Fear of dogs ettiquette (conversation, husband, person, member)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Id like her fine if she wasnt such a spazz about my dog. I also am not the one inviting them
I've run into that with a family member. Imo, she was an over protective mother. I have two dogs presently. Without saying a word I started keeping them in the room but on leashes, sitting next to me. The girl would hide her head in her mother and refuse to look but I just pretended I didn't notice and before you knew it, the dogs were wandering around and the child wasn't noticing the dogs. I tried to make it as low key as possible. I also kept an eye on the dogs so that should the dogs go near the child, I could intervene. Not that they are dangerous, it's just that I figured if she first got used to them wandering around at a distance, it would be better. It can reinforce a child's fear of something if the parent is constantly reminding people (and thereby the child) that the child is afraid of a certain creature or thing.
Act oblivious if the mother mentions her child's fear of dogs. If she says it so that you can't ignore it, just say blandly, "That's too bad" and go about your regular business. If she leaves, so be it.
But I'd also be inclined to tell your mother that if she invites those people you are giving her a heads up that the dog will be present.
Believe it or not, I've had a similar experience with people who are terrified of my cat (he's about 6 months old)! While I used to put him in another room or lock him in his carrier when these folks visit, I keep him out now. No, its not the same as a dog, but I'm like if you want to visit my house (which is also the cat's house), I'm not locking my cat up for you anymore.
I've sometimes put my cats in another room when people were coming over, but it wasn't for their convenience. It was because some people don't have the sense to watch the door when they are coming and going, and I don't want my cats getting out.
I might consider putting up a pet for a guest with allergies, but honestly, it probably wouldn't do much good, because the hair and dander are already there. People who just don't like animals are not likely to be invited over, anyway. Love me, love my "kids!"
I think my mom just thinks the more the merrier and they are close by. I likely will just tell my mom its a pain when they come over and i dont like having to put the dog in the house and have him cry and go nuts looking at us out the window. It seems petty...but i think the mother is kind of wrong here.
I think YOUR mother is kind of wrong here. She needs to stop inviting friends of her friends over to your house.
I honestly think my mom invited these people once now it's basically her friend telling the daughter to come over. I could care less if they come over and hang out in the yard for a bit (it's like 2 to 3 times in the summer) but the expectation seems to be to put the dog in the house. My DH usually ends up putting him in. Part of me would like to see what would happen if the dog wasnt put inside. Maybe theyd just decide to leave on their own. After us being the ones to succumb to their needs the first 6 to 8 times i kind of feel like it's their turn...deal with it or leave. I do wonder if the mother prepares the kid on the way over...or does kid not remember, hey this is the house with the dog im afraid of. She seems fine until she sees him and then she freaks out.
Like I said our niece and nephew are afraid too but they come around after a while. They dont have the kicking screaming fear that this girl does
If you insist on letting these people come over,then I think you need to keep putting the dog up. It's not up to you to change this little girl's fear of dogs, and she can't help it that her mom keeps bringing her over. It's not like she ASKS to come over and then expects you to put the dog up.
My gosh, my two big 70 and 95 pound dogs are like my children to me, but I put them up when some guests come over. It's part of being a good hostess.
Of course, these are guests that I invited over myself.
I have zero patience for people who have an irrational fear of dogs and would never confine mine on my own property because a visitor is "afraid". If they are that fearful of a dog, don't visit. I walk my dog down one street where a woman, if she is outside, literally throws her hands up in the air and runs into her house when she sees us walking down the sidewalk. This "over the top" reaction to a dog annoys me to no end. I've had my share of dog bites since childhood. But I have never comprehended how people can be so terrified of every dog they see. Get some therapy. Dogs are everywhere.
I'm with you OP. Love me, love my dogs. If I were you, I'd keep my dog on a leash WITH me OUTSIDE at the party at all times. The little girl could then avoid me and my dog as she so chooses. If the mother doesn't like the arrangement, then she can either stay home of find a babysitter for the child.
I know what a phobia is all about. I am terrified of bees and wasps since I sat on a bumble bee nest when I was four. I am now in my late 50's and am still terrified. That doesn't stop me from going outside. I just RUN like hell when one approaches me lol.
I do put the dog away when they visit. That's my whole point. I don't think i should have to anymore. I think they are the ones who know the dog is there and they should either deal with the dog or not come.
This is a pretty selfish viewpoint.
While you may love your dog unconditionally, it's clear that some of the other people in your life, do not. Some may have had traumatic experiences with dogs in the past. Or some might just not like them for reasons xyz. That's life. Irrespective, you can sacrifice those relationships to make it a point that "they should either deal with the dog or not come." But,what will that gain you?
If it's such a problem and you feel inconvenienced or offended at having to put your dog away to make your guests feel more welcomed/comfortable, then let them know this. However, be willing to either meet these people elsewhere, come off as an ungracious host, and/or lose family members/friends.
Fyi I own 2 dogs. I voluntarily put them in their own room when people visit, unless the visitor expressly states they want my dogs around. To me, it's the gracious thing to do.
Same here.
My dog is part of my family but when I have company, he's confined to a different part of the house. It's not harmful to him and if it makes my guests more comfortable, I have no problem with it.
I realize not everyone loves my dog like I do. My dog is not equal to a child. My dog does not rule my house.
I do put the dog away when they visit. That's my whole point. I don't think i should have to anymore. I think they are the ones who know the dog is there and they should either deal with the dog or not come.
I agree with you. They know you have a dog and if I were terrified or my children, if we wanted to see you, we would meet elsewhere. I would be afraid the dog might get loose, you know, and eat me and my family alive! Also, sending off vibs of fear to a dog is a recipe for disaster.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
I could see being gracious the first time they came, and you saw how terrified the kids were. But now, it's on them.
It sounds as though you would be just as happy if they stayed away, now convey that message to your mother who keeps inviting them.
Agree. I think everyone will be better off in the end if this is taken care of.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
Why not tell your mom that her friends are not invited. Or, that her friend cannot invite her daughter and four kids....That is unbelievable.
I think you have put up with this far too long. The question is why? At this point it should be about protecting your dog....if these kids are so misbehaved, and their mother so irresponsible as to keep bringing her children over knowing they are so afraid of your dog....imo It sounds like their behavior could incite any dog, your dog is at risk. If he bit one of them he'd be in trouble. I would not let them come to my house at all again.
I agree that behavior could incite the dog. I just wouldn't take my kids to a house where I saw their dog as a threat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheotherMarie
I like this. Dogs are family members. I wouldn't ask somebody to put their child away if they were annoying me! "Please, could you just put your child in her room? She's got chocolate on her hands and she keeps touching me." hehehe
Love it! And, how many times has someone had to bite their tongue not to say something like that?
I have zero patience for people who have an irrational fear of dogs and would never confine mine on my own property because a visitor is "afraid". If they are that fearful of a dog, don't visit. I walk my dog down one street where a woman, if she is outside, literally throws her hands up in the air and runs into her house when she sees us walking down the sidewalk. This "over the top" reaction to a dog annoys me to no end. I've had my share of dog bites since childhood. But I have never comprehended how people can be so terrified of every dog they see. Get some therapy. Dogs are everywhere.
There are so many people who are afraid or do not like dogs,at least in my area.
Keep in mind that i live in a diverse area that includes people from other cultures who view dogs as dirty.
I know some nurses from Jamaica that told me dogs do not belong in the house but tied up in the backyard on a chain all day and all night
As to the underlined,ever see the news?
The many reporting of pit bulls that kill can certainly make some people terrfied.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Also, sending off vibs of fear to a dog is a recipe for disaster.
