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Calling him directly IMO would be rude. The accepted way for a family member to find out is to talk to the mother or father, which I did. They seemed already informed about it.
No, the ACCEPTED way for one adult to deal with another adult (he IS married, right? Pretty sure he's an adult) would be to pick up the phone and say, "Look, Nephew, I'll be honest with you -- I'm disappointed that we aren't included in your graduation plans. I understand that you might not be able to invite everyone you might want to, but if that's the case, I'd appreciate it if you'd just come to me and tell me. If it's for some other reason, if I've done something to offend you or your wife, I'd like to know so I can make amends."
Quote:
Originally Posted by imagardener
The limit on tickets is something I understand, it is an undergraduate degree but not an enormous class graduating all together, that hasn't been said at all. I am not changing my will lol but if I am the only close family member (in a very small family on his fathers side I'm only aunt in-state) it will make me realize he does not consider us family if his other aunts and uncles (mothers sibs) are invited and we are not. That is really the heart of the matter.
You also mentioned that he is now married. So now, not only does he have HIS family to consider, he may also has his WIFE'S family to consider. Perhaps he has grown close to his in-laws?
OK folks, problem solved. Nephew called, no limit on attendees, no one let us know we were invited (until now) but we are welcome to come.
1. I would never take him out of the will and I think I said that almost immediately in my second post. Not like me to say things like that but possibly a med reaction causing temporary stupidity. I was actually just back from ER (first time for me) because none of my docs were available and a skin infection just went crazy. Lots of RX and a glass of wine (that's RX isn't it?)
2. Some of your comments were unnecessarily harsh considering you don't know me. Perhaps you don't care about your family and whether you are invited to milestones. I love my family and am hurt if we don't get invited to something that everyone else was invited to. Yes, everyone else except us was invited.
Hope this settles things but feel free to pile on if that's what you need to do. I will not be monitoring or responding. It's done.
PS Those who said they would be glad to NOT be invited: haha I completely understand your feelings since we've flown to graduations and been frozen or heated to death and trapped for hours. It's what we are willing to do to share our niece or nephews big days. We aren't able to get to all of them but make an effort, especially if it's driving distance.
Please, put on your big boy pants. No one was "harsh" with you, it was pointed out that there may be limited seating, and since your nephew is a grown man, if you have an issue with him, deal with him, not his parents.
Than you turn around and insult others saying they don't care about their families.
Your issue has been resolved anyway, and quite frankly compared to what some people have going on who post here, a very insignifigant one in the scheme of things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga
No, the ACCEPTED way for one adult to deal with another adult (he IS married, right? Pretty sure he's an adult) would be to pick up the phone and say, "Look, Nephew, I'll be honest with you -- I'm disappointed that we aren't included in your graduation plans. I understand that you might not be able to invite everyone you might want to, but if that's the case, I'd appreciate it if you'd just come to me and tell me. If it's for some other reason, if I've done something to offend you or your wife, I'd like to know so I can make amends."
You also mentioned that he is now married. So now, not only does he have HIS family to consider, he may also has his WIFE'S family to consider. Perhaps he has grown close to his in-laws?
I've never gotten upset at not being invited to a college graduation so I guess I don't care about my family...hahahhaha that's a good one op thanks for the laugh.
Calling him directly IMO would be rude. The accepted way for a family member to find out is to talk to the mother or father, which I did. They seemed already informed about it.
The limit on tickets is something I understand, it is an undergraduate degree but not an enormous class graduating all together, that hasn't been said at all. I am not changing my will lol but if I am the only close family member (in a very small family on his fathers side I'm only aunt in-state) it will make me realize he does not consider us family if his other aunts and uncles (mothers sibs) are invited and we are not. That is really the heart of the matter.
If I called how would that conversation go?
"Congratulations on your graduation. I wish we had been invited." Not going to do that.
Some people are gifted at doing things like this but I am not.
thinkalot: No, that would really be rude and not my point at all.
Send a lovely card congratulating him on his accomplishment MINUS any money you would have normally tucked into that card. He will get the message if that is a departure from the norm on your behalf.
OK folks, problem solved. Nephew called, no limit on attendees, no one let us know we were invited (until now) but we are welcome to come.
1. I would never take him out of the will and I think I said that almost immediately in my second post. Not like me to say things like that ...snipped....
2. Some of your comments were unnecessarily harsh considering you don't know me. Perhaps you don't care about your family and whether you are invited to milestones. I love my family and am hurt if we don't get invited to something that everyone else was invited to. Yes, everyone else except us was invited.
PS Those who said they would be glad to NOT be invited: haha I completely understand your feelings since we've flown to graduations and been frozen or heated to death and trapped for hours. It's what we are willing to do to share our niece or nephews big days. We aren't able to get to all of them but make an effort, especially if it's driving distance.
Good post and you are fine with me. Did not take initial remarks as serious. Hope you all enjoy your time doing this. Thoughtful thing to do. Being on the outside takes work sometimes to stay connected when you want to be. I have seen too many families drift apart through lack of interest, laziness, carelessness when there was no good reason to let it happen.
In my family, no one is expected to attend niece and nephews' college or even high school graduations, and we are very close with no major issues at all between us, but that's just us...
Only one (an aunt) of my seven aunts and uncles came to my college graduation. We didn't personally ask anyone except grandparents, and AFAIK no one expected or even asked to come other than my one aunt who came. She is my godmother and lives right in our town, so out of everyone, my immediate family is closest with her and hers. My one uncle (godfather) was considering coming but ultimately decided not to, which was fine with us. My whole family (grandparents and parents' siblings) lives in the very small state of NJ and my graduation was in NYC, so it's not even like we all live far and anyone would have had to go far. I guess in my family it's just different, but OP don't think that anyone who doesn't go to college grad ceremonies isn't close with their families, because that's certainly not the case... IMO your family seems to be a bit unusual in how close you are and especially what you personally expect.
I know this is now resolved and OP has it all worked out, but I also think this was something unusual to get so upset about. I'm glad OP has it all worked out, though. If it got the OP so upset and this is something important to him or her, then I guess it's good everything is fine now.
I have been to two college graduations so far, they were my own, and I did not want to be there. I would think it would be a blessing to not get invited.
I feel the same about weddings. I am all for the party after the wedding but I don't want to sit through the ceremony. the majority of people I am thinking, would be happier to just go to the reception. If I were to write a book on getting married I would write that couples should go to the court and get married, and spend money on a big party.
I hate to be the turd in the punchbowl, but really, if you do not care enough about the couple to attend the actual marriage ceremony, which is the whole point, then just going to the party and eating their food is pretty crass.
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He will get the message if that is a departure from the norm on your behalf. 
