Friends who are not there for you when you're at your lowest (husband, person)

[back2MD]

Drop them or keep them?
These are long time friends.

[tassity22]

I am not sure maybe you could give more specifics about the situation.


I knew a woman a while back who decided I was off her social list when she found out my husband lost his job. I ran into her again a few months later at Barnes & Noble, she came for storytime in the kids section and I had brought my daughter there. She wanted to know if my personal life had improved. I asked her what she meant by that. She whispered "your husband, did he get another job" and she said it like it was some shameful thing. And when I told her yes, she said "well, we'll get together again some time, please text me". But I never contacted her. Mainly because I don't want my child exposed to people like her. I usually drop people before they get a chance to do that to me, once I get a whiff of their attitude. I'm gone.

[Katnan]

Way too vague, can't answer.

[CSD610]

I don't expect my friends to stop their lives because I'm having a rough time. Things get worked out eventually if one seeks what is needed to get things worked out.

[back2MD]

Originally Posted by CSD610

I don't expect my friends to stop their lives because I'm having a rough time. Things get worked out eventually if one seeks what is needed to get things worked out.

I suppose

[asbruckman]

I'm sorry this happened to you.
I think it's happened to all of us....
My 2 cents:
Give it some time. Sometimes whatever bad stuff you're going through really pushes someone else's
buttons, and their keeping away may be smart. Or they may at the same time be going through their own
bad stuff. So I'd give it some time, watch carefully, see how you feel in six months....

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by back2MD

Drop them or keep them?
These are long time friends.

Unless you can be less vague, no one can really advise you.

Originally Posted by tassity22

I am not sure maybe you could give more specifics about the situation.


I knew a woman a while back who decided I was off her social list when she found out my husband lost his job. I ran into her again a few months later at Barnes & Noble, she came for storytime in the kids section and I had brought my daughter there. She wanted to know if my personal life had improved. I asked her what she meant by that. She whispered "your husband, did he get another job" and she said it like it was some shameful thing. And when I told her yes, she said "well, we'll get together again some time, please text me". But I never contacted her. Mainly because I don't want my child exposed to people like her. I usually drop people before they get a chance to do that to me, once I get a whiff of their attitude. I'm gone.

There are people who as odd as it sounds think unemployment is something you can catch. You handled that the right way.

Originally Posted by CSD610

I don't expect my friends to stop their lives because I'm having a rough time. Things get worked out eventually if one seeks what is needed to get things worked out.

No one said anything about stopping their lives. Decent people do what they can for someone that is a friend whether it be a death in the family or a job loss.

Not be in the wind.

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by back2MD

I suppose

You suppose...Reductio ad absurdum?

Friends, even close ones, are made uncomfortable by:

- Financial problems
- Unemployment
- Divorce
- Mental illness
- Physical illness (chronic or acute-severe).
- Death of close relatives

Yes, those who rise up can be separated from those who don't. The previous are some, not all, the major life events that make others uncomfortable. We call can, will, and must deal with most at one point or another. Expecting others to share the load won't happen as much as we'd like, individually. That's life.

I've seen "friends" who are incapable of dealing with the previous because it's "hard". That's weak and cowardly, they are no good to either you or themselves. Get rid of them, or rather let them die on the vine by ignoring them moving forward. I sure did, o'er the years, and it felt much better over the long term.

The only people now in my inner circle...w/o exception...are those who have been hammered on life's forge, sometimes repeatedly...and come out the other side better-tempered for the experience. That's when you find out what they're really made of: steel, or slag.

[RamenAddict]

It really depends on the situation. Friends will help you through rough situations, but they don't necessarily have to be there to enable you if you continue to make poor situations that make you end up in the same bad situation over and over again.

For example, I have one friend who is an alcoholic who is also a hypochondriac with lots of mental health issues. She goes to physicians for her supposed physician problems but doesn't go for mental health treatment or seek treatment for her alcoholism. She admits she has a problem with alcohol. I have plenty of friends who have been through treatment for mental illness and still go through therapy from time to time. I am more than happy to be there for them, but when it's a friend who absolutely refuses to seek the appropriate treatment, there is only so long a friend can stick around before saying "No more!"

[convextech]

Originally Posted by tassity22

I knew a woman a while back who decided I was off her social list when she found out my husband lost his job. I ran into her again a few months later at Barnes & Noble, she came for storytime in the kids section and I had brought my daughter there. She wanted to know if my personal life had improved. I asked her what she meant by that. She whispered "your husband, did he get another job" and she said it like it was some shameful thing. And when I told her yes, she said "well, we'll get together again some time, please text me".

What a horrible person!