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I understand your need to stay in contact with family, but these people abused in n every way possible. Don't pay the bill see if they contact you and then meet for uncomfortable dinners. See how the react...maipulative to use you or truly wanting a relationship.
Mail the letter to yourself, read and toss, or if you still feel the same way you can send it, knowing that any future chance of a relationship probably disappears for good.
Germaine's idea for the T-mobile is good, I think a lot of the go phones have similar plans. You buy a scratch off card and add minutes or you register online and buy extra minutes every so often. As far as I know you can't 'go over' and rack up extra charges, you can run out of minutes before your month is up or whatever, but that would be on the user if they can't manage their minutes better.
Write the letter, then burn it or throw it away. Getting your feelings out will probably help, but it isn't going to change them.
I would cut off all contact. You made a promise, yes, but they invalidated it when they took advantage of your generosity. If they need a phone and truly cannot afford one, and live in the US, they can apply for a LifeLine phone. It won't have all the extras they seem to expect, but it will provide them with a means of communication for emergencies, and then some.
If writing the letter makes you feel better, write it, but I would recommend against sending it. It's not going to make this person feel bad or make them realize the error of their ways. Burn it or shred it instead, cut this person out of your life permanently, do not give them money, and move on.
This
You need to heal and move on from your past. Having or trying to have a relationship with your "abuser" will never be good for you. Do you let the disease spread or find a cure?
Write the letter, then burn it or throw it away. Getting your feelings out will probably help, but it isn't going to change them.
I would cut off all contact.
You made a promise, yes, but they invalidated it when they took advantage of your generosity. Ifthey need a phone and truly cannot afford one, and live in the US, they can apply for a LifeLine phone. It won't have all the extras they seem to expect, but it will provide them with a means of communication for emergencies, and then some.
Imagine that you have a parent that was SEVERLY abusive (emotionally, verbally, sexually, physically, mentally), and then was manipulative and took from you any chance they got. Taking your birthday money, babysitting money, then moving on to making you pay their rent but pocketing some of it by lying about the amount when you were a young adult.
You cut off contact for years (to try to heal from the abuse), but in a weak time you initiated contact. And things went well for a while. Still when you would mention the abuse (even major things that no one could forget), the parent said they did not remember it. You fall back into making excuses for them. If you pressed them on it, they went into victim mode.
Still, you are trying to build a relationship with them. But years ago you made a promise to pay their cell phone bill for...well, forever. You wanted them to have one to keep them safe. They said they couldn't afford one, but you go ahead and buy the one they want and say you will pay the bill. But your family plan is $10 a month per phone. That is what you expect. But the family member manages to rack up way more then that with add ons. So you cut them off (really from maybe $150 a year to maybe $1500 a year!!!).
After getting back in touch, things are going well. Then suddenly they send you an email demanding that they get back on your family plan. You call them and tell them why and how they took advantage before. They hang up on you.
So I guess I wonder.....
Would you just give them an amount of $120 a year to pay for cell phone because you did promise long ago?
And if the anger was bubbling up like never before, would you send them an email really calling them on their bad behaviors?
Everyone I have talked to said do NOT send money, because they do not deserve it....even if I promised it at on time. And absolutely send the email calling them on so many things...as mean as it sounds (I wrote it, it is pretty tough). Saying I just need to get it out there...and who cares how this family member feels.
Thoughts?
No need to send a nasty email and just escalating things - but I know how mad you are. THEY hung up on YOU - I guess they don't need a phone badly enough to even pretend to ask nicely? Then no, they don't get anything from you - simple as that. Even if they asked nicely it's up to you, but there's nothing to really consider, right? They must feel safe enough so take them at their word or at least their actions. They don't really need or want it so don't do it.
Start believing their actions - it'll make your life easier.
I understand you wanting to have a family and therefore maintaining a lifeline back to them (this promise of the cellphone - for which it doesn't seem there was any real reason even originally other than that or guilt .. which supposedly you should not have any of - no legal obligation anyway), probably hoping subconsciously that they would someday become the wonderful family of your dreams, but perhaps the time has come to admit that this dream is probably not in your cards, sad and disappointing and hurtful as that may be. And since that seems like the case, if you go on doing any more for them, you are only hurting yourself and will have no one to blame but yourself.
I know that is hard and I am sorry you have gone through all this but I think you need to stand back from the situation for a few days and then just quietly shut that door in my your own mind and do your best to move on past them. If it takes writing that letter, as others have said .. write it .. but don't hurt yourself any further by actually mailing it.
You can't change them. You can only change yourself and how you react to them and what they do/have done. Treat yourself to something that makes you feel special and loved - by yourself. Then .. move on. Ever forward. Good luck.
I don't get the feeling that you are wanting or expecting for them to change after reading the email. I get the feeling that you just want to get everything off your chest and be heard. If that is the case then I'd do it and then never contact them again. You have nothing to lose.
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