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I suspect that you were the standard to which his parents held him. He fell short of that standard during his early years and it's likely that his parents put pressure on him to succeed in school just as you did and expressed their disappointment to him that he wasn't as good as you. They were likely constant comparing his accomplishments to yours and he was constantly falling short.
And it's not surprising you were oblivious about this because you were away at school and just doing your own thing.
His tongue was loosened by alcohol, and he's probably feeling a little vindicated that he's surpassed you (at least at this phase) for once in his life. Looking at it from this point of view, I wouldn't be pissed. Truly reflect on what it might have been like growing up for him, and maybe you'll find it in yourself to say "You know what, I'm glad things are going well for you."
I mean I am being transparent as possible and saying it like it is. Its not like I was the one rubbing it in his face or anything. I can say for certain I never acted the way as he is doing now. Facts are facts. You act like I was the one for all those years kicking him while he was down which is absolutely not the case. I never really payed attention to it.
You may not have rubbed it in his face, but you did admittedly ignore him all those years ago because you were busy with your own life. He was having to listen to his parents brag on you and he may have felt like you wouldn't give him the time of day.
Sounds like he took an opportunity to get a lot off his chest with you. Maybe he shouldn't have, but maybe in the past you acted in ways you shouldn't have, either.
In any case, what's done is done. You need to get your life back on track and stop worrying about him. He apparently used your early success as an incentive to push himself. It might be time for you to do the same thing.
Seems like his parents really compared you two a lot. He probably doesn't understand that your parents didn't do the opposite of saying you are doing so much better than he is. He shoulda been more tactful but alas some people have really bad social skills.
how so? I mean I am kind of pissed because I am at a vulnerable stage in my life right now since I am pretty lost on what I want to do and he is basically kicking me while I am down.
I don't see where you are "down". You decided to go back home to Mom & Dad because you didn't do well in college, and now are "taking a break".
Sounds like he hit a nerve with you. Doesn't matter if you were never on his radar or vice-versa, he is doing better than you right now, and him saying it to your face made you realize it.
So cowgirl up, get a job, and stop wasting your life at your parents house being "lost", and prove him wrong.
So brief history is that I was always the one who was better in school for as long as I can remember and got into a good University while he had to stay back and go to a city college. I never thought much about it, he was never on my radar nor did I even care. Just consumed with my own life. Hardly ever talk to him. Well my relative got into medical school and rubbed it in my face while we were drinking. We are both the same age. I graduated a year early and he graduated after. I moved back home after graduation. I decided to take couple of years off, work to figure out my life. My grades weren't exactly good either since school was pretty hard about a 3.2. Not sure if medicine is what I want to do. I know for him his parents are very pushy. Saying I should be a doctor to me and other nephews.
We were drinking one time and he starts spewing how he is "better" than me now. How he had so much **** on him from parents cause I was doing better than him. I moved away from home, went to go a good school... just lot of pent up stuff that I never even knew about on his side. I was like wtf? He starts asking me what my gpa was in high school, sat score, from back then, my grades in college. To me it is so petty, but he is basically rubbing his "success" in my face while we were drinking. I am like congrats man... I am more calm or quiet. So just let him talk. Now that I got home I am thinking wtf just happened and now I am getting pissed, since I see his true colors. like wtf. Seems like a difference in personalities where I am a type B and he is type A. Really competitive, type A gunner in college. The people that I tend to avoid in undergrad. Want to hear your thoughts.
What are my thoughts? Take my advice young man, when you're under the influence, that's not a good time to get into family drama. Calm down and if it bothers you enough, and you care about your relationship, you'll have a sober conversation together.
I don't see where you are "down". You decided to go back home to Mom & Dad because you didn't do well in college, and now are "taking a break".
Sounds like he hit a nerve with you. Doesn't matter if you were never on his radar or vice-versa, he is doing better than you right now, and him saying it to your face made you realize it.
So cowgirl up, get a job, and stop wasting your life at your parents house being "lost", and prove him wrong.
This.
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I don't see where you are "down". You decided to go back home to Mom & Dad because you didn't do well in college, and now are "taking a break".
Sounds like he hit a nerve with you. Doesn't matter if you were never on his radar or vice-versa, he is doing better than you right now, and him saying it to your face made you realize it.
So cowgirl up, get a job, and stop wasting your life at your parents house being "lost", and prove him wrong.
It sounds like your cousin is a sore winner going bald, and exhibiting boorish behavior. You have two choices. Accept the fact that he's acting like a boor and take the high road and wish him all the best, or, sink to his level. None of us has the ability to control the way a person thinks, feels, or expresses themselves. We only have the ability to control the way we respond to the situation. Try not to take what he said too personally. It sounds like he desperately needs a victory and just went about it the wrong way. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Wait long enough and everybody in your life will have a chance to disappoint you one way or another. Dismiss everyone who does and you will live in an emotional desert.
Without telling us just how many drinks you'd both had or what lead up to the conversation I can't answer this.
If you were both having more than a few, I've often seen innocuous comments by someone met with a full out "blow up" by another person which seems to have happened here.
In short, if you were both sauced you need to let it go.
In particular, you need to work on YOU.
Keep in mind there is ALWAYS someone better off in some way than you out there. Gotta make a plan and work on it and be happy with you.
Try this OP. Be true to yourself. Knowing who you are places you in the position of not having to give any thought about what others think of you. If I would have had that same conversation that you described, I would have said something along the line of "well, everyone is entitled to their opinion,and yours just happens to be dead wrong". And I would never allow this person to feel that he was superior than me,or that he was now somehow favored over me. Walk away, learn from it, and get on with your life. Remember, the best way to silence people like this is to work hard and be successful. Now that will drive him nuts!
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