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I used to go out with male colleagues at a bookstore I worked at all the time in my 20s. Sometimes it would just work out that I was the only woman. There was mild flirting from one married guy who flirted with EVERYONE (he was otherwise very nice, so it was just a running joke with everyone else), and I ignored it. Everything was fine.
If YOU are uncomfortable with this dynamic but still want to participate, I would ask other peers within your group to join. My strategy when establishing a friendship with a guy I know is married is to get to know the wife too - either from asking about her or actually meeting her (and if she doesn't like me, I back away). But any guy I'm hanging out with as a friend knows that I'm fully aware of his married state and that I'm on his wife's side if he crosses any lines. It's never explicitly stated, but it's pretty much understood from the beginning. I work in a male-dominated industry and have a lot of platonic male friends - my personal and professional reputation would be completely destroyed (as well as the networks I've built over the past 20 years) if there was any sort of "scandal." I leave no room for confusion.
Yeah, what could possibly go wrong? Hang with your single buds.
Single buds often get drunk, hook up with strangers and then separate from the group leaving themselves, and their buds isolated from the group they arrive with. A group of married guys are more likely to stick together until the end of the evening.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schmooky
That's my beef. If it isn't a whole class outing and they're all married, inviting you along doesn't make a whole lot of sense unless at least one of them has ulterior motives.
They are all members of the same club and share a common interest. Is that the ulterior motive you were speaking of?
Or do you think single women should be segregated from men not of their family group because all men are essentially rapists. Maybe she should wear a burqa.
Wrong or right... who cares! If you want to go, go ahead and have fun, whether platonic or sexual. Enjoy time with people as often as possible, as ya never know when you might not be able to anymore. I wish I got out more when I was younger, that I didn't care what people thought, etc... if you enjoy hanging out with them... do it!
Hey! So the title is pretty self explanatory. I'm a 21 year old woman, who's enrolled in a martial arts class with a dominantly male population, to no real surprise. If it helps the answering of the question, I'm fairly attractive and well liked in the class (not trying to be conceited at all here, but as I stated, it may make a difference in the situation). Three of the more veteran-ranked members there, two of which are married and in their late 30's--early 40's, invited me specifically to go out with them for drinks at a nearby bar/restaurant, which has become a regular tradition at this point in time. They invite some of their friends, also male and of the same age range, who I get along with swimmingly. One of the veteran-ranked members who invited me flirts constantly, but it bothers me none and I ignore it.
I have slept with none of them and I am NOT a gold digger. I pay for my own drinks and my own meals (unless one of them ninja-pays for it while I'm distracted or the likes), and keep my intimate distance out of respect for their personal lives. Guess I just wanna know if that's odd and why they would invite me instead of some of the guys in the class who seem to match their age and personality more. Maybe I'm overthinking it and caring too much about what others think. Who knows.
Thanks in advance!
They're married and you're going out for drinks with them? One flirts with you? Yeah, no good can come from any of this. If there are other women from the class going, that's one thing, but it sounds like it's just a bunch of guys. There's a reason a guy old enough to be your dad is inviting you out for drinks when he's married......and it's not for tacos!
I have female friends near my daughters' age and go to social things with them and other people (sometimes all guys) at times. It is no big deal. I have no romantic interest in them.
The flirty guy cold have other motive, but if you make it clear you are not into geriatric love affairs, it should not be a problem. Some people are just flirty. Does he also flirt with the waitresses when you are out?
Talk with them about their wives and/or kids. Say you would like to meet them. If they suddenly stop inviting you, then you know they had dastardly motives.
if you make it clear you are not into geriatric love affairs, it should not be a problem.
Wow.... I'm in my 40's, which is the upper age bracket the OP says are going to these get togethers. 40's is HARDLY "geriatric." Hell, I know people in their 70's for whom I wouldn't use that as an (insulting) descriptor.
Wow.... I'm in my 40's, which is the upper age bracket the OP says are going to these get togethers. 40's is HARDLY "geriatric." Hell, I know people in their 70's for whom I wouldn't use that as an (insulting) descriptor.
Pretty sure that was sarcasm meant as a joke to keep the flirty dude in check.
Bad idea! Duh.
Been there and at 21 I too was naive and would hang out with married coworkers. Nothing ever happened but it easily could have if I wanted it to. The majority of guys cannot be friends with attractive women and leave it at that.
If she's not into them, they don't have much of a choice. Drinking buddies it is. Maybe someday they will kick her out of their group if the flirting doesn't work.
To the OP, there are a lot of old posters who live small sheltered lives that post here.
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Hahahaha! I know this is an a$$hat move quoting myself BUT I've obviously hit a nerve with quite a few of you.
I'm not saying anything you guys have already admitted to and that is that you are A.) old and B.) live in small towns.
Truth hurts sometimes.
For the record, I'm certainly not young.
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