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So many of us have posted about this. Stumbled upon this article and thought the author really nailed it. I especially like where she acknowledges that genuine two-way relationships are rare and where she resolves to leave middle school behind, albeit 40 years after the fact:
So what do you think? To me her attitude is very healthy. It accepts reality. She is content with what is. She sees her social world shrinking because of this, but thinks it will be ultimately more satisfying. I like that she is an educational psychologist and parenting coach---she is not just a crazy reclusive cat lady (not that there's anything wrong with that! ) I don't see her as a defeatist, just a realist who has the grace to not force things or expect people to change.
It's been 50 years for me since middle school, but I think I'm ready to leave the angst and drama behind for good. How about you?
Read the article and she genuinely seems like the kind of "writer" that encourages to leave false friends and later encourages to "market yourself" and "be a brand!" to get them, that kind of nonsense. She seems completely overwhelmed by the fact she has feelings, then uses the final space to advertise some book..no thank you.
The author said, among other things, that by making her social world smaller, she's less jealous of friends and relatives who are “popular.”
This struck me as odd because I have never been envious of others who are popular. Certainly I've noticed there are people who seem to be well-liked but when I looked at the situation closer, I've observed that being well-liked mainly comes from trafficking in banalities. Could it be the best way to be popular is to be incredibly unremarkable? If you're bright, you'll have to dumb down your speech and thought patterns to win the acclaim of others. That is, if your only goal is to add people, any people, to your fan club.
Be more selective from the get-go. Only select people who seem worthy of you. I'll bet you end up with fewer one-way relationships.
My whole life I have tried to change people who don’t want to change.
Its no wonder she has had problems with relationships all her life. Trying to change people? Sheesh. Be yourself, accept others for who they are, and you'll have good relationships. Its not rocket science.
So what do you think? To me her attitude is very healthy. It accepts reality. She is content with what is. ---she is not just a crazy reclusive cat lady (not that there's anything wrong with that! )
I'd rather take advice from a "crazy reclusive cat lady" any day.
The writer may have accepted reality.....but it sure took her long enough.
My whole life I have tried to change people who don’t want to change.
Its no wonder she has had problems with relationships all her life. Trying to change people? Sheesh. Be yourself, accept others for who they are, and you'll have good relationships. Its not rocket science.
Exactly, you either accept them or you distance yourself.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in what she posted. We see so many posts here about these one way relationships that never work well for both parties.
I do agree that friends should limited to close friends and relatives. There is no need to continually put yourself out there for people who don't care about you.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 07-02-2016 at 05:31 AM..
Reason: deleted Facebook reference
Part of her problem lied in her expectations. Just because you're doing something nice for someone, it should be unconditional. Don't do something expecting the same in return. Because you will run into many disappointments with that mentality. The ones you keep, the good people, will repay you through some means, whether through a later play date or "just because" text, or email or card. Just don't expect it right away.
She's a PSYCHOLOGIST and it took that long for her to figure that out? Dear lord, what is her problem? She should ask for her money back from the university that gave her that fake degree.
I learned most of that schtako in middle school. The kids wearing Izods were MEAN and I was not jealous of their notoriety (which is not the same as popularity, because truly popular people are nice). so I made my own small circle of nice people. Problem solved.
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) I don't see her as a defeatist, just a realist who has the grace to not force things or expect people to change.
