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I have been BFF with a particular lady for 20+ years but am considering the possibility that I need to end this friendship. She is exhibiting severe character defects and since I started therapy a little over a year ago, I do not think she is emotionally healthy nor a good person and do not want the negative energy in my life.
I was cheated on so that's why I got divorced and am starting to notice other bad traits she has such as gossiping, lying, cheating and stealing. We were in the mall one day and she had stuffed a few items in her bag, told me about it in the car. I do not believe in stealing, if I can't afford something, I do not go to the store in the first place. I told her I will not be going shopping with her anymore and didn't appreciate her using me.
She is also going out to the clubs every other weekend looking for strange and last time she was so drunk an ambulance had to be called, I didn't go, I don't drink and do not go to bars or clubs.
She has been married for over 10 years and she told me that she only married him because he is a good $ provider and has been having an affair all through out the marriage. She has a husband a home who seems like a decent guy, a boyfriend she dates and is also cheating on the both of them with random one night stands which she doesn't consider cheating. Says that she is not in love with her husband but cannot afford to leave him and the boyfriend is a workaholic so she plans to keep the status as she has been for almost a decade and has started a fling with the boss's son.
I personally told her she can benefit from therapy and maybe a 12step program but she doesn't agree. I have been avoiding her all week and am considering blocking her on my phone as well. Am I being too harsh, I don't want to be a lousy friend but am disgusted by her behavior.
What a piece of work she is. I agree on you blocking her from your life, she is a thief & a cheat, not someone I'd want to hang with. They say our choice of friends tell us who we are, she is a no go area.
I have been BFF with a particular lady for 20+ years but am considering the possibility that I need to end this friendship. She is exhibiting severe character defects and since I started therapy a little over a year ago, I do not think she is emotionally healthy nor a good person and do not want the negative energy in my life.
I was cheated on so that's why I got divorced and am starting to notice other bad traits she has such as gossiping, lying, cheating and stealing. We were in the mall one day and she had stuffed a few items in her bag, told me about it in the car. I do not believe in stealing, if I can't afford something, I do not go to the store in the first place. I told her I will not be going shopping with her anymore and didn't appreciate her using me.
She is also going out to the clubs every other weekend looking for strange and last time she was so drunk an ambulance had to be called, I didn't go, I don't drink and do not go to bars or clubs.
She has been married for over 10 years and she told me that she only married him because he is a good $ provider and has been having an affair all through out the marriage. She has a husband a home who seems like a decent guy, a boyfriend she dates and is also cheating on the both of them with random one night stands which she doesn't consider cheating. Says that she is not in love with her husband but cannot afford to leave him and the boyfriend is a workaholic so she plans to keep the status as she has been for almost a decade and has started a fling with the boss's son.
I personally told her she can benefit from therapy and maybe a 12step program but she doesn't agree. I have been avoiding her all week and am considering blocking her on my phone as well. Am I being too harsh, I don't want to be a lousy friend but am disgusted by her behavior.
You are not being too harsh. I would not want to have a relationship with someone who lacks integrity and ethics, either.
The therapy is making you aware of the bad choices you have made and helping you weed out those things....in this case people....who are toxic to you.
She sounds like a user....someone who chooses to interact with people who can do something for her. Stop whatever it is that you have been doing for her....and it could simply be that you have been an available friend.
Just simply be unavailable, don't reply to her texts, don't call or take calls.....just stay focused on improving your life and choose more carefully the people that you choose to let into your life. If she persists, simply state that you are focusing on making your own life better, and that you are no longer an available friend.
If you are her true BFF why don't you tell her how you really feel instead of just ignoring her?
Aren't true friends there for each other through "thick & thin "?
Make your displeasure and concern known to her.
If it were me I would appreciate such honesty from somebody who was a true friend for so long.
One thing I've discovered in my life is you can't change other people. You either accept them for who and what they are or you move on. Not everyone's values will match, and people change over time, and what you had in common 2 decades ago may have morphed into nothing more in common. You could be 100% right in realizing your friend needs therapy and a 12-step program, but that's really something she will need to discover for herself, in her own way and in her own time.
BTW, moving on doesn't have to be done out of anger, disgust or an act of revenge. At this point it might well be time for each of you to continue on down the road of life, following your own path. Sending out a mental thought of peace and good wishes to your (ex)friend is a powerful thing to do.
The therapy is making you aware of the bad choices you have made and helping you weed out those things....in this case people....who are toxic to you.
She sounds like a user....someone who chooses to interact with people who can do something for her. Stop whatever it is that you have been doing for her....and it could simply be that you have been an available friend.
Just simply be unavailable, don't reply to her texts, don't call or take calls.....just stay focused on improving your life and choose more carefully the people that you choose to let into your life. If she persists, simply state that you are focusing on making your own life better, and that you are no longer an available friend.
Good advice. Jan often says things I agree with. Run with this post.
The therapy is making you aware of the bad choices you have made and helping you weed out those things....in this case people....who are toxic to you.
She sounds like a user....someone who chooses to interact with people who can do something for her. Stop whatever it is that you have been doing for her....and it could simply be that you have been an available friend.
Just simply be unavailable, don't reply to her texts, don't call or take calls.....just stay focused on improving your life and choose more carefully the people that you choose to let into your life. If she persists, simply state that you are focusing on making your own life better, and that you are no longer an available friend.
I agree with this. She is not a good friend, if she was caught stealing while you were with her you could have gotten in trouble too.
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