Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You posted about this beforehand in the Relationships forum, asking if people thought you had made the right decision in skipping the picnic to hang around the house because your GF threw a fit and didn't want to go. Most people thought you had NOT made a good choice and advised you to learn how to assert yourself in your relationships.
Now you're here in Non-Romantic, asking what to do because your mom is mad that you didn't go.
Regardless of which forum you post in, the main point is that you HAVE to learn how to establish emotional boundaries and balance the relationships with those you care about.
Whatever choice you make, TELL PEOPLE the choice and why you're making it. Hopefully you didn't just skip the picnic but told your mom you wouldn't be there.
In any case, she's being passive-aggressive now in response to your choice, and you have to learn how to deal with that too.
Thanks Wsmn4life for helping to connect the dots. Would have been nice if the OP had given the full story on this repost.
OP, so is Mom mad at you or your girlfriend? If every family get together also includes dogs, then you better tell your mom the truth why you're not going.
If your parents didn't beat you mercilessly growing up then you should show up at "FAMILY" holidays. Notice I said "FAMILY" holidays. Not daily, not monthly, not foreign nations holidays. "FAMILY" holidays are for families and if you are not going to show up you need to explain why, like an adult.
"...How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!"
If your parents didn't beat you mercilessly growing up then you should show up at "FAMILY" holidays. Notice I said "FAMILY" holidays. Not daily, not monthly, not foreign nations holidays. "FAMILY" holidays are for families and if you are not going to show up you need to explain why, like an adult.
"...How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!"
Wow, this attitude is bizarre to me. When you leave the nest, you are considered an adult and as such are able to make your own decisions where to go and who to spend time with. If you have a SO, how do you decide which family to spend time with, what if both of them play the guilt card to their offspring, do they both have to leave each other to go with their own relatives? I am sure glad we don't roll that way.
We live really close (I am talking about a short walk) to Hubby's family, and they get that we have our own lives and they open their doors to all who want to come, including the so's family, but they also don't make anyone feel bad if they miss something, regardless of the reason.
We did Christmas ONE TIME with ex's extended family and said NEVER, EVER again, the kids wanted to be home with their own things, own friends, etc. Thankfully no one even tried to guilt us, that's just terrible. It is time to make your own traditions, some with, some without the extended family.
Memorial day, especially, is not a "family day" except that we make it so, it is to honor our fallen service members. Feel guilty for missing a picnic or BBQ? I don't think so.
OP, tell you mom you hope she had fun, and you'll get together another time. If your gf was also making you feel bad for wanting to spend time with your family, shame on her as well. I don't blame you at all for saying heck with it and going to work, next time, though, remember that you don't owe them excuses or explanations, just tell them you will or won't be there and do what you want and don't let either of them guilt you.
The OP lead us to believe that he missed the gathering because of work. That's what I based my prior post on.
Even with the new info, that he hadn't seen his GF in a couple weeks, and he'd worked some long days, I think that's all the excuse needed.
Although, reading the other thread, it seems like he wanted to go and didn't because hes GF didn't. I don't know if that's the right reason not to go. If he wanted to, he should have gone.
Although, reading the other thread, it seems like he wanted to go and didn't because hes GF didn't. I don't know if that's the right reason not to go. If he wanted to, he should have gone.
He did want to go. There were going to be relatives there he hadn't seen in a while.
He could have gone for two hours and still had plenty of time to spend with the GF.
You posted about this beforehand in the Relationships forum, asking if people thought you had made the right decision in skipping the picnic to hang around the house because your GF threw a fit and didn't want to go. Most people thought you had NOT made a good choice and advised you to learn how to assert yourself in your relationships.
Now you're here in Non-Romantic, asking what to do because your mom is mad that you didn't go.
Regardless of which forum you post in, the main point is that you HAVE to learn how to establish emotional boundaries and balance the relationships with those you care about.
Whatever choice you make, TELL PEOPLE the choice and why you're making it. Hopefully you didn't just skip the picnic but told your mom you wouldn't be there.
In any case, she's being passive-aggressive now in response to your choice, and you have to learn how to deal with that too.
Well wait a minute. It seems he has two different versions. On this thread he made it sound like he couldn't go due to work.
Now there is another thread saying it was about spending time with his girlfriend?
I realize it's the Internet, but this is a regular poster. If he can't be honest about what happened, why should we offer advice?
Not much different than real life when someone doesn't tell you the whole story but wants your empathy.
The BBQ family event was on Sunday. He's working today and trying to have a text convo with his mother, I don't really get why. Obviously a glutton for punishment.
Whatever the reason he didn't go, it's his decision and his mother shouldn't be making him feel guilty. He is a grown man not a child. He has a right to his own life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
