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I have come to the realization that I am surrounded by takers.
My birthday is coming up. I usually have some events planned. I sent out inquiries about which date everyone in my close circle is available for a dinner out (I had a choice of two different ones though my birthday is midweek.) These individuals include close friends and family. I got a lot of "oh I am going to a happy hour that day, maybe this day (not one of the options) is better?" or "I know your birthday is on X day but can we celebrate two weeks from then? That works better for my schedule as I am doing a lot of Christmas shopping."
I really don't ask for much from these relationships. I am always hosting these people at my home and recently threw a birthday party for one of them with food, gifts and over 50 people in attendance. There seems to be no trouble with attending events when its for them and they are wined and dined. But when I ask for a few hours at a dinner suddenly its just too inconvenient.
I cancelled my dinner plans because I was just irritated at the responses and could not juggle my own birthday to please other people (and think I was generous in the first place to offer up options for the dinner.) I am now feeling down-- I do enjoy celebrating my birthday and am happy to coordinate and host my own modest celebration, but its not happening this year.
I am expected to host Thanksgiving for one of these people as well and have gotten a long list of foodstuffs they will require (family member.) I am thinking of cancelling that as well as any other social events with these people through the end of the year. I am just tired of this.
Any advice for my situation? I can certainly try to make new friends, but family is a different story.
I have never tried to pull people together for my own birthday, but recently an acquaintance sent an Evite for a Happy Hour. We went and there were cupcakes because it was her birthday and several people brought her cards. She’d never indicated it was her birthday on th evite. I thought it was a lovely idea.
We also had dinner 2x times with a new couple friend. They told us they were actively seekiing to develop some new friendships because over the past decade they’d been inviting people over and throwing many parties and everyone comes and has a great time but no one else recriprocates. I must admit that I like entertaining but get overwhelmed by the idea when I start to plan an event at my home and usually back off. Just throwing this out there for you to consider as why some don’t reciprocate.
This is a crazy time of year — Thanksgiving coming up soon and all the holiday shopping, too. Still that’s no reason for foks to withdraw from celebrating your birthday. And I think you should find a way to spoil yourself and definately celebrate your day!
I have never tried to pull people together for my own birthday, but recently an acquaintance sent an Evite for a Happy Hour. We went and there were cupcakes because it was her birthday and several people brought her cards. She’d never indicated it was her birthday on th evite. I thought it was a lovely idea.
We also had dinner 2x times with a new couple friend. They told us they were actively seekiing to develop some new friendships because over the past decade they’d been inviting people over and throwing many parties and everyone comes and has a great time but no one else recriprocates. I must admit that I like entertaining but get overwhelmed by the idea when I start to plan an event at my home and usually back off. Just throwing this out there for you to consider as why some don’t reciprocate.
This is a crazy time of year — Thanksgiving coming up soon and all the holiday shopping, too. Still that’s no reason for foks to withdraw from celebrating your birthday. And I think you should find a way to spoil yourself and definately celebrate your day!
Thanks-- I think I am just not celebrating this year. There are some things I would like to do, but financially its probably not the best idea. I own a small retail business and we are very slow these days. Maybe its just time to stop celebrating altogether.
But what to do about family? They are just as bad.
My sister wants me to meet her in a town closer to her house than mine (she lives about an hour and a half away) to have lunch at a place she likes a week after my birthday instead of coming to dinner. She just doesn't want to drive "so far out of the way."
I am expected to host Thanksgiving for one of these people as well and have gotten a long list of foodstuffs they will require (family member.)
This says a lot. People can only take advantage of you if you allow them to. You are "expected" to host Thanksgiving? Say no. Don't host anything until people learn how to politely ask. You have gotten a long list of foodstuffs? How about saying that someone else needs to be responsible for getting the food? Stand up for yourself.
This says a lot. People can only take advantage of you if you allow them to. You are "expected" to host Thanksgiving? Say no. Don't host anything until people learn how to politely ask. You have gotten a long list of foodstuffs? How about saying that someone else needs to be responsible for getting the food? Stand up for yourself.
I was asked to host but with the caveat that all of the dishes the usual host desires will be there. I said that they were welcome to make them in my kitchen, thinking they would provide the ingredients. Then I get a list of things I need to have ready. One of these is a Kitchen Aid cake stand mixer. I had one several years ago that broke and did not replace it. I am not willing to provide an expensive appliance for the creation of this meal.
I was asked to host but with the caveat that all of the dishes the usual host desires will be there. I said that they were welcome to make them in my kitchen, thinking they would provide the ingredients. Then I get a list of things I need to have ready. One of these is a Kitchen Aid cake stand mixer. I had one several years ago that broke and did not replace it. I am not willing to provide an expensive appliance for the creation of this meal.
"I'm sorry, you misunderstood. I meant that I would provide the kitchen. I won't be providing the ingredients, and I don't own a stand mixer. You can use my refrigerator, stove and oven for all the food you will be bringing in."
But what to do about family? They are just as bad.
My sister wants me to meet her in a town closer to her house than mine (she lives about an hour and a half away) to have lunch at a place she likes a week after my birthday instead of coming to dinner. She just doesn't want to drive "so far out of the way."
I know how harsh that sounded, but even family HAS to be willing to meet you halfway.
I know how harsh that sounded, but even family HAS to be willing to meet you halfway.
I have. Many times.
This is an able bodied person who has no issue coming to my house if there is some store she wants to shop at near by or an event she feels like attending. I don't think its too much to ask that once a year she makes a trip to see me for a birthday event or or near the time of the day itself. Not when she feels its better for her.
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