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2) Of course abandoning a child is not a good choice, but it sounds like this girl had a LOT of challenges and was not equipped to deal emotionally with ANY of it. What good does it do to debate her fitness as a mom???
Having a tough life and being in the foster system your whole life doesn't excuse leaving your child at a doorstep. I'm sorry but this isn't a lifetime movie, mothers can't just do that, regardless of their emotional instability and hardships. It's completely unethical and selfish. I may not have experienced this firsthand but my values tell me what she did was messed up. The fact she gave her baby to some other random family so they could love her the way she couldn't is also really messed up. She should love her child more than anything. I can't fathom not being loved by my mom. Also, the fact she herself was abandoned as a baby and put in foster care makes what she did even worse because she knew what it would be like growing up without biological parents.
I feel extremely tempted to talk to her daughter, she's nearly 15 now, she could tell me what her life's been like without a biological mom.
Maybe she wanted to give the baby up because she actually did love it and knew someone else could do a way better job than she could. It's a common misperception that people give up their babies because they don't love them. There are plenty of adopted children out there who will tell you that they had a much better life because of the loving decision their birth parent made.
Ok, so why not go through the proper adoption process? Why abandon your own child at a random house and hope there's a chance they're decent people and are actually going to keep it? She spent her whole life in the foster system, she knew what it was like to be lonely and without a family, yet she chose to do the exact same thing to her baby? I remember her always complaining about how she wished her life was different and how she wished she had a stable, loving family. Such hypocrisy.
If she actually loved her daughter she wouldn't have given her up. She would have fought on and ensured the best possible life for the both of them. Life isn't fair. It's tough. And she made the mistake of getting pregnant at 17 in the first place. She should have either aborted the baby or she should have sucked it up and raised her. I'm sorry but that's life. She should have been more responsible than that.
Having a tough life and being in the foster system your whole life doesn't excuse leaving your child at a doorstep. I'm sorry but this isn't a lifetime movie, mothers can't just do that, regardless of their emotional instability and hardships. It's completely unethical and selfish.
I don't see anyone here arguing otherwise.
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Originally Posted by castle.knights
I may not have experienced this firsthand but my values tell me what she did was messed up. The fact she gave her baby to some other random family so they could love her the way she couldn't is also really messed up. She should love her child more than anything.
Uh-huh. Walk a mile in her shoes at age 16 and see if you feel the same way.
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Originally Posted by castle.knights
I can't fathom not being loved by my mom.
Consider yourself fortunate, but not better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by castle.knights
Also, the fact she herself was abandoned as a baby and put in foster care makes what she did even worse because she knew what it would be like growing up without biological parents.
This is your naivete showing. You are being SO judgmental about someone whose life you really know nothing about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by castle.knights
I feel extremely tempted to talk to her daughter, she's nearly 15 now, she could tell me what her life's been like without a biological mom.
WHY DO YOU CARE? This is a very bad idea. What good would your meddling do at this point??? And why is it such a burr under your saddle all of a sudden?
WHY DO YOU CARE? This is a very bad idea. What good would your meddling do at this point??? And why is it such a burr under your saddle all of a sudden?
I care because this girl was left at a DOORSTEP and was abandoned by her own mother, someone I knew and was actually friends with. I want to see if her life has turned out ok. I care about her. I want to know if she's adopted, if she's in the foster system, if she's still with the family who's doorstep she was uncaringly left on.
I care because this girl was left at a DOORSTEP and was abandoned by her own mother, someone I knew and was actually friends with. I want to see if her life has turned out ok. I care about her. I want to know if she's adopted, if she's in the foster system, if she's still with the family who's doorstep she was uncaringly left on.
Someone you were SUCH good friends with that you walked away during the most trying and traumatic time of her life?? Such good friends that you can't even say if she was living with a foster family or on her own.
One thing I know, having worked with teen moms, is that they don't all consider themselves as moms.
They usually don't want to be pregnant and see the baby as something scary that happened TO them. It's often not a happy, healthy mindset.
Frankly, your story doesn't make a lot of sense. What is really going on? How old are you now?
Postpartum depression is VERY real and it sounds as if this girl had it. If she hadn't had a stable home life herself, the postpartum depression would most likely be even worse. Without an adequate support system, she'd have no one to assist her.
It's not right to simply abandon a baby. Of course not. But the reason WHY she would do it is easy for me to see... young, post pregnancy hormones completely out of whack, postpartum depression, lack of support... it makes people do crazy things.
If you haven't gone through this, you simply cannot understand what your former friend experienced. A person can judge all day, but it doesn't bring them closer to understanding. If they want to understand, research into postpartum behaviors would be the first step.
Someone you were SUCH good friends with that you walked away during the most trying and traumatic time of her life?? Such good friends that you can't even say if she was living with a foster family or on her own.
One thing I know, having worked with teen moms, is that they don't all consider themselves as moms.
They usually don't want to be pregnant and see the baby as something scary that happened TO them. It's often not a happy, healthy mindset.
Frankly, your story doesn't make a lot of sense. What is really going on? How old are you now?
I'm 32. And yeah, we were good friends, I'm not sure why you'd doubt that. I just couldn't remember if she joined the program when she was 16 or 17, I know she was in it at some point though, the lines are just a little blurred.
There's nothing that's "really" going on, all that's going on is that I suddenly can't stop thinking about this and that I'd like to meet her daughter and talk to her a bit. I'm interested in how a mother can do something like that to her child. If I were a mother, would I ever dream of doing that? Wouldn't I love my child no matter what and stay with her no matter what? I would. So why didn't she? It's borderline psychopathy honestly.
I'm 32. And yeah, we were good friends, I'm not sure why you'd doubt that. I just couldn't remember if she joined the program when she was 16 or 17, I know she was in it at some point though, the lines are just a little blurred.
There's nothing that's "really" going on, all that's going on is that I suddenly can't stop thinking about this and that I'd like to meet her daughter and talk to her a bit. I'm interested in how a mother can do something like that to her child. If I were a mother, would I ever dream of doing that? Wouldn't I love my child no matter what and stay with her no matter what? I would. So why didn't she? It's borderline psychopathy honestly.
Again, what business is it of yours? NONE.
The child may not even know about the circumstances of her birth. What in the world are you trying to prove here?
Your "concern" is misplaced. You are inserting yourself into a situation in which you don't belong.
I think it's more that you feel guilty for walking out on your friend when she really needed you and you're trying to mitigate it by blaming her for making a decision you can't understand. The last thing that child needs is someone coming along and telling them how wrong their mother was and how inexcusable her actions were.
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