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What is the best way to go about handling when one half of a couple that you are friends with has cheated on a spouse in the past and probably still is cheating now? You've known things have been strained and tense between this couple for awhile now and it didn't really surprise you all that much when the wife told you that the husband has/is cheating. You're still friends with each of them but you're very disgusted with the cheating spouse and are wondering how you can keep your mouth shut without lashing out in defense for the other spouse, even though you know it isn't any of your business.
You want to be supportive to the spouse who has been cheated on and don't want to rock any boats by trying to take sides and making things worse. Basically, what's the best way to go about being supportive without being openly judgemental?
Usually the spouse that's being cheated on just wants you to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on. She doesn't need you to tell her what to do since she already knows what to do or not to do. Just be a comfort to her while stating "I understand how you feel", or ask her what her plans are & give her support. Don't bad mouth her husband cause ya never know they just might work it out & then she'll resent you for things you've said. I'm glad you're wise enough to know that being judgmental is not the solution.
Usually the spouse that's being cheated on just wants you to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on. She doesn't need you to tell her what to do since she already knows what to do or not to do. Just be a comfort to her while stating "I understand how you feel", or ask her what her plans are & give her support. Don't bad mouth her husband cause ya never know they just might work it out & then she'll resent you for things you've said. I'm glad you're wise enough to know that being judgmental is not the solution.
What is the best way to go about handling when one half of a couple that you are friends with has cheated on a spouse in the past and probably still is cheating now? You've known things have been strained and tense between this couple for awhile now and it didn't really surprise you all that much when the wife told you that the husband has/is cheating. You're still friends with each of them but you're very disgusted with the cheating spouse and are wondering how you can keep your mouth shut without lashing out in defense for the other spouse, even though you know it isn't any of your business.
You want to be supportive to the spouse who has been cheated on and don't want to rock any boats by trying to take sides and making things worse. Basically, what's the best way to go about being supportive without being openly judgemental?
The situation I became involved in was a bit worse - the wife cheated and told me in great detail and with great gushing enthusiasm. Her husband did not know.
Essentially she made me her passive accomplice.
I killed my friendship with her, which meant having to avoid her husband....otherwise I would have had to explain. A year later he emailed me. He had found out in some way, but she was denying it and accusing him of being wildly jealous. And she said she wanted to separate now in any case. At that point I confirmed what he already knew as she was too gutless to be honest and trying still to make him -and their kids - the goats.
I guess if the wife in your knows without a doubt that her husband is cheating, I would find the situation very, very difficult. When you are with both of them you would have to act as if everything is roses, but when you are with her you will want to be supportive.
I'm a lousy actor. I would not be able to act in as friendly a manner with the cheating spouse as before. Socializing with them alone as a couple would be very difficult, in groups easier. And it would sure be hard to be supportive without slipping into an accusatory mode sometimes, and other folks have pointed out the potential problem there. I don't envy you and I have no advice.
Probably I would have to withdraw and be friendly only with the wife.
You really have to just take her lead. Several years ago my best friend moved across the country with his then-girlfriend. Not long afterwards she cheated on him and they broke up. I talked to him, listened to his problems, and offered my support but tried not to withhold judgement. A few month's later they were back together again. I talked to him about it and he explained to me how and why he had forgiven her, etc. At first I was (privately) upset that he took her back because of the way she had hurt him. After a bit of thinking I realized that it was between them and not my place to be upset and my job was to support him regardless of his choices.
Fast forward several more years and they are happily married. I enjoy spending time with them when I am able to, and I think she is a great match for my friend. I'm glad that I never interjected my negative feelings. People do make mistakes and my friend was able to come to terms with that and his life is better for it.
I'm not saying that the story I shared applies to all situations, but it is an example of why it is best to try and stay out of it as much as possible.
Thank you, everyone. I can fake it if need be and pretty much act the same around the husband, no matter how many dark thoughts I'm having. When my friend, the wife, told me about it I told her that she needs to do what she feels is going to be the best thing for her, whether it be to stay or divorce him.
I also advised her to seek out a therapist, too. She's like me, though, in the sense that she doesn't confide in people that often without feeling very comfortable and only to people you know won't judge you as much. Basically, we confide in almost no one. I'm glad she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me and I let her know that I'm always available to listen to her.
What is the best way to go about handling when one half of a couple that you are friends with has cheated on a spouse in the past and probably still is cheating now? You've known things have been strained and tense between this couple for awhile now and it didn't really surprise you all that much when the wife told you that the husband has/is cheating. You're still friends with each of them but you're very disgusted with the cheating spouse and are wondering how you can keep your mouth shut without lashing out in defense for the other spouse, even though you know it isn't any of your business.
You want to be supportive to the spouse who has been cheated on and don't want to rock any boats by trying to take sides and making things worse. Basically, what's the best way to go about being supportive without being openly judgemental?
The way I see it is this... if you would want to know if your spouse was betraying you, then say something. If you wouldn't want to know, then stay silent.
Transparency in relationships, include moral/ethical matters occur.
I never promote disengenous behavior amongst friends. When in her home, I will be the guest...
And when she visits my home, it's a safe haven... Yet Not once have I silently approved of the waywards' antics. My friends already know what is and isn't tolerable... None of my friends though stayed after learning... They never saw a reason to live thru the lie.
I don't have to show regard to a person who harms my friends.. I simply have to be there to keep regarding my friend
If you want to retain the friendship fake it till you make it. After a while you'll get over feeling like you are faking it and it will be the new normal.
If you want to retain the friendship fake it till you make it. After a while you'll get over feeling like you are faking it and it will be the new normal.
I do want to retain the friendship, as she's a good person and someone I get on with very well. How sad it will be if the new normal has to transpire out of faking it. I really hope it doesn't come to that. To be honest, I don't think this couple is well-suited to one another and would be better off being friends and co-parent their children. But, that's just my opinion and I won't give it to her.
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