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It won't make you look like a sucker at all, but the bottom line is it's not your job to make her feel good about herself (while ignoring every attempt you make at trying to talk a little about your life). Why feed that type of ego?
Ignore her completely and focus on the job, in my opinion. Who cares how she takes it? You'd probably be the first person she's encountered in awhile with enough self-esteem not to cater to her.
A boss dealing with a troublesome employee is being diplomatic.
Enthusiastically pretending to care about the trivial details of the life of someone you secretly cannot stand and playing into their nonsense just to satisfy their ego (because you're afraid of upsetting them) is ass kissing.
A boss dealing with a troublesome employee is being diplomatic.
Enthusiastically pretending to care about the trivial details of the life of someone you secretly cannot stand and playing into their nonsense just to satisfy their ego (because you're afraid of upsetting them) is ass kissing.
Except that doesn't seem to be the case here, this woman seems to be complaining/bragging about the amount of work she does, not going into trivial details about herself or her life. It sounds very much to me like an employee who wants someone, anyone, to give them some attaboys. If a few pats on the head is all it takes to turn a bad atmosphere around and make her more pleasant to work with, why not do it? It's not kissing butt to give a few words of praise here and there. YMMV
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava
Sometimes I think that the constant complaining is a ruse because it keeps people from actually getting to know her and her real motivations. Like a cover. Because, if you're always complaining, you're shifting the focus off of YOU and onto all these "problems". It is very, very rare that she talks about her own life, and any "emotion" that she gives is...shallow? She doesn't come across as authentic to me.
In the beginning I honestly felt bad for her. But now I'm thinking...something's just off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava
Her complaints are about her work/volunteer life. How everyone is always piling so much onto her. Yet she doesn't say no...
I'd actually agree with you if I found something good about the person Stava's talking about. What offends me is the way this person completely disregards Stava's attempts at friendly exchange. It shows a complete lack of interest--and yet she still expects to be the focus of all attention, as if Stava or whoever else is there simply to be their sounding board. No.
Personally I don't understand folks who can so easily be fake and passive like that, especially when they really do not like the person in question! 'Go along to get along'. It's really pathetic.
But if the woman at least seemed to listen and engage Stava in conversation, I'd be all for a congratulatory remark, as she would be showing some sign of being a friendly person with genuine interest in others. This is just a narcissist.
I volunteer with someone who is a chronic complainer. Anyone and everyone she's with, she has to dominate the conversation by talking about herself, telling everyone how HARD her life is and how TIRED she is and how "it just never ends". She does not listen to others or ask them any questions. It's as if people and their wants/needs/feelings simply do not exist to this woman.
You almost get the sense that she believes she's more important than everyone and therefore believes that her life and problems would be of high interest to others. Many people just go along with her and let her take center stage, but I often interject with my own stories. She'll react with an "Oh" or an "Ok" but there is never any real dialogue when it's about anyone else but her.
I realized today that she is suffocating to me. I feel managed down and drained when I interact with her because I end up feeling so insignificant. I also feel like I'm in some kind of parent role where she's the child, the endlessly needy child. The thing is, I have to spend time with her because she's training me on certain projects. How do you deal with a manipulative, dominating person such as this?
Personally I don't understand folks who can so easily be fake and passive like that, especially when they really do not like the person in question! 'Go along to get along'. It's really pathetic.
Because sometimes you don't have a lot of choice as to who you have to be around. You can choose to ignore, or choose to confront, or choose to try to turn the situation into something more pleasant.
Stava is in a volunteer position but she wants to be there, learning the ropes fro the other woman. Certainly she can ignore or confront the other woman but that tends to make working relationships awkward or uncomfortable. Far easier to go along and get along until she has learned what she needs to know and then move on. It doesn't even require her to pretend to like the other woman, it just means being pleasant in the face of her complaining.
Some folks must be lucky if they never find themselves forced to work for long periods with people they don't care for
Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I have no problem ignoring an annoying person and getting my work done without a bit of concern for them. Cutting the person off is what made things 'easier', as you put it.
Some people cannot do this for any number of reasons--fear of what the person may think of them, whatever it may be. I give not a drop of damn. And I certainly wouldn't worry about brightening the day or giving a bit of sunshine to someone who's made no effort to reciprocate.
It won't make you look like a sucker at all, but the bottom line is it's not your job to make her feel good about herself (while ignoring every attempt you make at trying to talk a little about your life). Why feed that type of ego?
Ignore her completely and focus on the job, in my opinion. Who cares how she takes it? You'd probably be the first person she's encountered in awhile with enough self-esteem not to cater to her.
And catering is exactly what self absorbed people expect. This is why I don't appease and cater to them. And they are easy to spot too.
unbearable. I once knew this girl who complained non-
stop. It was so over the top that I couldn't understand
how she could even have a man in her life. But she did.
He could've done so much better, it really was odd that
he stayed. I don't think I ever heard a positive thing out
of her mouth. And what a bore that can become!
Hopefully he has gotten away from her now but who
knows. Maybe he was just biding his time until the right
moment when he could finally leave her (kind of like that
poster above who is volunteering with a very similar
woman and has to bite their tongue until they learn
enough from her. There are more than a few posters
here who have eerily similar situations and I truly wish
them the best of luck with getting the heck away from
toxic,terrible people like that.)
Do not try to appease them. Just get as far away from
people like that as possible.
Life is too short. I know I am just beginning to see things
in a much clearer light and I now know the right direction
for my life.
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