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An ex girlfriend (from 30 plus ears ago) has been a lesbian for the last 25 or more years. The PC statement is she has always been a lesbian and only realized it 25 or so years ago. She has built her identity around being lesbian and made a career as a gay rights leader and author.
However, her current partner was a woman and has decided to become a man. The PC statement is she has always been a man and is finally allowed to recognize that he is a man trapped in a woman's body.
If my ex was always a lesbian and only attracted to women, how did she become attracted to a man trapped in a woman's body? How does she reaming attracted to him once she learned she was a he?
If my ex stays with her partner after the transformation to being a man, Is she still a lesbian, or is she now straight? She has built her entire identity and career around being lesbian. Will she have to eshew all of that if she stays with her partner as (s)he becomes a man? Even now, she still claims to be a lesbian despite the fact her partner presents as a many (but had not had all the hormone treatments and surgery yet). Is she?
When they met, was the partner a lesbian, or a straight guy trapped in a woman's body? If the latter, was it deceptive of him to express himself as a lesbian woman in their relationship at first? Was it inappropriate for him to get involved in lesbian meetings and issues if he was actually a straight male? After transitioning, can he still claim to be gay?
It seems to me a man who likes women is not gay and a woman who likes men is not a lesbian even if the man was once a woman.
This is all very confusing to me. Maybe someone more in tune with modern ideals can answer.
Sexuality and gender identity are two entirely different things.
Perhaps your ex is attracted to both men and women. She may consider herself gender fluid, and is attracted to the person, not their identity.
Her partner who has decided to transition because she feels as if she is a man. It has nothing to do with sexuality whatsoever. Sometimes when a person goes through a transition they may change who they are attracted to.
Frankly it is not something that YOU need to worry about. Try to have some compassion because I am sure that they are both asking these very hard and deep questions of themselves and each other. They do not yet know the answers.
Don't you think she is scared? that she won't be attracted to her partner after the transition? scared at what this means for her identity as a big "L" lesbian in her community? scared that her partner won't be attracted to her after the male hormones start flowing?
I feel like you are waiting in the wings to jump out and be vindicated with a big "A ha! Caught 'ya, you are not a lesbian!" moment. Just move along.
I can only give my own take on this kind of thing. As SalamanderSmile just said very well, it's not your place or ours to point fingers at people and tell them who they are or need to be. They need to figure it out.
Me, though? I find it kind of depressingly limiting, this idea that a person has to declare themselves as one thing and only one thing, which they always were, are, and only ever can be. I prefer unlimited possibility and evolution. On a certain site with many labels one may choose for one's profile, I selected "Evolving" and might keep it that way forever, because I figure I'll stop evolving when I'm dead. I usually date and have sex with males, but I often develop crushes on women and have had sex and relationships with a few female people in my life, so am I bisexual? What about the 18 years I spent faithfully monogamously married to a man, where I had no intimate interactions or attractions of any merit, to anyone but him? Was I straight then? Does that mean that, since that relationship is over, I'm not allowed to be with a woman because I did the straight thing for so long? I don't think so. I love people far more than I worry about plumbing. I have never dated a transperson, but I wouldn't rule them out...if the connection was right and I wanted to, I would. I don't stress myself over what that would make me, then. This is how you get a million words to describe every possible kind of attraction or behavior, this relentless need to label everything.
I prefer to live my life, do what works, and not fuss over my identity too much.
But I can't tell anybody else what to do, again, they'll just have to figure it out.
As a lesbian she fell in love with another woman. Just because her lover is changing to a man, IMHO, does not change that she is a lesbian, if that is how she self-identifies. She may still love her/him even if she/he changed genders.
While it does seem pretty confusing I can relate in a small way.
I married a brilliant, well educated, articulate man forty years ago. He is now completely cognitively disabled with dementia and a traumatic brain injury. I still love him very much even though he has changed very dramatically. But, I have not changed.
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