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The only reason why I went into so much trouble and embarrassment is because I need to stay true to my word for the sake of my kids becoming decent people who value promises. I didn't promise my youngest daughter anything, and everything she put on her Christmas Wish List is something beyond doable according to my budget so I'll just get her everything she wrote down.
I would like to specify, yet again, that the only reason why my daughter is getting this phone is because I made a promise for 3 years straight. If she'd asked for this phone at random this year without any prior discussion, I wouldn't have even considered buying it for her. It's not like it's exactly easy for me having to beg my younger sister for money, I definitely don't do it often and am not planning on doing it unless it's a real emergency.
THIS is the problem. An emergency is getting the $$$ to pay a healthcare deductible for a sick child, not an iphone X.
This is a sad story. Unlocked iPhone 7’s go for $375 in great condition on eBay, and iPhone 6 is $200 or less. A family that can’t easily afford a $1k phone shouldn’t be working so hard to get one for their kid when there are ten thousand phones on eBay for a fraction of the price that work just as well. Especially given that iPhones have looked the same for 5 generations now (X, 8, 7, 6s, 6)
I can easily afford an iPhone X but don’t see the need or value, so I recently picked up a used iPhone 7 to replace my 4 year old iPhone (that I will sell for around $200).
I think the person above had a step-parent as a teen. She's still a little bitter over the paper that her step-mom wouldn't let her waste. Sounds petty of the step-mom to argue over paper, but then, you never know if it came out of another issue. I'm sure my step-daughter will forever remember that I stopped buying snacks because they would constantly take the whole bag and eat it in their room then leave it on the floor. To her, that's normal behavior because her mom does it. So I'm the jerk in the situation. Step-parenting is an entirely different dynamic. Daddy now buys them stuff and enjoys arguing about food in bedrooms. If I were the bio-mom and the only mom, I'd lay down the law. But I'm not.
So I can see jencam's perspective, sort of. I would just say, a mom ain't a step-mom and the way you can dismiss your kids' step-parent is not going to work with a life partner who is also the kids' life mom!
OP needs to stop trying to please a teenager and make her smile and accept that he's not going to come close to making everyone happy in this situation. He needs to accept that a teenager is irrationally angry with him, a second child is irrationally taking the blame on herself, and his wife is justifiably angry at him for not accepting his role as a parent and taking the teen's ire.
They're all already mad at him. Time to get the tantrum over with and move on.
I am not still mad about the paper. At the time it was a big deal because I didn't want there to be a fight over it. The point was unhealthy dynamics. I truncated sharing some examples in both directions. I most certainly didn't get what I wanted all the time. The point was there were times my Dad was caught between me and SM, who is his life partner, the way OP feels caught between wife and daughter.
Is there an affordable way to get my daughter an iPhone for Christmas?
NO
LOL
Succinct. Love it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam
I am not still mad about the paper. At the time it was a big deal because I didn't want there to be a fight over it. The point was unhealthy dynamics. I truncated sharing some examples in both directions. I most certainly didn't get what I wanted all the time. The point was there were times my Dad was caught between me and SM, who is his life partner, the way OP feels caught between wife and daughter.
Apples and oranges.
The OP wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place if he has used common sense.
And his wife is HER mother. Not the same at all.
I'll get my youngest daughter whatever she asked for and then a lot of candy in her stocking, as well as Dani's.
I won't really be the one paying for Dani's phone as my sister is going to contribute most of the money so thanks to her everything is still within my planned budget.
Things with my wife are rocky, to put it simply as she really isn't on board with getting Dani the phone at all but I'll have to figure out a way to deal with that.
I'm glad you found a solution! IDK if it's the same for iphones, but on my Samsung, I paid about $20 for protective gear for the screen and against dropping it.
I'll get my youngest daughter whatever she asked for and then a lot of candy in her stocking, as well as Dani's.
I won't really be the one paying for Dani's phone as my sister is going to contribute most of the money so thanks to her everything is still within my planned budget.
Things with my wife are rocky, to put it simply as she really isn't on board with getting Dani the phone at all but I'll have to figure out a way to deal with that.
Why are you intent on equalizing the candy distribution between your daughters, when the price tags for the other gifts are so dramatically out of balance? Shouldn't your younger daughter get something special just for her? I think you ought to give your older daughter exactly one piece of candy, and then stuff your younger daughter's stocking full of it. It still won't be anywhere even close to equal, but at least it'll make your younger daughter feel a little less than a total afterthought.
The iPhone isn't coming until January so the imbalance won't be so sadly drastic looking on Xmas.
Maybe now that some of the Xmas phone budget is freed up, they will end up getting the younger one some other stuff.
I'd like to think that since you've had a lot of replies, someone would have mentioned that you shouldn't worry about your teen daughter being "crushed" because you can't afford to squander hundreds of dollars on electronics (especially considering that it will very soon be obsolete, anyway).
You sound like a very well-meaning parent, but, no, it's not your responsibility as a father to teach your daughter that squandering money on short-lived items is a good idea, nor to teach her to succumb to peer pressure, nor that showing off over-priced acquisitions is admirable.
Dad promises daughter #1 something he can't afford based on his desire to make her happy. Dad still cannot afford it but is trying to find a way. Sister bails him out. The plan to gift her and shortchange the younger one remains unchanged and the younger child will learn the same lesson the older one learns, which is - if you whine enough you get your way.
In the end, the price you're going to pay for giving this phone to your eldest daughter is going to be far more than you bargained for. Good luck with that.
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