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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat
I don't keep in contact with my extended family members anymore. When I had seen any of them in the past 5 years, it had been because of attending funerals. I haven't initiated contact at all through phone, email, or anything else. I just don't want to.
I am barely on social media. I only had a linkedin and my aunt requested to add me there. I ignored. Then I had a blank facebook, I just used for the messaging. She sent a friend request. I also had a cousin I stopped talking to several years ago, who randomly tries to contact me. I completely ignore.
I don't know why they can't just respect that I am not interested in being in contact with them. I feel like this is at least on some level of harassment, not that I consider it illegal harassment, just them not respecting that I don't wish to be in contact. My reasons are mostly due to their pushiness and gossiping.
Maybe I'm just venting. I don't know what I can do besides ignore. I'm not going to message them and tell them to not bother me.
If you aren't interested in contact with them at all, why did you go to funerals for those family members? Not going would have made clear you wanted nothing to do with them. I had a family member die last year and after another family member disrespected my mother for not going (she had a painful understandable reason for not going) that's all I needed to know for having nothing to do with them, so I didn't attend and they want nothing to do with me.
I had a similar situation. I had not seen anyone from my fathers side of the family since I was 10 when my parent got divorced. When my dad passed they all started contacting me. I was in my late 30's at the time and honestly could careless to have anything to do with any of them. At one point, I just started to ignore their calls, etc. They finally got the hint and stopped contacting me.
If you want to stop all contact with them, you have to be clear and tell them directly.
Otherwise, understand there is a social contract and you are breaking it in the most cowardly and passive way possible. Don't be that guy. Be upfront and honest. That what adults do.
If you aren't interested in contact with them at all, why did you go to funerals for those family members? Not going would have made clear you wanted nothing to do with them. I had a family member die last year and after another family member disrespected my mother for not going (she had a painful understandable reason for not going) that's all I needed to know for having nothing to do with them, so I didn't attend and they want nothing to do with me.
Excellent point. OP is very passive/aggressive. You want no contact than don't bother attending any funerals.
Man up Felix and tell them you're just not interested in any contact, and that would include attending any events in the future.
I will say this, you mentioned your father so you still have him. You might want to think what happens when he's gone. Sometimes people find as adults and as adults of a certain age that once their parents go and if they don't have any siblings or siblings they're close to, that aunts, uncles, cousins become more important.
I don't know these people or the details of your story, but I was thinking they may just want to keep the door open, so to speak, in case you ever change your mind about wanting a relationship with them.
My daughter stopped talking to me a few years ago. I've tried to no avail, to reestablish a relationship with her. I've spoken to counselors, watched Youtube videos on the subject, read articles, on and on. From my end it hurts and it's humiliating to keep sending cards, emails, texts, etc. (and no, I don't spam her).
I was thinking I should just give up. But, the advise by the pros out there - counselors, etc. - is that if I stop sending the random card or email, that the door will definitely shut forever, that there will be no chance of us every reestablishing any kind of relationship.
It's up to me to keep the door open, even if it's humiliating, by sending a X-mas card or birthday card, etc., even knowing it may go straight into the trash without being opened. Because by doing so, I keep letting her know it would be welcomed if she ever chose to respond.
So, maybe this is what they're doing. Just keeping the door open.
You never have to respond. But, unless they're spamming you relentlessly, it's hardly stalking. I'm sorry if receiving their attempts to communicate with you upsets you. I think it's possible, though, that even if you tell them you never want anything to do with them, they may continue out of the hope that things can get patched up.
I'm not judging you either way. Just giving you another possible way of looking at it.
I don't know these people or the details of your story, but I was thinking they may just want to keep the door open, so to speak, in case you ever change your mind about wanting a relationship with them.
I'm not judging you either way. Just giving you another possible way of looking at it.
My father never game up on me and my hermetic ways. I didn't dislike him, just had little burning urge to keep up contact. He did, and basically knew better as all that takes on much greater importance as people age. Kids and young adults can be moody that way.
We got along well enough, more than civilly, those twenty years between my mom's departure and in the fullness of time, his as-well. I'm grateful he always kept the momentum. I kept it going too, after a while, "coming around" as they say in my 30s and 40s.
Like OP, I have various extended relatives who make efforts to stay in touch. I don't know them, those efforts are mostly irrelevant and from literal strangers as far as I'm concerned. Since I've shut down the social media (other than LinkedIn), that's that. However, like OP, in my case: ambivalence <> animosity, all folks on-thread should note. I both empathize with the quoted and OP. Don't "shut" doors but maybe don't "choose to open" them, either. That's certainly my way of dealing with it. I don't see any reason to "confront" my various relatives with something dumb like, "I understand what you're trying to do, but do not see any point. Please leave me alone."
the easiest way is to delete all of your social media. If you still want to use<snip> one of them , make a new one with a nickname (real first name, fake last name) and add the people you actually talk to. problem solved.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-19-2016 at 06:31 AM..
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