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The proper response to "You cut your hair" is and always will be: "Yes, I did."
Yeah... the Capt. Obvious thing IS passive aggressive... it's downright rude.
I keep trying to figure out how "Oh, you cut your hair!" could possibly be considered passive aggressive unless accompanied by a sneer from someone who usually gushes about her long beautiful hair or something.
It's seriously just an observation. People make them all the time. "Wow, it sure is hot." "Oh, you got a new car." "This line is so long!" "You cut your hair." I'm no great socializer, but these types of statements seem like human interaction 101 to me.
I can't figure out how so many of you have met DH.
On first encountering me in the morning: "You're up!" Said in a tone of delight and bewilderment, as if this was scheduled to be the one morning in 21 years that I'd stay in bed all day.
Later: "You've got clothes on!" As if this, too, was a wondrous thing to behold.
"You've got a tag sticking out of the back of your sweater" or "You have a loose thread" or "You have a stray hair on your sleeve"
Then...
"You're feeding the cats!" "You're loading the dishwasher!" "You're making tea!"
"You're going/coming back from somewhere!" I have car keys in my hand.
I breathe a sigh of relief when he's finally off to work in the morning. It's like living under a microscope. To be under constant observation is exhausting. He did the tag/sweater thing to me so many times with a certain garment I took it off and threw it in the trash.
I do realize that blurting out everything one observes is a compulsion and there are worse ones to have. When I get really fed up I'll pull a large rubber mallet out of a drawer and say, "So what am I doing now?"
Not sure exactly how to word this, but how do you handle people who are either being intentionally vague/random or passive aggressive?
Examples:
I ran into my neighbor and he said, "wow, Bande1102, you cut your hair!" and then nothing. I ran into him again and he said, "wow, your is blonde!" and then nothing. It's weird b/c he'll keep standing there and wait for a response. I usually attempt to walk away and then he'll attempt to engage me about a real issue (a favor, wants to borrow something, etc).
I was at the pool and an acquaintance (I barely know her) said, "hey, Bande1102, I love your suit. I think one piece suits are more flattering".
Usually, I ignore them; but I'd love to have some witty comeback or something. I just don't get them. My compliments are honest and if I don't have something meaningful or nice to say, I stay quiet.
Well, since you just ignore them you are handling it the right way. People can be offensive, often without even knowing it. It sounds to me like they want to chat with you but that you make them nervous because they don't know how to engage you.
If you want to reframe things, just nod your head and say thanks.
Your habit of not saying anything is a passive aggressive response to their comments. It is what stops the dialogue. You sound unapproachable.
I pride myself in not knowing the first thing about what the heck a passive aggressive comment is. Don't ever want to know any of that psycho babble either.
I pride myself in not knowing the first thing about what the heck a passive aggressive comment is. Don't ever want to know any of that psycho babble either.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AfternoonCoffee
I totally get what you're saying. I'm never sure what to do with those types of "statements" either. Are they compliments? I can never tell.
I try to go for a faux-jolly, "Yep! I sure did!" Or "Yep! Me too!" (in the case of the one-piece comment) but it's awkward and often takes me by surprise. Then I have a moment of panic. My mind is going "what does that mean? how am I supposed to respond? Is this person just being a smart ass...?" But I'm afraid the panic and concern that flashes across my face just looks like bitchiness to the speaker of the bizarrely unfinished statement.
Worse though, someone I see on a regular basis does this sort of thing a LOT. Just makes statements. Throws them out there. Often the statements aren't about anyone present or related to the situation in anyway. He just makes some seemingly random statement and everyone else just awkwardly chuckles or hems and haws. I want to ask how he wants people to respond. But I don't think that would go over well.
Thanks--glad you get my point. I have thought about just throwing it back at them. ..like after they say, "you cut your hair!", I could say, "You have a beard!" .
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
4,641 posts, read 11,948,167 times
Reputation: 9887
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81
That's so obnoxious.
The proper response to "You cut your hair" is and always will be: "Yes, I did."
Eh, disagree. There is no required/expected response to a statement. If they said, "Did you cut your hair?", I'd answer b/c it's a question.
When you remark on someone's appearance (which I think is tricky territory anyway--really compliment them or leave it) and they seem confused or they don't say anything, you should jump in and reassure.
Oh wow, all of these comments come from married men. I had not considered they were compliments. Thanks for another perspective.
I was at the pool and an acquaintance (I barely know her) said, "hey, Bande1102, I love your suit. I think one piece suits are more flattering".
This comment is from a married man???
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