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my brother and his wife of 10 yrs split (2nd marriage for both)... not an easy break up, lots of hurt feelings and drinking issues. I have always been 'friendly' with the (ex) wife (other family were not) and remain friends since the divorce.... in fact, have become better friends since.
The brother hates this and says she "hurt him badly" which may be, but the truth is he is a rude sanctimonious drunk which is why she left him. I wondered if she kept the friendship with me to get at him, but it's become too sincere and for too long (1 yr, or more).... interestingly, he remains friends with her son, which the exwife is fine about.... and her family is lovely to me and inclusive.
Is it wrong to remain friends with her? I have loyalty concerns but honestly my brother has been an embarrassment to me for many years now and it's hard to muster a lot of concern for him based on some very egregious behavior.... he does it to everyone ...also, is it odd that the exwife pursues the friendship with me?
my brother and his wife of 10 yrs split (2nd marriage for both)... not an easy break up, lots of hurt feelings and drinking issues. I have always been 'friendly' with the (ex) wife (other family were not) and remain friends since the divorce.... in fact, have become better friends since.
The brother hates this and says she "hurt him badly" which may be, but the truth is he is a rude sanctimonious drunk which is why she left him. I wondered if she kept the friendship with me to get at him, but it's become too sincere and for too long (1 yr, or more).... interestingly, he remains friends with her son, which the exwife is fine about.... and her family is lovely to me and inclusive.
Is it wrong to remain friends with her? I have loyalty concerns but honestly my brother has been an embarrassment to me for many years now and it's hard to muster a lot of concern for him based on some very egregious behavior.... he does it to everyone ...also, is it odd that the exwife pursues the friendship with me?
Help.
I don't think there's anything wrong with being friends with his ex-wife, when you can see both sides of the situation, and see that neither side was completely blameless. She was family and it's hard to ignore that connection.
Just make sure it doesn't go beyond friendship, unless you're ready to stir up a hornet's nest of problems.
It depends on why they ended up splitting. If she did something horrible to him I understand why he has bitter feeling towards you staying friends with her. Almost as if his happiness and self worth and companionship is worth less to you. But if it wasn't horrendous, then I'd say he's overreacting, because lasting relationships form over the course of 10 years.
I would say though, respect your brothers wishes that he doesn't want to be associated with her. Don't start bringing her to your family functions or your house when you know he's going to stop by. Or post things online about how close you two are becoming.
my brother and his wife of 10 yrs split (2nd marriage for both)... not an easy break up, lots of hurt feelings and drinking issues. I have always been 'friendly' with the (ex) wife (other family were not) and remain friends since the divorce.... in fact, have become better friends since.
The brother hates this and says she "hurt him badly" which may be, but the truth is he is a rude sanctimonious drunk which is why she left him. I wondered if she kept the friendship with me to get at him, but it's become too sincere and for too long (1 yr, or more).... interestingly, he remains friends with her son, which the exwife is fine about.... and her family is lovely to me and inclusive.
Is it wrong to remain friends with her? I have loyalty concerns but honestly my brother has been an embarrassment to me for many years now and it's hard to muster a lot of concern for him based on some very egregious behavior.... he does it to everyone ...also, is it odd that the exwife pursues the friendship with me?
Help.
Define "friendly."
If she had never married your brother, would you and her view each other as relationship material? Is there any mutual attraction (or at least physical attraction from your end)?
I'm not suggesting that you and her go down that path, but it's possible that you're each other's soulmate. Some of the best relationships start as friendships. My hunch is that if you guys are meant to be together, it'll happen one way or the other.
If she had never married your brother, would you and her view each other as relationship material? Is there any mutual attraction (or at least physical attraction from your end)?
I'm not suggesting that you and her go down that path, but it's possible that you're each other's soulmate. Some of the best relationships start as friendships. My hunch is that if you guys are meant to be together, it'll happen one way or the other.
Your assumption is that the OP is male, and/or that this is a romantic attraction?
To clarify: she and I (I'm a woman) are not involved beyond friends. And of course my brother claims she was horrible to him; fact is he is the world class ass (which has been revealed to me through this process), but I never had to 'deal with it before.'
As for the exwife's "horrible behavior" my brother continues to try to get her back as she was the love of his life. So the hurtful part is that she finally left him..... he really is iving in Lala-land beliving he can do no wrong... core basis of the issue.
Additionally... my brother has refused to visit because I live near her (she moved very close to me out of the blue, but without my knowledge)... and he claims I somehow colluded to get her to move near me? He's a paranoid because no such thing happened and I didn't know about the move til AFTER it occurred and was surprised as anyone. (She never discussed it prior to the move)
This was the original source of the contention with my brother... who questioned me extensively about when/how this occurred. I told him then and since then that I knew nothing about it (which I didn't) and did not appreciate the nature of his inquiry and insinuation that I "orchestrated " this??? Utterly rediculous... but admittedly somewhat odd.
The distrust has just ruined my relationship with him.
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