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Fortunately my family seem to have stopped bugging me about this. Had they not, it wouldn't change my position on the subject.
The one person who still discusses it with is a friend who wants me 'to meet someone for the right reasons' because 'your problem with relationships is that you see them as a problem.' The stress and heartbreak hers cause do little to convince me otherwise!
OP, your life is your own. Your mother and grandmother can browbeat you all they like. It's your choice either to take it to heart or shrug off their opinions and live as you see fit. Not everyone needs a relationship to be happy or fulfilled.
I'm a male in my 50s who has never been married, nor do I date. It's partly a decision, and partly how the stars were aligned. I do think that single (by choice) men are judged differently than women are. Similarly, family and friends have asked when are you getting married, or have you ever even been close? As time go's by, it's often assumed that the bachelor is gay, yet it doesn't seem to pertain to the female who remains alone.
I think a few people here are being hard on the OP for no reason.
Her opening post hit home with me because when this happens you may find more a distance between relatives you once thought you were more close to. Or you have looked up to all your life only to realize that they really can be dead wrong about things. I mentioned in a previous post how my 80 something mom still mentally lives in the 1950's. The thing is that you just have to just accept it and I think for the OP is moving on and coming to terms with this. It is weird when you realize that you can't talk to your mom about certain things you always could before because you don't want to live in the past. Or be judged according to the rules of decades ago.
I though of something else sort of on the subject. My great grandmother was considered and old maid and burden on her family at age 28. They married, never liked each other and were miserable. It wasn't really all that long ago when you think about it.
I'm a male in my 50s who has never been married, nor do I date. It's partly a decision, and partly how the stars were aligned. I do think that single (by choice) men are judged differently than women are. Similarly, family and friends have asked when are you getting married, or have you ever even been close? As time go's by, it's often assumed that the bachelor is gay, yet it doesn't seem to pertain to the female who remains alone.
I have two level headed WELL ROUNDED men in our apt bldg and both in their mid 40's and no signs of marriage for them.
Then there is this other extreme. I know a man who is now early 80's and never married nor children. He's alone. I find him to be a very SELFISH person, does not have social "giving" graces. Once married and then children, one does develop a giving caring way to their lives. This man now is challenged with Parkinsons and has 24 hr caregivers.
I wonder how much contentment people have who have Never shared with another.
I only had one child now 53 and happy to have 2 grandkids in my life, limited as it is to see their gram.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly
My grandma is nearing 90 and I can't say I don't love my mom and grandma but every time I visit them they say things like "it's about time you get married" and "you don't want to be an old hag" etc. Both my mom and grandma come from a very traditional background where they both had an arranged marriage. They talk about arranging someone for me. -.- Come on now...
I live on the other side of the country and only see them twice a year. When they say things like this to me every time I see them it makes me not want to trek across the country and spend money to come see them.
Not sure if anyone here can relate but it's pretty frustrating when you don't feel you have a female role model in your family. Wish I could talk reason into them but I tried that when I was 7 and got punished. I also don't understand it at all because my dad and grandpa didn't treat them very well either... so why would they want that for me???
I eventually got my mom to stop being up in my so much about this topic but it took a lot of arguing over the phone and in person to make it happen. I had to draw a HARD line and zero tolerance policy around this subject and take the berating about my stance for years.
My advice, be purposeful and tell them this subject is NOT up for discussion and MEAN it.
I live on the other side of the country and only see them twice a year. When they say things like this to me every time I see them it makes me not want to trek across the country and spend money to come see them.
They can only drive you crazy if you hand them the keys.
They don't even call you; why would you waste money going to see them?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth
Then there is this other extreme. I know a man who is now early 80's and never married nor children. He's alone. I find him to be a very SELFISH person, does not have social "giving" graces. Once married and then children, one does develop a giving caring way to their lives. This man now is challenged with Parkinsons and has 24 hr caregivers.
I wonder how much contentment people have who have Never shared with another.
I only had one child now 53 and happy to have 2 grandkids in my life, limited as it is to see their gram.
I don't think he is too selfish if he realized that his personality was not conducive to a good family life and saved a woman and potential kids a hell of a lot of trouble. I know perfectly well I'm far too selfish to be a parent (and probably a husband) and have completely eliminated the possibility of family life from being a choice.
Well, OP, you could make up a really horrendous imaginary boyfriend and when they start about you getting married you can brag about your darling who wrestles professionally in Mexico and has 5 kids although he has never been married before, but they are darling kids and they will live with you when you marry El Monstro Verde (his wrestling name), but don't worry, he keeps going to auditions, hoping to make it as an actor so he won't have to travel so much.
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so much about this topic but it took a lot of arguing over the phone and in person to make it happen. I had to draw a HARD line and zero tolerance policy around this subject and take the berating about my stance for years.
