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In real life, yes. I had a friend who could NOT show up on time if her life depended on it. This was before cell phones, so I'd be waiting somewhere for her to show up and I'd wait and wait and wait. I'd be afraid to wander off to find a pay phone for fear I'd miss her or I would find a phone nearby and call. She'd either still be at home or there would be no answit.r.
I finally decided (and it's definitely my fault that I let this go on as long as it did) that obviously my company wasn't worth enough value to her to make an effort to show up on time. At that point, I decided to "divorce" her. I finally accepted that my time was valuable, too, and I deserved more respect from a friend.
My story is similar to yours. I left a friendship back in August 2005. Here it is 11 years later and no regrets. It is a little easier when you live 35 miles apart from them as I did. Avoids the awkward moments if you happen to be in the same grocery store at the same time, etc. Don't have to worry about that.
This involved a couple that was always late. Then if I was lucky enough to reach them on their cell they would say "Yes, we are running late. Give us another 30 minutes." Then they would still be late for the new time. LOL. The last straw was when I was invited to their house 5:00 on a Saturday in July 2005. Was a hot day too. She said they were doing shopping and some other errands in the afternoon but would be back by then easily. I still remember saying "Should we make it for 5:30 or 6 just in case you get delayed." She replied "No worries. We'll be home by 5 easily. OK so at 5 I ring doorbell, knock on door no answer. Lol. Take a walk in a nearby park on a hot day. Go back 5:30 same thing. I call and leave message on their cell. At 6 still no returned call. Well, maybe they forgot to check messages. Ring doorbell, knock on door. No one home.
I drove north to nearest mall. Ate at food court and walked around. Then get a call. I told them I called once, waited an hour and left. So what happened? The reply: "Errands took longer than expected". Then the surprise: "Why didn't you wait a little longer?". Well this confirmed they were in an alternate reality. I knew at that moment I would end friendship sometime soon. Should have done it then but waited a month and ended it. My reply: "I really doubt you would have done the same for me". No apology.
I ended it by email. I wanted an exact "record" of what each of us said, because they also had a bad habit of not remembering or exaggerating what others said, too. Another friend of mine had that same issue with them. Compounding the punctuality issues was a temper problem with the woman; usually over trivial matters. Her husband was better in that regard except I dreaded visiting on Sundays during the football season. Would always hope for the visit to be Saturday. If his 49ers lost he would be in a depressed mood for rest of day and not want to talk. Sometimes get short with a reply, etc. He must be pulling his hair out this season! Lol.
I go to an annual festival every May that is in their town. Have probably missed just twice in last decade and have not seen them there. Think enough time has passed that we could exchange cordial "hello's" if it happens in the future. Fortunately there is only one common friend, but they moved a considerable distance away and do not have much contact with the couple these days. I am glad I waited a little while longer instead of ending it right away as I am certain it was the right thing to do. I hope things are going well for them and hope maybe they learned a lesson as well.
Last edited by chessgeek; 12-20-2016 at 04:50 PM..
I'd be surprised if you could find anyone over 30 who HASN'T "unfriended" someone in real life.
Heck, I've unfriended several family members in real life (although not immediate family).
I was 45 when I unfriended that couple. As you get older life is just too short IMO. I am 56 now and quality is more important than quantity where friends are concerned.
More than most people, starting in college once I became an adult free to choose whom I associated with. Prior, there was no choice: childhood is not about freedom, it's about structure (school, sports) and my vote didn't count nor could I fire anyone.
In college, it was viewed as a bit eccentric, until I (and others) figured out I hold them, and equally importantly myself, to a high behavioral bar of professionalism. There is no difference here work vs. personal life; professionals comport themselves same way in both btw.
Amateur-hour does not.
Consequently, I have relatively view friends. Those I do, "inner circle," epitomize my personal pillars (wisdom, courage, integrity) or at least make valiant attempts. I only "unfriend" those who make a consistent show of none of the above, or similarly disreputable behavior.
Yes. Or, I have just downgraded them to acquaintance. There is one woman that is forever complaining about her husband and how she feels unappreciated, but she refuses to do anything about it. I would give her an ear, but when I needed someone, she always had to cut the conversation short, said she would call me back, and never would. Friendships, IMO, are supposed to be reciprocal, and this one was not. Plus, we grew apart to where we have dramatically different worldviews. I can accept diversity of opinion but she had become so judgmental that it became unbearable. Some people you just outgrow.
oh yes most certainly have ...I had a friend a long time ago for about ten years and I told her she had a habit that if she kept doing that we were going to have a problem , then she kept doing it . I figured that if my words meant so little to her why would I want to keep her as a friend . As Madea says "some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season and then they are gone " . I definitely think that is true ... Some stay for a lifetime and some are gone in a season . This is so true .
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