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I've posted my story here before. The basic gist is that I'm a 25 year old Native American girl who is trying to start a relationship with a white guy. My mom is very controlling and only wants me dating other Native Americans and ever since she found out about this white guy, she's started a whole bunch of rules and restrictions such as not allowing me near any non-Native men without her permission, and taking away my phone so as not to contact the white guy.
The advice I heard from everyone is that I need to just move out and finally live independently. The problem with that is that my mom doesn't want me leaving the house until I'm married and to move out before marriage would mean me being disowned from the family and risking me and her never speaking again. The same thing happened with her and my brother a few years ago and they still don't talk to this day.
My goal right now is to get out of this house, however I've had my grandmother (my mother's mom) tell me that it's "foolish" to move out and risk my relationship with my mom just to date one guy. My grandmother isn't around often and she herself doesn't believe the stories about how controlling my mom is. Long story short, she doesn't approve of me moving out.
Do you think it's a good idea for me to go through with this? I obviously love my family, but I finally want the ability to do what I want without my mom looming over me 24/7. And moving out isn't JUST so I can date this guy. I just want some freedom in general, though I know my mom is going to put up a fight and try to prevent me from moving out. What do you think?
I read this and your other posts just now. If I were you, I would move out immediately. You need your independence from your mother assuming you are the age you say you are. The dynamics of your relationship with your mother sound co-dependent and unhealthy.
My goal right now is to get out of this house, however I've had my grandmother (my mother's mom) tell me that it's "foolish" to move out and risk my relationship with my mom just to date one guy.
You're not moving out just to date one guy. You're moving out to gain control over your life as an adult.
IF you have the financial means to support yourself, you should move out.
Can you afford to get your own place? It's not just about this "one guy". Even if things don't work out with him you should have your freedom to be with whom you want. Your Mom shouldn't be controlling you like this, restricting you, and taking your phone. That is ridiculous, and your grandmother is just your Mom's accomplice. Get out now. If your Mom truly disowns you over this she doesn't really love you.
You're not moving out just to date one guy. You're moving out to gain control over your life as an adult.
IF you have the financial means to support yourself, you should move out.
This, OP.
It's not about this guy. It's about being able to make your own decisions. About living your life for you, not your mother.
I encourage you to connect with your brother. Since he's done it, he can provide emotional and mental support, and help you navigate the world outside of your mother's control.
It's not about this guy. It's about being able to make your own decisions. About living your life for you, not your mother.
I encourage you to connect with your brother. Since he's done it, he can provide emotional and mental support, and help you navigate the world outside of your mother's control.
^^^ This is a good idea. Your brother can be a source of support for you as you're going through this transition. Your mom is always going to be your mom, but in this case she's manipulating you and holding you back. You're an adult and you have the right to spread your wings without being shot down with guilt.
Your mother has an unhealthy need to control your life.
Move out and stop this immediately or you'll never have control of your own life.
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