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Not necessarily. There are a million reasons for why someone does something. Sometimes they want to look good in front of others and don't want to look cheap. Sometimes people are just plain generous and nice and are happy to do it and aren't stingy about money.
Can you (or maybe you already do) reciprocate in ways other than paying for a meal? Take care of their pet when they travel, or water the plants? Drive them to the airport? Have them over to your house for a meal - maybe they don't like to cook but enjoy a chance to have homecooked food sometimes. It could certainly be a control thing, but it could also be that they feel like this is a way to acknowledge things that you do for them, and it doesn't always have to be tit for tat in terms of paying at a restaurant.
Take out cash for your share and give it to them. If they accept, cool. If they don't, it's cool too. You tried.
We have a friend exactly like the OP's friend. Handing them cash isn't always easy. Our friend gets very offended when offered cash and he will stuff it in our pockets and tells us to give it to our daughter.
Our friend is single, does very well and enjoys spending his money on family and friends. He's a very generous person and doesn't do it to gloat. There have been many times where either we or another friend have gone to pay the check before the server brings it to the table. There were times where that actually annoyed him. It's a really nice gesture and we GREATLY appreciate it when he pays but he does it every single time unless someone beats him to it. We have invited him over for dinner numerous times to reciprocate and he appreciates that we do.
Can you (or maybe you already do) reciprocate in ways other than paying for a meal? Take care of their pet when they travel, or water the plants? Drive them to the airport? Have them over to your house for a meal - maybe they don't like to cook but enjoy a chance to have homecooked food sometimes. It could certainly be a control thing, but it could also be that they feel like this is a way to acknowledge things that you do for them, and it doesn't always have to be tit for tat in terms of paying at a restaurant.
The bolded--we invite him over often because he's single and dines out pretty much every day for all 3 meals. He enjoys a good home-cooked meal. We've also paid for concert tickets, another thing he has done many times. He'll ask if anyone want to see a particular show then order tickets and won't accept payment from any of us so when there's a show that we know he'd like to see, we buy his ticket. We've also done this with sporting events. He'll try to give us money for tickets and we refuse. He gets a little upset sometimes and has told me to give the money to my daughter since we won't take it. It can sometimes be awkward.
The only time I'd be too concerned with this is if I'm with someone that treats it as a debt and expects something in return later. Otherwise just let them and maybe suggest some other activities that aren't as costly or that you can pay for without an "I already paid" scenario.
Can you (or maybe you already do) reciprocate in ways other than paying for a meal? Take care of their pet when they travel, or water the plants? Drive them to the airport? Have them over to your house for a meal - maybe they don't like to cook but enjoy a chance to have homecooked food sometimes. It could certainly be a control thing, but it could also be that they feel like this is a way to acknowledge things that you do for them, and it doesn't always have to be tit for tat in terms of paying at a restaurant.
I have an elderly neighbor who calls to take me to dinner fairly often. Nothing fancy, just a local cafe. His wife is in a nursing home so I know he's lonely, enjoys the company, and the "event". He insists on paying for every meal we share. I usually do a bit of gentle friendly arguing about it but drop it or pay the tip. And, rather than turn it into something uncomfortable I thank him and find other ways to repay the kindness. We've done it this way for several years.
I actually did that last week. It was awkward and involved a stern discussion.
Can you embellish on this? What was said?
My friend waved my card away. I insisted. I told him that his constant payment made it difficult for me to suggest plans. I also told him that he had made telephone calls a problem (different discussion on this board that really went badly) that it was impairing our friendship of 44 years. He said "he understood" and didn't want that to happen. I then said that if a year earlier he hadn't randomly invited me to a concert in November 2015 that we likely would not be talking. He said "I really don't think so." I left it at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
I have a feeling the stern discussion come from the one who normally pays all the time, and when the OP paid, they didn't like it.
Pretty much.
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