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I am nothing like the person I was 20 years ago, much less 30 years ago. A childhood friend whom I have had zero contact with in almost 40 years called me on XMAS eve and left a message. Why would someone I haven't talked to in 40 years call me on XMAS eve? I don't want to know. I hung with the wrong crowd as a teenager. Most of the people I knew back then ended up as addicts, dead or being in trouble well into their 20s at least. I wish them all well but I don't need that drama in my life.
Connecting with some one you haven't spoken to in 20 years can go either way. I'm in the process of getting to know my childhood bestie and her sister again and it's been a great experience. I think we will be friends until death do us part. One high school friend I connected with has been a bit of a drama queen full of dysfunction. I think she left Facebook. I kind of walked away without deleting her friendship a while ago. I don't want to be mean to her but no thanks.
I became friends with someone I didn't know well in high school and it's been a fun experience. I got a rogue text from her on Thanksgiving saying that she's almost at Denny's. Denny's on Thanksgiving? NOOOO. I texted her back saying that I didn't know who it was but you were welcome to come eat with us. She texted back and told me who it was (I lost a bunch of numbers after I accidentally deleted all of my contacts and hers was one of them.) We had a good laugh and a good conversation. It's too bad she lives far away in another state. You know what? I think I'm going to text them both now.
Be it Primary School, High School, some other place of association, what are the reasons some don't want to reconnect with people of their pasts?
"Past association" isn't a good enough reason to motivate one to make a "new association" with them. But it really depends on what other factors might exist for resuming the old association. Was the old association discontinued because of distance (college and/or work) that has since become closer? Frequent contact with others, in the pursuit of current endeavours, tends to make for more satisfying associations.
When you say "others" of their past, do you mean old friends or old acquaintances?
I have some takes on this, but I moved away from my home area at age 26 so my reasons are all compounded by that. I've reconnected with some people and haven't with some people. Only 1 or 2 people have reached out that I haven't seen, and I haven't seen them because they are known as flakes so I don't want to set time aside on my vacation to get stood up by someone I'm not dying to see anyway.
Be it Primary School, High School, some other place of association, what are the reasons some don't want to reconnect with people of their pasts?
Me to them:
While I enjoy using tech as a means to facilitate communications, if the talks through Facebook, email, txt, etc. are shallow, then I don't see any purpose in bothering seeing them in person. Here, I will acknowledge that in some cases, I could've done a better job. E.g., don't just talk about weather. Try to talk about more meaningful things. If that still doesn't work out (e.g. it's more so a one-way conversation), then I could break it off, being able to at least say I tried.
It's sort of a thing with "chicken" where I'll talk with them if they reach out to me. However, they may be thinking the same thing.
Others I know are already married, and will probably have kids soon enough. Otherwise, they're plenty busy too.
If there's a purpose in me talking to them, I'll reach out to them. This includes professional references, and for background checks
them to me
They probably deem me as "odd". Unfortunately, it's like a break up where I usually won't get a reason why.
I know some of them really weren't fond of me (for both all the wrong and right reasons), while others were treating our sessions of contact as strictly on the acquaintance or coworker level. Nothing more.
Shame, fear, hurt feelings, guilt, anger, misunderstandings, humiliation, social awkwardness, a bad memory or event but mostly it's about FEAR.
I agree!!
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