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I think some of the stupidest advice on City-Data are those who suggest you "just move" to another state or part of the country. Ok, my job is here, my friends are here, my elderly mother is here--and the advice was unsolicited anyway. It usually comes in conversations wherein I mention that the COL where I am is higher/not the same as the cornfield from which they are typing.
For example, someone saying you can live on $1000 a month if your mortgage is paid. Well, no. Taxes on my little condo are $4800 a year. "OH GOD JUST MOVE!"
I'm just now seeing this response and I literally laughed out loud!
Advise is best given in very low doses and when someone really wants it and needs your particular variety of it. Lol. How much advise that someone has given you has really been valuable? I can think of only a few people or more who have personally given me great advise.
I'm sorry, but I am giving you ADVICE right here whether you want it or not. I ADVISE you to use a C when spelling ADVICE.
The one I'm tired of is the "A real man would..." tripe. This buzzword is only used whenever someone won't tolerate some princesses every whim and fantasy.
Nope, I have no such "void." The reason I "snark" is to discharge, not to receive anything. I can only read so many posters trying to convince another poster that they must have an autism spectrum disorder because they don't like loud noise and they once had trouble reading someone's body language, or that their sometimes-selfish partner is a narcissist, or that all the person needs to do about stress is diet and exercise (rather than attack the actual stressful issue) before the inner snark in me rises to the surface like so much bile. I purge that bile by typing snarky posts like the one that spawned this thread, then I chuckle and move on. Hopefully along the way a handful of people will read it and say "hey, I agree, I hate that too!" or a smaller handful of people might develop some modicum of self-awareness and think "hey, maybe I give out trite advice like that without really considering the person's unique situation, and perhaps I'll stop that, since it seems to annoy others." So in some tiny way, snarking can make the world a better place for all of us.
I'm mostly talking about here in the C-D forums, but also on other online media.
(This is mean to be a fun thread and not to bash people, even if I do tend to get a little snarky).
We often see the same advice given out over and over and over and over. It becomes laughable after a while. I read a question or problem someone posts, and I tell myself, okay, someone's going to advise ___ and someone else will advise ____. Then BAM! predictably, that advise comes up in a post, and I just laugh. Most of these bits of advice are trite, useless, or people just give it as advise because they think it sounds nice. And 99.9999% of the time the person giving the advice does not practice it themselves. But all these bits advice really accomplish is to make you go
My Examples:
Whenever someone posts about stress, anything about health, etc, there is always advice about diet, exercise, and yoga.
Whenever someone posts about anything stress-related, someone advised meditation.
You'd think that if everyone practiced yoga and meditation and ate well and exercised, there would be no problems in the world! We'd all be healthy mentally and physically and no one would get diseases or disorders that affect their lives.
Whenever someone posts about a problematic person in their life, someone will advise that they completely cut out the "toxic" person from their life. Someone else will advise that the poster read about narcissism and that the problematic person is likely a narcissist. Someone else will post "you need to sit her down and tell her....." So a reader gets the sense that every interpersonal problem can be solved by labeling the person as a narcissist, cutting the out of your life, or having a direct touchy-feely heart-to-heart talk (gag). It reminds me of that Dear Abby column people used to read like 30 years ago: Sit the person down and talk to them... Please! Life pretty goes more smoothly if you avoid all that icky directness.
Whenever someone posts about something others do that's annoying (in traffic, in public, in the workplace, etc) someone absolutely must jump in and advise that we cannot "judge" others and someone else will say that we are making ourselves unhappy by paying the tiniest amount of attention to what others do, and we need to just pay attention to our own lives. Yeah, right, we shouldn't form opinions about stuff people do that ticks off everyone around them? It's healthy to live in a little egocentric bubble and only pay attention to our own bubble and not what's happening around us?
So, what over-used piece of advice make you roll your eyes?
Haha I like all of this. I encounter the first example all the time. Gee diet and exercise improves your health? Why I never thought of that esp when doctors push you to do that
As far as the job aspect, it's varied but still predictable. I usually get a few different responses:
-join the military
-lie
-be yourself (well yes if I can't lie I need to be myself but they often don't really tell me how)
-no one owes you a job
-keep trying
-volunteer
I always think about this because I get told this the most and now my coach has stopped working with me because I haven't done it but I feel so forced into it that the very thought of it makes my depression worse. I just want to work somewhere for money right now and then if I have to I can volunteer on the side to get into my field.
-network
-make a business
-have you tried temping?
-move
I know it is hard to advise on getting a job. I think that's why a lot of people have stopped posting after a while but *sighs* doesn't make it any less frustrating that I don't really get advice that I've been able to put into place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Three Wolves In Snow
Oy, I have an older brother who says things like that. "God gave the problems to us because he knew that we were strong enough to handle them whereas other people would crumble."
What kind of horsecrap is that? No matter what you believe, what the heck is that baloney?
What doesn't kill you, blah, blah, blah.
This too shall pass, blah, blah, blah.
The wisdom that you are ........shut. up.
I don't even want "I'm sorry you're going through this" because it feels dismissive. When I get to the point that I'm complaining about something, I want someone to say, "That SUCKS! That unbelievably sucks! You know what, let's go do something fun."
That's it. That's all. Nothing else. No assvice, no "hope this helps", no "God this" or "Strength that", no "sorry" just tell me that you agree it horrifically sucks, and then let's go do something that takes my mind off of it.
Yes! I'll admit it. I am sometimes guilty of "everything happens for a reason" because I do feel that to be true a lot of times but the problem is then you go looking for the reason and if you can't find a good one it makes you go insane. I try not to say that to other people because of this. Because even if there is a reason, it's hard to find it at the time.
I really hate the god is not giving you more than you can handle.
Hello? If I am able to handle it then why the f am I in a doom and gloom mood?
Quote:
Originally Posted by IheartWA
I hate it when someone tells another to "grow up." It's completely dismissive of that's person's experience, personhood, and it confers they are a child. Even if the person is acting childish, telling them to "grow up", no, there's a better way to articulate feelings.
People have told me this too. I find it highly ironic.
You know what I really hate though? When you confess your feelings about someone and if it is outside the realm of someone's understanding, they will just tell you something along the lines "you're just infatuated. get over it" but I'm very confident these are the same people who will tell you "don't settle. it's not good for you or the other person" Thankfully some people are more understanding but many people if they've never experienced such a thing they're quick to assess instead of listening.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellenrr
I don't understand why some people need the snark so much.
perhaps some people on this thread are filling a void in their life, by cracking on what others find useful, compassionate and compelling.
I have gotten so much help from this CD forum- from curtains to cars to relationships to health.
In a forum so large, there are bound to be things repeated.
If it annoys you, skip it...
if it's not useful to you, skip it..
problem solved.
That's nice but I often post online because I can't get the answer IRL so it's frustrating to just get similar advice. I know people are often just trying to help and being ignored isn't fun either but it'd be nice if someone more helpful came along more often.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
I think some of the advice is repeated because it actually works for a lot of people.
I guess my peeve is when you are informed about something, give the details and others completely ignore the details. It's like you are on step 5 of something and seeking help to get to step 6, but the responses are at step 1 or 2.
Yes it's probly because I'm a verbose poster but I've had instances where I say I'm depressed and people tell me to seek therapy but I already said that I did that in an earlier post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I don't find the advice to completely cut the "toxic" family member from your life to be realistic. Limit contact? sure. Never, ever speak to your mother again? Not likely.
I actually agree with cutting contact. I don't think cutting them out of your life has to be taken literally..just can mean minimal contact but even so I don't think you necessarily have to see the person at all. There's no law that says you have to speak to your mom. I haven't spoken to my father in over 8 years except for that one message on FB two years ago.
Nevertheless that doesn't change the fact that toxic people can still hurt so cutting contact is not always enough but it certainly should be the first step.
Last edited by Nickchick; 08-05-2016 at 06:58 PM..
Actually, the proper generic answer to "how do I lose weight" is:
Over a period of time (usually weeks), burn more calories than your body takes in on a daily basis.
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