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Every year for the past several (longer than several years) a friend has tagged along with my sister and me to our family's Thanksgiving weekend.
We travel slightly out of town and spend a few nights. My parents make all the food, put us up, etc. My mom always has a few special requests, so I'll bring some groceries and festive drinks for the holiday dinner.
Sometimes our favorite non-alcoholic drink can sell out, so I ask said friend to pick up a few bottles as well.
This year I bought 4 bottles of wine and 3 bottles of the non-alcoholic sparkling juice. She picked up 3 bottles as well. Each bottle costs about $2.50.
During the weekend we finished up 2 bottles of wine and 3 bottles of juice. She decided to take "her" bottles of juice back home since they were unopened and unused. And resolved to never bring as many for future occasions.
I was always taught to bring a hostess gift, so in the hypothetical scenario I bring over a bottle of wine, bottle of alcohol and so on, it stays with the host! I don't think of this as an optional thing. Once in a while, I might bring over something I want to try, so I'll encourage the hostess (they must be a good friend) to open it up.
But taking unused bottles home? That seems petty to me! My sister and I were really puzzled by this.
Three is a lot to leave, it's not the price that is the problem. I would expect to ask if I could take 2 of my bottles home and leave one for the parents. Asking rather than taking is called for.
thats tacky, but to each its own opinion. Its like bringing an offering of wine , when visiting a friends home, but bringing the bottle back. Its an offering /gift, it stays. guest should go home empty handed, maybe with some food in foil.
Unless the host/hostess suggested it first and absolutely insisted that the guest take their contributions back with them, then yes, taking them back is rude and very undiplomatic. And it's a cheap shot like a slap in the face to the hostess/cook. There is no excuse for that behaviour, and it wouldn't matter if it had been one bottle or two dozen or more of them that were left unopened. If she took them there as a contribution to the hostess' dinner then she should have left all of them there. It's called etiquette, good manners, a way of showing appreciation for the generosity, expense, time and efforts of the host/hostess. The people hosting the dinner can decide for themselves to do whatever they want with the unopened bottles or other contributions that are left over.
This is probably viewed as being non-PC these days, but back when I was being raised and taught about good manners that kind of behaviour was what we called being an "Indian giver". It means when a cheap person gives somebody a gift and then takes it away from them.
Did your mother specifically invite your friend, or has it been you and your sister that have been inviting your friend? Your mother is probably too good hearted to voice any objections to your friend's action but you might want to check with mom and enquire whether or not she actually wants your friend coming to future family dinners that she is putting on.
It is only acceptable to take back items, if the host family have no use for them or are allergic etc, or will just throw them out. anything else is rude & nasty.
Sometimes our favorite non-alcoholic drink can sell out, so I ask said friend to pick up a few bottles as well.
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I was always taught to bring a hostess gift, so in the hypothetical scenario I bring over a bottle of wine, bottle of alcohol and so on, it stays with the host! I don't think of this as an optional thing. Once in a while, I might bring over something I want to try, so I'll encourage the hostess (they must be a good friend) to open it up.
But you asked her to pick up a few bottles, so it wasn’t intended as a hostess gift.
Did your friend help cook, clean up after meals(dishes), wash sheets before you left, make the bed, etc?
Her actions are not something I'd do. I'd have left it there or given them to you and I'd have made sure the host didn't have to do the clean up after meals. Or at least make it easier for them.
I've had people come to my house for a meal and take some leftovers because..."you can't eat all this so I'll take some home." I just let it go as it must be important for them to take as much as they can. LOL (these were my parents, who also kept the dishes mom put the leftovers in.)
I'd let it go, but it is a bit "odd". to me anyway.
But you asked her to pick up a few bottles, so it wasn’t intended as a hostess gift.
I agree with this poster's thoughts. And, did you actually check with your parent to see if perhaps they told your friend to take them home, or were you intending to take them home?
It didn't sound as though the juice was specifically requested by your parents. And, while the nice thing might have been that all three of you took a bottle home that didn't happen.
I'd let it go. You may not know if 2.50 is a lot to someone who has lil money....Your friend may have just seen it as a waste if she left it.
You'll only know if you ask her. And, of course it would be rude to call her out, so vent and let it go. If you can't then do not continue to invite this person along to your parents.
In the grand scheme of things this is not worth losing a friendship over.
I agree with everyone else who says it is rude and or tacky it is both in my opinion .
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I just let it go as it must be important for them to take as much as they can. LOL (these were my parents, who also kept the dishes mom put the leftovers in.
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