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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00
Strangers? These are people you see for 40 hours each week. And no one is saying the OP needs to be "deliriously happy" for these people. A simple congratulations is fine.
I see my neighbors for more than that and they are still strangers. Time does not equal a relationship.
Why? No one gets excited about the stuff that I'm doing. Nor do I expect them to.
When you can't be happy for others, it means you view the world as a victim, in terms of how EVERYTHING affects you. Instead of feeling a sense of empathy for others, you only care about what it means for you.
People aren't getting married and/or pregnant just to spite you. You can't frame what happens to other people in terms of YOUR life because it means you are a self-centered person who doesn't care about other people, which is no way to live. It's very unfulfilling, as you can see.
It's like someone removed a part of your brain that enables you to care, which sucks.
...Where I used to work, the single women used to complain about it too. They always had to shell out money for gifts for a co-worker who was getting married or a shower gift for a baby. People would go around taking donations or sometimes we'd all be invited to the party at the person's house. I was married so I didn't "get" why they were so upset. After I thought about it, I understood.
These single women were not dual income earners yet they had to dole out money on a regular basis to people who had two incomes. The single women couldn't always quite afford it and they never got anything given to them. Some of them had no interest in marriage at all but they had to play along...
Being a single, childfree by choice, female, this has been an issue for me for yeeeeears. It's even worse here in Utah--highest birthrate in the US. I resented the many showers, weddings, engagement parties/events I was invited to partake in...aka "donate to." But do you know what I got from my former employer & co-workers when I graduated with my Bachelor's Degree after working there for 7 years? A greeting card. Yup. That was it.
The monumental/important life events in one person's life, don't always match up with other people's life events. I've been to a few wedding receptions for co-workers, & brought a decent gift. But I shouldn't feel obligated to do so, or judged if I don't participate. THAT is what gets to me.
When you can't be happy for others, it means you view the world as a victim, in terms of how EVERYTHING affects you. Instead of feeling a sense of empathy for others, you only care about what it means for you.
People aren't getting married and/or pregnant just to spite you. You can't frame what happens to other people in terms of YOUR life because it means you are a self-centered person who doesn't care about other people, which is no way to live. It's very unfulfilling, as you can see.
It's like someone removed a part of your brain that enables you to care, which sucks.
Thanks for the analysis, but actually I am capable of caring about other people. But I'm not going to care about people's personal lives just because I happen to work with them.
I actually recently met the new baby and it wasn't a traumatic experience for me or anything. He was cute and all, but like I said- babies don't really excite me.
Babies wouldn't excite me either but that doesn't mean I can't understand someone else's happiness. Maybe I'm wrong (my offices were primarily governmental not private sector), but it is unethical if not illegal for an employer to require their employees to contribute to parties and the like. Voluntary solicitations are OK, putting up a potluck sign up sheet is OK, but they can't force everyone to participate.
Acknowledge your co-workers' life-changing event with a friendly comment, a card, or do nothing. If the cost of the CARD also annoys you maybe keep a small collection of bargain basement cards in your desk and grab one when you need to. Think of all the unsolicited greeting cards people get in the mail from charities or other organizations...use them.
There's a reason you are reluctant to "look bad" or that your conscience bothers you if you do nothing...listen to it.
The last thing that occurs to me when someone announces a wedding, baby, or whatever is sex!
You probably would have hated the town of 400 I lived in for 16 years. One of the post office ladies sent every single person a birthday card every single year for no other reason than the enjoyment. She usually received 100 or so cards on HER birthday because she was such a kind person. In this same town people would bring get well, wedding, birth, congratulations, sympathy, or other life event cards to the local mom-pop market for others to sign if they chose to. I remember receiving one and can't express how the kind wishes made me feel.
You are not celebrating their sex lives, you are celebrating major milestones in their lives. Do you consider celebrating your birthday as celebrating that your parents had sex? Don't you wish your co-workers well in their lives? Just get a card and be done with it.
You are not celebrating their sex lives, you are celebrating major milestones in their lives. Do you consider celebrating your birthday as celebrating that your parents had sex? Don't you wish your co-workers well in their lives? Just get a card and be done with it.
I don't celebrate my birthday.
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Time does not equal a relationship.
