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No, it's understandable that you would feel as you do. I, too, would be happy to be rid of my abuser.
But the pain from the abuse you suffered can cause a lot of problems in later life. I would advise you to seek therapy. You should not live with a unhealed, festering wound in your heart for the rest of your life.
Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
Good evening, folks.
Backstory - My mother's brother molested me as a child for about a year. I told my mother, who did nothing. They were both addicted to drugs at the time and I had to continue to live in the house with him until I turned 18. Let me clarify that he did stop once I told my mother, but I had to continue to live with him in fear for years. Needless to say, I have never spoken to him again.
FF to present day. Both are 'saved', and my mother and sister expect me to forgive and forget. After all, 'he was on drugs at the time and was a different person (my sister's words)'. 'The blood of Jesus covers all' (my mom).
To this day, my uncle has not admitted what he has done to me.
My mother called me this afternoon with the news that his liver is failing and he has days to live. She was crying and upset. I said, 'Ok.' and basically hung up the phone.
I am angry at my mother, because while I understand that he is her brother, I am her child. And I do not understand crying for the person who hurt your child.
I guess I see my mother's grief as a slap in the face. Not sure how I should feel, honestly. And I realize that I am making this about me. But shouldn't it be, where she is concerned?
Am I wrong, City-Data?
And no, I'm not going to the funeral. I cannot sit there and listen to people speak about how wonderful he is.
Nope, you are not wrong. My father beat me so hard I often could not go to school for days. I disconnected from him, and only found out he had died 17 years ago this past year. I have no regrets about the disconnection at all. If anyone had told me I HAD to see him, I would diplomatically tell them to pound salt, advising if that message was not comprehended, a stronger one was to follow.
As Blazer Prophet said, forgiveness results from healing and brings about deeper healing. It's not something you do because you have a spiritual gun shoved in your face, and it's not denial or rug-sweeping. What your family is asking you for is not forgiveness. They just want you to shut up, play along and deny reality and your own needs as a condition of continued relationship with them. It seems that you are finally realizing how unreasonable, even abusive, their expectations are.
Not saying you should do this but if I were in your shoes I'd get some dog poo, take it too him, rub it in his face, tell him you know what that's for then walk off. I doubt I'd be charged with anything and I'd get a little bit of justice in his dying days. In this case "kicking someone when they're down" is entirely justified. But of course I'm not saying you should do this
OP, I wish you the best of luck and hope your life going forward is everything you want it to be.
For the future, when you openly ask on c-d for people's opinions, you will get some opinions you may not agree with. On this thread, it seems most posters took the time to give you what they believe is well thought out advice. No one took any mean spirited shots at you, or even disagreed with the majority of what you posted. You seem to be somewhat put out by a few responses, and even seemed to take exception to all Christian posters.
Again, most posts were very supportive, but a few went in a direction you were not happy with. Overall, the majority of people took the time to try and lend support and share experiences and give helpful advice. Appreciate the effort they made.
I can't begin to understand what you've been through. I won't pretend to. I honor you for your ability to share what happened to you here. You are a survivor. Despite what he did to you, you have overcome all that he attempted. I'm so very proud of you for that... I really am.
While he's alive, you have an opportunity to tell him you forgive him, if you have. If you haven't - that too is understandable - and you have the right to let him know that as well. Either way, it's totally up to you for how you handle this - you can only say or do to him while he's alive - and it seems that time is quickly running out. No matter what you decide, I applaud you in your ability to get through his abuse as well as your mother's inability to support you... I wish you nothing but the best.
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