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I can be on friendly terms with most of my exes. I am not actively maintaining a friendship with any of them, because everyone on the relationship forum came to the conclusion that doing so, was preventing me from having a healthy relationship with someone new. Of course a year of no contact with any exes has not resolved the unable to find a good man issue, nor did I think it would. But I cut them off anyway. I could reach out if need be and things would be fine though.
I'm fairly good friends with my FWB - the "benefits" part is fading out, but we're still very emotionally supportive of one another.
I have a lot of platonic male friends, quite a few from high school and former jobs. But haven't kept any friendships with my exes for more than year or so. I DO have reasonably good friendships with a couple guys that I met on OKCupid but never went on more than a couple dates with.
I'm not exactly relationship-inclined, though I'm discovering that's due to some deep-seated issues from my childhood. But I think when I meet a guy I like, I tend to think "do I want them as a friend or a lover?" and I inevitably land on what I see as more lasting - friend. So that's what I build with them.
Would enjoy hearing about it. Also, if the friendship with a former girlfriend or boyfriend worked for a while, but then dissolved due to conflict or lack of interest or incompatibility or hold-over feelings that are painful, etc.
The best and most trusted friend I have, is a former girlfriend, decades after the last time we got physical. She cares about my best interests and knows that I care about hers.
I believe once a person is an ex, they are now x out the individuals life. I would never be with a woman who has friends that are exes. I would go as far as not being with her if there are too many male friends. I like my woman reserved and away from situations that may tempt her to do me wrong.
I had a similar situation with an ex-boyfriend. My boyfriend from high school/college, in fact. Years after we'd broken up he became engaged to another woman. I knew this because we were still in touch.
I'd commented innocently one day on the phone that I hadn't received an invitation to their wedding. (I had been assured that, yes, I was invited.) Then the story came out. He'd been telling her things about me that -- true or false -- were designed to ignite her jealousy. So no invitation, obviously.
Maybe "Vincent" didn't want you to know about this woman because he didn't want the two of you comparing notes.
I suppose that's possible.....either that, or he didn't want her to know he was still in touch/friends with an ex-girlfriend. Saying this because when I e-mailed him asking if he wanted to be on my Christmas card list that year, he said something like "You can just send one by e-mail if you feel so inclined." Which was very abrupt and snippy from how he usually communicated, and when I mentioned it to a friend, she said it sounded like he didn't want anyone to see a potential card or ask/know who it was from.
Yes, my first husband and I are friends. But it took 30+ years to get there. The rest of them - meh - don't even expend any energy thinking about them.
I've been on friendly terms with one of my old girlfriends over the years. We parted on kind of bad terms, but she emailed me a happy birthday greeting about 20 some years ago (probably 12 or 15 years after we broke up), and we exchange a few emails every year back and forth about our lives.
We were vacationing in the city where my ex-girlfriend lives about 15 years ago and my wife said if I wanted to meet her for coffee or lunch that would be fine. So we arranged a date for us (my wife, daughter and myself) to meet my ex. We all chatted very amicably for a half hour or so and my wife then asked me if she could take our daughter, who was getting a bit restless (she was probably 10 or 11 at that time) and walk around to some of the shops next to the coffee shop. She also said, hey, you guys probably would like a few minutes of private time to chat without us around anyway....so off they went for an hour or so while my ex and I talked.
I have to say.....I've never loved my wife more than I did that day for showing me that trust, and realizing that we all have history, nothing to be ashamed of there, and that she was secure enough in our relationship to leave us alone for a while to chat and catch up on the last any number of years.
My wife has history with her ex-husband and his family too. I've never stood in her way in keeping her relationships in that family intact where she wishes to do so. In fact we've had her ex's parents and other family members over to our home a few times over the years when it seemed appropriate. They are good people....and just because her ex was kind of an ass, it doesn't mean his entire family was "blessed" with his faults.
My older brother divorced about 30 years ago from his wife. They remained very good friends until her death just this last year. She moved half way across the country and remarried. She would come back to visit the kids, who had stayed with my brother in their mid-teen years after the divorce, several times a year and they would always go out to dinner as a family and on very friendly terms. I never heard him say anything bad about her....and our side of the family always loved her during their marriage as well as after. The cause of the break up was my brother was "married" time wise to his business more than his human family. He treated them very well financially and was good to them with everything but his time. When they divorced, she said she would always love him, but she wanted more closeness with her spouse.
Just this past year when she was diagnosed with cancer, her new husband of 20 some years would actually call my brother occasionally, and frequently email updates on her condition so he knew what was going on with her.
I have to be honest with you....I thought that was pretty cool. It is possible to love more than one person at once, and in many different ways. The sooner we realize that, rather than being so jealous about anyone else having a friendship or even just a little beyond a standard friendship with an ex, or anyone else for that matter, the better off and more secure we'll all be in our relationships. The fabric of life is complex at times with lots of different fibers and colors woven in....life isn't always 100% white cotton.
I'm friends with one of my ex's. We dated, got engaged, and broke up over 20 years ago. It wasn't friendly at first. We only became friends about 5 or 6 years after the breakup. He's married now and has a cute son who is going into second grade next year. I've met his wife and I like her. She doesn't have any problems with me because she knows I'm not interested in him anymore. My feelings for him are completely platonic at this point. I still care about what happens to him as much as I care about any of my friends. But there is literally zero romantic feelings left there and he feels more like an old college buddy than an ex bf/fiance.
I'm also still fb friends with an ex bf's best friend. I only dated my ex for about 2 months, my shortest relationship ever. But his friend was cool and I became friends with him so we're still on fb together. We don't hang out but I saw him about 5 years ago at a neighborhood event. Thankfully my ex wasn't with him.
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The rest of them - meh - don't even expend any energy thinking about them.
