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I’m relatively new to social media. I only use Facebook and, even then, I don’t use it very often. I have one friend who I’m pretty sure tries to punish me with passive aggressiveness in real life whenever she’s upset with me. And now she does it on Facebook too. She’ll never mention me by name, but based on the phrasing and timing of her posts, I know it’s in reference to me. The problem, of course, is that it’s easy to deny. If you confront the person, they can simply claim you’re reading too much into what they wrote. By nature, I’m not a confrontational person. I tend to let most things roll off my back because I figure it’s not worth getting into a fight over something trivial. “Just let her cool off,” is what I usually say. But this has been a recurring pattern and it’s becoming exhausting. I’m also wondering if it’s just something that’ll never resolve itself. By tolerating it, am I sending the signal that such behavior is acceptable? Is this salvageable? Passive aggressiveness is something I thought people grow out of. But this person is in her 50s. Is it too late?
OP, you sound like a kind and thoughtful person. Absolutely no reason to tolerate this other person's comments making you feel badly. (actually there is no reason to tolerate it even if you were not kind and thoughtful. :-))
I agree with others here. Block and unfriend. If you don't protect yourself, no one else will.
If I stop being friends with this person, I doubt she’ll accept responsibility. Instead, it’ll reinforce her belief that I’ve somehow wronged her and that I’m the one who’s being a bad person. In the past, I’ve tried calling her out on such behavior. But she shuts down and refuses to talk. Again, it feels very immature. It reminds me of children who retreat to their bedroom, close the door, and punish everyone with the silent treatment. In my friend’s case, she’ll start with silence but eventually resume talking, only to make veiled comments about what I’ve supposedly done wrong. It’s very frustrating because you want to respond, but you know the other person doesn’t like hearing the truth. The moment you try, she’ll just walk away again. So I’m stuck in this spot where I listen or read her passive aggressive attacks, can’t respond because I know that doing so will only make things worse, and it only makes her think that she’s right. Seriously, is this person a lost cause? I’m just astounded that I’m seeing this in a person over 50.
If it’s mostly social media that’s bothering you, you don’t have to go full-blown and “block” or “unfriend” her. You can “unfollow” her. She can’t tell by looking if you’re following her or not, it’s kind of like the “ignore” feature on C-D. You just won’t see her posts, but technically you’ll still be “friends” on that social media platform.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,342,231 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
If I stop being friends with this person, I doubt she’ll accept responsibility. Instead, it’ll reinforce her belief that I’ve somehow wronged her and that I’m the one who’s being a bad person. In the past, I’ve tried calling her out on such behavior. But she shuts down and refuses to talk. Again, it feels very immature. It reminds me of children who retreat to their bedroom, close the door, and punish everyone with the silent treatment. In my friend’s case, she’ll start with silence but eventually resume talking, only to make veiled comments about what I’ve supposedly done wrong. It’s very frustrating because you want to respond, but you know the other person doesn’t like hearing the truth. The moment you try, she’ll just walk away again. So I’m stuck in this spot where I listen or read her passive aggressive attacks, can’t respond because I know that doing so will only make things worse, and it only makes her think that she’s right. Seriously, is this person a lost cause? I’m just astounded that I’m seeing this in a person over 50.
You cannot change a person. You only have control over yourself. She is over 50. She is not going to change.
You have to decide if you want to continue feeling exasperated and keep her as a friend or to be free and cut her off. It doesn't matter what she thinks. You cannot control that.
In your first sentence you say that you doubt she will take responsibility. She won't. She never will.
Yes, she is a lost cause because You Can't Make Her Change.
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