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This can be summed up as the "Ship of Theseus" question for groups of friends.
Almost 10 years ago some close friends and I launched a once-yearly 3-day trip. Let's say the friends were A, B, C, D, E, F and me. Our ongoing professional and personal friendships were the reason behind doing this. We had a blast.
All was casual, easygoing and well for the first bunch of years.
Bit by bit people dropped off. There was no drama, just circumstance. From time to time others would join while overall the group was about the same size. Now it's me, A, V, W, X, Y, Z, with may other year-to-year substitutions.
Besides me there's one person who's made every year and he said to me last week, "you know, it's still fun but it's not the group experience we started with and I'm kind of ambivalent about committing any longer."
I've had a week to think on that idea, and I'm finding I'm feeling the same. It's hard enough (family, work, other hobbies) to carve out 3 days for myself but more than that now it just feels like a handful of guys going away...which would be fine and all that but that's not what this group used to be. We still go to the same places and generally have the same stuff planned...just the group has changed a lot.
Chalk it up to things and connections change over time?
Change will happen to every type of group over time. Co workers, neighbors, club members, and many more. Any group of people no matter what the connection will change over time. Most people adapt to the new people.
^ I agree w/ thinkalot above. It's nothing to be so puzzled & surprised about. People change, just like life changes. It's a very rare thing to stay friends w/ ONE person for 20, 30, 40+ yrs, let alone a whole group of 7 people such as your situation.
There's many BIG events that change in our lives. Do we live in the same house our whole lives? Do we keep the same car our whole lives? Do we keep the same jobs our whole lives? Do we stay interested in the same hobbies forever (maybe yes, maybe no)? People don't even stay married for life. So, how can one expect to have the same friends your whole lives? To me, that's almost impossible. It could happen, but it's rare.
Why would it matter? Life is a process and things change throughout your life (as others have pointed out). If you still like the people in the group, it's still a group that fits you. If not, time to move on. Sometimes I miss the way things "used to be" in certain situations, but life isn't stagnate. If it is, you're doing it wrong
My Wednesday "brew group" was great for years. I moved away and then returned after 12 years. Lots of folks no longer attended, and those who did were OLD (I was too I guess) and the dynamics just didn't feel right. People I didn't know and were cold to me, so I went once time and then no more.
My Wednesday "brew group" was great for years. I moved away and then returned after 12 years. Lots of folks no longer attended, and those who did were OLD (I was too I guess) and the dynamics just didn't feel right. People I didn't know and were cold to me, so I went once time and then no more.
Yes, this is what it kind of feels like. The 'group' still gets togteher but it feels like a completely different group. Kind of like is a group just a collection of people or is it a vibe or atmosphere created by them? (Ship of Theseus).
UPDATE...I called my friend, the other original member, and told him this would likely be my last year or at the very least the last year I'd help organize. He agreed and we talked for a bit about it and then he added that his wife even chimed in that "it just seems like a bunch of guys now." Now I know his wife (I introduced them) and she's cool with whatever he wants to do...he's a good father and husband...so this isn't an attempt to guilt trip him into not going. I think she just sees, as he and I do, that it's probably time to move on to other fun stuff.
I started a party group once. Over time it grew into a small charitable organization. After a while we incorporated as a 501 (c) (3) and made it formal. I started to get older and didn't want to party/work that hard any more, so I dropped out. All the founders have been gone for years, but the organization keeps on going. Is it the same organization? That's sort of an existential question, but any organization has the potential to outlive its original members.
Groups evolve. I think it becomes "different" when you no longer feel at home within it. If you're not happy with the group, then drop it. Life's too short to take vacations with people you don't feel close to.
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