buy into it. If she drops you as a friend, so be it. Be firm, be adult, be confident that you are in the right place. Let her rant & rail if she needs to, but do not be pulled down with her.
I sincerely hope when you tell her you can't lend the money she is understanding and values your friendship more than $270. But if she doesn't, let her walk. You will be doing yourself an enormous favor. I wish you all the best.
Surround yourself with friends who are smart, have drive, and are successful. They will encourage you and help you. This "friend" will only bring you down, closer to her level, while draining you of emotional energy, and perhaps money.
Surround yourself with friends who are smart, have drive, and are successful. They will encourage you and help you. This "friend" will only bring you down, closer to her level, while draining you of emotional energy, and perhaps money.
EWWWW Yikes. No I would not give a dime to someone who spends that much money on drinking. You are watching a train wreck heading into a tunnel speeding into another on coming train. Take it from someone who's been there one to many times with dysfunctional alcoholics. Break that tie. It's not a pretty thing watching someone you care about disappear into a bottle.
You need some strict boundaries with people like that. I walked away from my best friend a couple of years before she drank herself to death at 59. I'm her age now and I can't imagine giving up so much life for a bottle.
You can't help her, you can't save her. You can only be dragged down by her. Save yourself from drowning and swim away from that sinking ship.
What is missing from this strange, one-and-done story, is what the OP's response was when her friend told her she spent almost $1000 a month on booze.
Seriously, OP, what did you say? What came out of your mouth at this unbelievable news?
I cannot count the number of times these type posters tell a long story with shocking quotes from others, but never, EVER record any aspect of their response. Almost like they forgot to fill in that element of the tale, which every writer knows from Fiction 101. Narrator reacts to the plot development.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
