House guest always wants his clothes washed before he leaves-what is that-rude, strange, normal...??? (person, member)
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I never have regarded myself as "super stepmom" nor do I do it for show. I do try to make the visit nice for everyone. Why would I not? I can't just kick them out without breakfast if they want it. That would be rude. I don't want to be rude. Lunch to take on the road--my grandmother used to do that and I think it's a nice thing to do.
My original question was to get an idea of if this is seen as either rude behavior, strange or normal. Is this what people do, because it's not what I do.
And by suggesting that he do the laundry the night before is only to show that maybe he could've spent the morning with his family instead of doing laundry, packing etc. He could've done it all while we were outside visiting.
yeah but then you are upset about it. They 'eat and run'. They aren't following your preferred time-line of events, and are taking it all personally.
He doesn't know you want him to do laundry the night before and hang out with you while you cook if you don't tell him.
I have a very controlling friend and she simply directs me, lol! When in her house. She does it in a nice way, like how Kathryn A. says on here to phrase things.
I lack that talent as you seem to, but it can be learned.
I'm not confused, I was just asking at the start of this post if this is either rude, strange, or normal behavior? Is this something that other people do? Clearly it is. I, however, do not.
and clearly you don't care if it's normal. You don't do it, and you don't like it being done.
I should take this advice. I guess I'm so concerned with making the visit nice for my husband and his son/family, I end up doing it all. Do I resent that? Yeah, I guess I do. And I did cut back one year on Thanksgiving. I decided that I was going to enjoy after dinner with everyone else and not get up and do the dishes. Well, no one else did either. My daughter asked me if we should start clearing and I said that I wasn't going to do the dishes, I was too tired. Now this was about 8 people (SS, DIL plus some other husbands relatives) Everyone on here should know that Thanksgiving is a lot of dishes. The china had to be hand washed because it has gold plate, plus all the silver and crystal. Oh, they washed them. Did they scrape off the food? Not really. Did they change the water at all? Nope. My daughter came into the dining room and told me that when she was going to put the dishes away but they were so greasy and there was still food on the bottom of the plates. I told her, just put them away and when they all leave, we'll just wash them all again. And that's what we did.
Yup, you definitely need to be more direct. I leap up to help SM with dishes because I did it all my life. And my father's siblings are just that way. They leap up and take over the dishes.
Since that pattern hasn't been established you have to establish it. New Rules! You can brightly say. Assign someone to scrape, someone else to do the next step, so on and so forth.
And that is why it bugged me when my family member did her laundry before she left. Yes, she did the laundry herself. But like you said, she was using more of my hot water, detergent, and electricity, after she and her family already spent a week doubling my electricity and water usage (showers, rinsing bathing suits, teeth brushing, AC turned up in the guest portion of the house). They swam in our pool (more people=more chemicals). We provided 80% of the food and drink. We put miles on our car and used our gas to take them places. I did 90% of the kitchen cleanup while they were here, plus I had more cleanup to do after they left - cleaning the guest bathroom, vacuuming, washing the linens and towels - so many towels!
I didn't even have a chance to say No. "You don't mind if I do our laundry, do you?" she asked, as she loaded clothes in the washer. And I certainly didn't want to have an uncomfortable confrontation on the last day of the visit.
I felt used. Taken advantage of. Fortunately, I didn't have to deal with it again, as circumstances have prevented them from visiting.
When I go on vacation and stay in a hotel, I take home a suitcase full of dirty clothes. It's no big deal. Pack a plastic garbage bag for the dirty clothes to separate them from the not- or not-so-dirty clothes. It's not rocket science.
So, houseguests, don't ASSUME it's okay to do your laundry. And don't even ask. Wait for your host to suggest it. And if your host doesn't, then suck it up, and bring your dirty laundry home.
After all of that why let the chump change from laundry drag you down?
After all of that why let the chump change from laundry drag you down?
I was thinking the same thing, related to the OP going out of her way to plan activities, bake, cook meals. BUT I think the difference is that doing laundry on the last day doesn't have anything to do with the visit, and doesn't benefit anyone during the visit. After all of that hospitality, now the host is expected to provide a service that will only help the guest once they are home. I can see why the line is drawn there.
After all of that hospitality, now the host is expected to provide a service that will only help the guest once they are home. I can see why the line is drawn there.
Asking to use the washer doesn't mean he was expecting her to do the laundry.
Unless she is ready to tell her step son that he may not use the washer-dryer she needs to
let it go. What if he needed the laundry why he was there because he soiled something.
Would she say that it's okay while you are here but not if you are leaving ??
I suspect the dad would not appreciate her being difficult about using a washer -dryer that
belongs to him as well.
Does she care about how he feels about it ?
Asking to use the washer doesn't mean he was expecting her to do the laundry.
Unless she is ready to tell her step son that he may not use the washer-dryer she needs to
let it go. What if he needed the laundry why he was there because he soiled something.
Would she say that it's okay while you are here but not if you are leaving ??
I suspect the dad would not appreciate her being difficult about using a washer -dryer that
belongs to him as well.
Does she care about how he feels about it ?
My very first post in this thread addresses this exact question. It makes perfect sense to use it if you don't have enough clothes to make it through the week (or you have messy kids, spill something, etc.) Asking to do all your laundry on the last day of the trip is purely selfish. It isn't necessary, and it transfers a chore he would do at home the next day, to the OP's home, the OP's time, the OP's soap, water, etc. There just isn't any reason for it. It wouldn't be out of the question for the host to want to get a start on the guest's towels and sheets, or her own laundry that she might have put off while having guests.
True, in the grand scheme, it may not be a big deal, but why would a guest feel like it is appropriate to make this request on the very last day of the trip?
My very first post in this thread addresses this exact question. It makes perfect sense to use it if you don't have enough clothes to make it through the week (or you have messy kids, spill something, etc.) Asking to do all your laundry on the last day of the trip is purely selfish. It isn't necessary, and it transfers a chore he would do at home the next day, to the OP's home, the OP's time, the OP's soap, water, etc. There just isn't any reason for it. It wouldn't be out of the question for the host to want to get a start on the guest's towels and sheets, or her own laundry that she might have put off while having guests.
True, in the grand scheme, it may not be a big deal, but why would a guest feel like it is appropriate to make this request on the very last day of the trip?
I think in the OP and most of the other posts, the guest is a family member -usually a parent/child. I think (both as a parent and a child) if a couple of loads will make the return a bit easier then why not? If my kids visit and on the last day, we're just hanging out anyway, then by all means toss a load in. I'm happy if it takes one small chore off the to-do list for their return. If they were visiting every weekend and bringing loads of family laundry I'd probably feel differently. I might also think it was odd from a non-family visitor.
I think in the OP and most of the other posts, the guest is a family member -usually a parent/child. I think (both as a parent and a child) if a couple of loads will make the return a bit easier then why not? If my kids visit and on the last day, we're just hanging out anyway, then by all means toss a load in. I'm happy if it takes one small chore off the to-do list for their return. If they were visiting every weekend and bringing loads of family laundry I'd probably feel differently. I might also think it was odd from a non-family visitor.
I think, as the host, I wouldn't care, but as the guest I would never ask, if that makes sense. I can see why the host would be kind of annoyed. Not "start a CD thread" annoyed, but annoyed. And, yes, I think it is different in a parent-child relationship.
I think in the OP and most of the other posts, the guest is a family member -usually a parent/child. I think (both as a parent and a child) if a couple of loads will make the return a bit easier then why not? If my kids visit and on the last day, we're just hanging out anyway, then by all means toss a load in. I'm happy if it takes one small chore off the to-do list for their return. If they were visiting every weekend and bringing loads of family laundry I'd probably feel differently. I might also think it was odd from a non-family visitor.
Absolutely! Great post. Each situation and relationship is a little different.
I can imagine being slightly annoyed in certain circumstances. And, yes, like you mentioned maciesmom, there are some instances I would probably have a real problem with (like every weekend visitors.)
But, overall, with the vast majority of visitors/guests, I wouldn't mind a bit if I could help them out by offering use of my w/d. It's just not a big deal. Everyone has their little quirks and idiosyncrasies, even if I felt like the OP I wouldn't act on those feelings or say anything, because I would recognize that feeling annoyed by a small, insignificant act such as doing laundry was my own quirk, and that doing laundry before heading home was one of my son's human quirks.
It comes down to this for me: When I imagine sitting down with someone and airing this grievance out loud, do I sound resonable? Are my expectations realistic? Or do I sound ridiculously petty and will likely create more problems than I solve?
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