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Why is everyone on this thread telling OP to move out? Isn't that running away from the problem instead of fixing it? Clearly, OP values his relationship with his friend a great deal. He has also spoken about this issue with his friend - another suggestion that everyone is repeating.
My two cents - she is not being creepy or needy. Just that there has been a change in the dynamics of her friendship with OP (and the time they used to spend with each other) and feels that OP has become more distant. This happens sooner or later in literally any relationship. Perhaps in a way, she is even feeling guilty that she is neglecting her friendship because she herself is spending too much time with her boyfriend. So is instead urging OP to spend more time with her and her boyfriend, and "hang out" more.
My suggestion would be a gentle but firm approach. Tell her this is going to be inevitable and they will have to work out the new dynamics together, and that it doesn't mean their friendship is falling apart. And it often helps if you actually spell out the stuff - about why OP's friend is doing this. And it could very well be that your friend continues to complain a few times. If you do treat her as your sister, then treat her like one. Let her complain but you continue to do what you think is right, and discuss it with her rationally but firmly. She will get the message after a few protests.
Talked with her again today and she apologized for being so possessive. She's been on some new meds that have been causing her severe mood swings not just with me but other people as well (I didn't know this until just now). She said she's going to work on it.
Tell her you have a life outside of your apartment and do not need her permission to live that life.
Also tell her you do not feel the need to entertain her boyfriend.
Talked with her again today and she apologized for being so possessive. She's been on some new meds that have been causing her severe mood swings not just with me but other people as well (I didn't know this until just now). She said she's going to work on it.
We'll see...
Glad it has been addressed. Maintain an arms length approach with her though. Let your new behavior in doing your own thing be the moniker moving forward. More is said silently thru behavior than her words.
She really does seem controlling...and that is a reflection on her...sad really.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adric
Thanks for all of the replies guys!
Talked with her again today and she apologized for being so possessive. She's been on some new meds that have been causing her severe mood swings not just with me but other people as well (I didn't know this until just now). She said she's going to work on it.
We'll see...
Hopefully it is all worked out now. Sometimes we women can get emotional if our hormones are messed up and some meds will do that to us.
Hi I read your OP and it really resonated with me for some reason. Thought I'd share my insight. Hope its helpful:
I think the issue is being caused by the nature of your relationship with your friend. Although she is "like" a sister to you she's not actually your sister. She is actually just a really really good friend, who you have a close relationship with. And the thing about friendships is not all are forever-- in fact very few friends will be with us until the very end. It's very normal for her as a 31 yr old adult woman to be spending the majority of her time and energy with her partner and perhaps building a future with him. As a result it's a natural progression that her other relationships will take a back seat. Likewise it's very normal for you as a 31 yr old adult man to have numerous friends and potential partners. You aren't committed to your friend because you've known each other for 12 good+bad years. It could be time to reevaluate yourselves and move in your own directions. Not with any bad vibes and feelings, but just a desire for each to live the best life that they can, even if that's without each other.
The awesome thing about healthy sibling bonds is regardless of how much time has passed between speaking- when you see each other there's always that same consistent relationship and love. You have an understanding that no one is competing for that relationship or space in each other's heart. So there's less of a possessive and unstable relationship. You will both know no one can replace your place in their life. If she's truly a "sister" to you then this will stand true. If it doesn't then you probs wanna reevaluate the true foundation and nature of your friendship.
You people are 31 years old? Is there some compelling reason all of you need to live under the same roof?
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