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It's nice to be so relaxed about people wandering around your house (you actually sound kind of fun ), but some people aren't comfortable with it. Some may be self-conscious about disarray in one area of the house, or whatever. Observing conventional courtesies is for that type of situation.
Well, first off they don't just wander. I thought I made that clear, especially here...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
No one has ever gone upstairs (our personal spaces are on the second floor) without us and prior conversation. So it is not like they run amok....
And yes, not everyone is comfortable with it. So everyone should do what is best for them!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Unless the homeowner says, "Make yourself at home", or "Mi casa es su casa", it's inappropriate for a guest to presume it's ok to wander around as if s/he owns the place.
Agreed with a caveat...
Even if that is said, personal spaces should be respected.
I have never been upstairs even in my best friend's house and neither has she been in mine. I guess I'm just a stickler for privacy, but it would never occur to me to ask to see beyond wherever guests are entertained.
Kitchen? Of course.
Guest bath? Certainly.
Dining/Living room? Absolutely.
Bedrooms? Not on your life. Unless you're a paramedic preparing to transport one of us to the hospital, don't even think about it. I'm not even comfortable with extended family going upstairs.
If you guys were real friends, they'd be respectful enough to understand the boundaries and not be mad over it.
But I'm still so curious: how did OP know they were mad? Did they just seem mad? Could they have been mad about something else? Even if they were disappointed that they only got a partial tour, it does seem so strange and dramatic that they were mad for the rest of the visit. OP said that she found out "later" that they were mad about the partial tour. More details are necessary to flesh this out. Did they actually leave saying, "Thanks for dinner. Would have been a better visit had we seen the bedrooms. We take this as a personal insult that we were not given the complete tour."?
Nothing wrong with people being curious as to how other people live---it's the being so entitled to see the private living quarters that they would actually say that they were mad. What kind of people couldn't get over their disappointment hours later and would harbor anger enough to bring it up?
Last edited by jazzcat22; 01-17-2017 at 02:46 PM..
My close friends and family don't need permission as they probably would just get up a see it themselves. I wouldn't expect it of my parents at all so I give the same courtesy to my PIL.
I just pretty much don't want people wandering into my bedroom. The rest of the place is fine.
I would be upset if I was planning on showing the place and they went themselves. I do want to see their reaction.
I just don 't "do" nosy or curious. I have never seen their recently finished basement. They didn't offer and I didn't ask.
Something about nosy people really turns me off. They can speculate among themselves all they want, but I don't have to satisfy their curiosity. I don't know why they were so curious and don't care. I won't invite them over to our house again.
If you visit friends' home for the first time, would you expect them to give you a tour of the entire house?
Some old friends were in town and we invited them over for dinner. We have an open floor plan, so they saw the entry hall, dining room, kitchen, powder room, and family room (no living room). The husband walked down a hall uninvited and looked into our laundry room. (The bedrooms/baths were in less than pristine condition.). We found out later that they were mad that we didn't give them a tour of the entire house.
Sometimes I get a tour and sometimes I don't. Honestly, I rather not because then I have to say how clean everything looks. Haha! I only invite people to tour the house if I have to go to any of my rooms. We have a second floor so no mistakes about going upstairs. We also are minimalists so the house is always ready for viewing, but then there is not much to view. Except for the kitchen. When the friends come over, I start bringing out food to try and start cooking new stuff so it is a disaster at the end. Nobody is allowed in the kitchen at that point.
Also, my daughter has been instructed not to go into private areas without permission from the owner of the house. It doesn't matter if her little friends insist it is okay.
If you visit friends' home for the first time, would you expect them to give you a tour of the entire house?
Some old friends were in town and we invited them over for dinner. We have an open floor plan, so they saw the entry hall, dining room, kitchen, powder room, and family room (no living room). The husband walked down a hall uninvited and looked into our laundry room. (The bedrooms/baths were in less than pristine condition.). We found out later that they were mad that we didn't give them a tour of the entire house.
Umm, errrm - NO.
Maybe a really really REALLY close friend from childhood or college and a first home. Not as an EXPECTED thing but because a young person in their first home might be excited to share that with someone to whom they are very very close
But other than that - I'll show you where the bathroom is, of course, and whatever room we are recreating in - but no, I don't want even friends traipsing through my home and poking into my bedrooms and closets.
Personally, I'm a very private person. I do not like anyone in the bedroom area of the house unless it's their bedroom or they live there. I would be very offended and upset if someone just went randomly walking through my home into the private areas such as laundry, baths, bedrooms, etc. I have an art studio in my home and I do NOT like when people enter it and start poking around. There have been people who open the door and start roaming about. Not cool! Those people aren't invited back.
Agree, and let's just say after this the homeowner thinks something is missing, when in reality it fell behind the dresser in the bedroom(a piece of jewelry for example). Now you're left wondering did someone take it as they took an uninvited tour.
You just don't do that, you don't know what people have going on. Perhaps they're bedrooms are a mess and they only cleaned up the living and dining rooms for guests.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aliwalas;46858593[B
]You guys aren't really friends to begin with.
1. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, especially in your own home. If you didn't want to give a tour, then don't. If you guys were real friends, they'd be respectful enough to understand the boundaries and not be mad over it.[/b]
2. If they really wanted to see your place, they should have just asked. They get a yes or no answer and that's that. No one should take offense in being asked and being rejected if the home owner says no.
3. If you guys were real friends, they shouldn't be mad that you guys didn't give them a tour. If it was that big of a deal to them to see it, again, they should have just asked.
Personally, I enjoy giving tours of my place to who ever enters my place. That said...I don't invite just anyone. I only those who I'm comfortable enough to see my entire space. So...it was either they see everything or none at all lol.
But ya, I guess you guys are more like acquaintances than real friends. Friends should be able to communicate their thoughts, not talk about you on what you should/shouldn't have done.
Bingo, this same OP has done threads about another couple(maybe this is the same ones) and they have know each other for a long time, but they're not friends. In fact if I remember correctly she isn't too fond of the wife.
If you're expecting guests, put some of that yellow, "crime-scene, no entry" tape across the hallways to areas you don't want them to see.
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), but some people aren't comfortable with it. Some may be self-conscious about disarray in one area of the house, or whatever. Observing conventional courtesies is for that type of situation.
