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I don't think it is their issues that is the problem, it is that they go on and on and on about the same thing.
Can you change the subject? That is what I try to do, but I don't have that much patience.
I do accept people how they are but from a distance. Is it fun for you? Do you enjoy these women for the most part or somewhat?
You can still be friends but not talk. Drift away.
There are lots of men who will be happy to date a woman with wrinkles and extra pounds. She could find someone without a facelift but she needs to look in the right place. Talking about it to you is not looking in the right place.
People need to talk out their problems, but if it is the same thing over and over then you don't need to spend time with them. You know what they are going to say so you don't have to actually speak to them. You can go over it at your leisure without them being present. You can save some time that way.
Besides that, it is pretty easy to accept people as they are. You simply accept them. That doesn't mean you have to hang out with them, or at least not that often.
I see that I'll be in the minority in my response. Personally OP I don't see you as being "judgmental" I see you as being more reality based than your friends, and that perhaps you have outgrown them.
Besides the fact that listening constantly to people who have absolutely no self awareness, and repeatedly make such immature decisions, yet seek you to console them is totally and emotionally draining.
I think having to listen constantly to friends that make one poor decision after another, yet being afraid to give them your real opinion and some needed sound advice is causing you an internal conflict.
I think you should attempt to expand your friendships and find people that you respect and that compliment your lifestyle and values.
I don't have friends who routinely make stupid or annoying decisions.
We may not agree all the time about choices, but as long as they are not destructive, it ain't no thing.
Find people you can respect first.
That brings up a good point. What is the reason the OP is picking friends like this in the first place?
I am not being judgmental. I am starting to realize how much I really cannot stand the "friend" I most socialize with. The term that's been going through my head most lately is "familiarity breeds contempt", because I feel so much contempt for this person. She hasn't changed, so it's me. She has always been annoying, but lately I find myself snapping at things I used to just tolerate or ignore.
I've been around the block enough to know I put up with this person's annoying nonsense for a reason that has little to do with her and more to do with me.
Ugh.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 01-02-2017 at 12:40 PM..
So it's a new year (2017) and the one personality trait I would like to change about myself would be to stop being so judgmental about my friends.
As a 50 something female, I have a few female friends who I enjoy doing things with (movies, restaurants, plays, etc.). I really enjoy just getting out and meeting people.
What I notice about myself is that a lot of times I get annoyed with certain woman friends when they do things that I think are rather stupid.
For instance, I have one friend who has been married 3 times and still seems to always pick the wrong type of guys. When she starts to tell me about a new guy I listen knowing that within a few weeks it will all be over and usually it's the guy that ends things. It's hard for me to support her with these relationships.
I have another friend who is 60 and looks 70 (hard living and lots of sun) and she is desperate to meet a guy. Her first and only husband was an alcoholic and womanizer. He has a new girlfriend and this really bothers my friend. She talks about him all the time and wonders how he can always find someone while she is having so much trouble. What I want to tell her is that if she lost a few pounds, read some books to make herself interesting, got a facelift (she really needs it) then maybe she could meet someone too. But I can't tell her such harsh things so I just listen to her complain about how lonely she is.
What I notice about myself is that I am judging these ladies instead of just enjoying their friendships for whatever they give to my life at this time. As friends, we do talk but stuff but the stuff they talk about drives me crazy me I just want to tell them my opinion but in doing so, it would hurt them.
So how do you accept someone and not let their lifestyle or lifestyle choices, bother you?
I think you're judging yourself too harshly. It is natural to draw opinions & come to conclusions on issues that are presented to you whether they are positive or negative. If these women you speak of are truly friends & not just acquaintances then I think you are entitled to give advice (keyword: advice) as long as you don't come across as condescending. For example the gf who has been married 3x after she finishes venting about some guy (do wait for her to bring the subject up 1st) you could say to her "Debbie would you like my opinion? If she say's yes you say I've noticed a pattern of the type of men you date, they all have XYZ in common & because of it your relationships never last. You can't keep selecting the same type of men & expect a different result". Your gf should be able to meditate on that without jumping on the defense or becoming hostile towards you. Your other gf who looks 70 suggesting she gets a facelift would be a total insult & would smash your friendship to Hell. Instead perhaps tell her that Macys is having a beauty event & they're offering makeover's in which "you" plan to attend & invite her to come & participate as well, then have lunch together, you know, a girls day out event. As far as her weight don't mention it, trust me she knows she needs to lose to weight & bringing it to the surface will only make her self conscious about it. Try talking to her about lifting her self esteem, just because she doesn't have a man doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
Keep in mind it's hard for people to see themselves the way others see them, yet there's always a way to communicate with reasonable people, letting them know you have their best interest at heart. No one is faultless & being judgmental comes naturally which means if it's naturally it's by nature. You seem to enjoy your time spent with them doing certain activities so don't nix the friendship instead try to enhance it by giving good advice. Afterall whatever new friends you may acquire will also come with some negativities as well..........simply because we all are just people.
I do it by taking a good look at myself. I project my own lack of self-acceptance on others. I am slowly becoming more comfortable with myself. It's a life-long project.
That brings up a good point. What is the reason the OP is picking friends like this in the first place?
I am not being judgmental. I am starting to realize how much I really cannot stand the "friend" I most socialize with. The term that's been going through my head most lately is "familiarity breeds contempt", because I feel so much contempt for this person. She hasn't changed, so it's me. She has always been annoying, but lately I find myself snapping at things I used to just tolerate or ignore.
I've been around the block enough to know I put up with this person's annoying nonsense for a reason that has little to do with her and more to do with me.
I saw that Sandra Bullock had a come-to-Jesus meeting with Melissa McCartney over her weight. Basically she told her with love that she was killing herself and had to lose weight and Sandra offered to be there with her. I thought how wonderful that friends can be that frank and loving. As it should be. But little stuff that bugs you? I think about all the little stuff I do that bugs other people.
Also just people out there on the street. You don't know what they're going through. But, in my spiritual belief, there's no one ever that God loves more than He loves that person. I have no room to criticize them.
You mean the work friend who told me the awful truth but did so in frightening way? No. He was rude and really wasn't looking out for me; he was just sick of hearing me complain and got fed up and yelled at me. He was really looking out for him because he didn't want to hear me talk about my relationship anymore.
But I did finally see the truth because I couldn't ignore it after what he said to me. A light bulb went off in my head and I felt like skies opened up for me.
But I would never forgive the manner in which he spoke to me because he was thinking about himself and not about me as his friend. He didn't care about friendship but to be fair, I pushed him to that point.
Sometimes once words are said, you never feel the same about someone again. That's what happened to my work friend and me.
Think about how you would have liked to be told, in a way that would still catch your attention. Then, if you think it's worth the effort, try to apply that method to those other friends of yours.
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