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I haven't read the whole thread, but this stood out to me. Naturally, the first time they see each other since getting divorced is going to be very tense, and potentially dramatic. There's absolutely no reason that their first post-split meeting should be at the wedding. That's the wrong time for that to happen. It's unfair to their son. There needs to be some sort of meeting arranged prior to the wedding day (on neutral ground) in order to get that initial tension out of the way.
They have run into each other a few times in town. There was no scene or shouting match. There was no alcohol or mother's boyfriend or father's girlfriend involved either. This will be the first time that my dad is going to see my mom's boyfriend and vice versa.
This is not your problem. Just lay low and stay out of everything. Either your parents know how to behave in public, or they don't. There's nothing you can do about it.
I presume your brother is not stupid enough to seat them near each other? My ex husband and wife #3 were at our daughter's wedding. We would never behave badly, but he and his wife were seated with a few of his relatives, and my husband and I were seated with ours.
The bride's parents are divorced too so I would hope that she would know better. I would guess that the seating will be the same way, but of course not everyone will be seated and in the same spot all night.
I can remember my one friend who did this told me that the two parents got along so well now. At one get together, her mother pulled her aside in the kitchen and told her that her dad had been a wonderful father.
Now if you're from a family that is seriously messed up...this might not work. But most people are pretty normal....
I wouldn't say seriously messed up but they are both so stubborn that they cannot admit when they are wrong, or give each other credit for what they did right.
Your parents are responsible for their own behavior. Period.
I would be certain not to be seated at either's table.
Toast the newlyweds & take time to chat up all your elderly relatives & then leave.
And make sure I'm driving separately? During family events that are in another city, I will sometimes carpool with my dad. Not sure that would be a good idea here.
I would leave it alone. Who made you the family police? They're adults; treat them like they are adults. If anyone should set the rules it should be the bride and groom. You may start a fight when there would not be one.
They have run into each other a few times in town. There was no scene or shouting match. There was no alcohol or mother's boyfriend or father's girlfriend involved either. This will be the first time that my dad is going to see my mom's boyfriend and vice versa.
I don't think either of your parents should have been offered a +1 on their wedding invitations. I suppose it's too late to turn back on that now, but letting them bring their new partners was not a smart idea while tensions are still hot. It really is asking for disaster. Good luck to your brother and his bride. I hope cooler heads prevail.
i like the idea someone said about having a bouncer on hand, who will escort them out if there is trouble. if they continue to make a scene then call the cops. I was at a cousin's wedding, he was marrying a woman several decades older than he was, they hired uniformed law enforcement to be present at both the wedding and the reception so that if any of the three various family members violated their restraining orders, it would be taken care of. It was rather bizarre having them present. However that side of the family was happy to even have a wedding, since one of the other cousins got pregnant by a man who was in prison and there was no wedding at all. She was.....wait for it.....his attorney at the time. She went on to marry another attorney in the law firm. (We were trying to decide who is more impaired: the attorney who sleeps with her client in prison, the attorney who gets PREGNANT sleeping with her client in prison, or the attorney who marries the woman who gets pregnant by her client in prison.) That marriage didn't last. Then she was a single mom for a while. Then she married her son's piano teacher.
Het, I live in Kentucky too! We should grab lunch some time!
And make sure I'm driving separately? During family events that are in another city, I will sometimes carpool with my dad. Not sure that would be a good idea here.
Bad idea. Then you will be stuck. You seem to be a kind and caring person. I'm sorry you have to put up with all of this nonsense.
My dad was asking me questions about my mom the other day (does she still have the same car? Does she work? etc) I said something about her getting a different car and he asked how she could afford it and then asked if she works. I said I don't know. The wedding is coming up and he said maybe he'll ask her there. And then said he doesn't want her or her family knowing his business. He's rightfully upset with her since his name is still on her mortgage (and hr boyfriend is living there) but I shouldn't hear about it. And obviously a wedding is not an appropriate place to get into those issues.
So anyway, this will be the first time they are at the same gathering since getting divorced. I remember when they were married and being in the middle of arguments when they were drinking. I don't care to get in the middle of it again.
He's not above creating a scene. I took him to a bar recently and he had a little shouting match with the bartender who he thought disrespected him.
Should I warn them not to pull any crap? Or just let it go and walk away if I end up in the middle of any BS? I would hope they could be mature but not sure especially if alcohol is involved.
NO. NO. NO NO NO NO NO.
What you do have to do is visit the ACOA website. That would be Adult Children Of Alcoholics.
This is not your problem to fix. The fact that you even think it is your problem is in itself a problem. Go there. Learn. Change.
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