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Old 02-04-2018, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,540 posts, read 34,891,275 times
Reputation: 73808

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Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181 View Post
I'm trying to plan the bachelor party and write a best man's speech. I was left out of the gifts they got for my brother and the Colts game and I wouldn' be surprised if they leave me out of other events where they to sporting events or other places.
You are "trying" to plan a bachelor party, or you "are" planning a bachelor party?
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:08 PM
 
45 posts, read 34,958 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Well, that leaves a lot of room for you to do something simple and local for all the men who might expect to participate, and they can have their expensive out of town wild time and feelings won't be hurt.
It would still hurt me that I can't be at their expensive out of town party especially since I'm the best man.
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:10 PM
 
45 posts, read 34,958 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
That's not how it works in certain professions. Police, Corrections, firefighters and military immediately come to mind. I can go to any American Legion or Veterans of Foreign Wars post and I'm with my brothers. Some I've known for decades, others I'll meet for the first time. But we're all brothers with a shared bond.
I don't like that my brother has a shared bond with them because it makes it seem like i'm not good enough for him.
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,749 posts, read 34,415,700 times
Reputation: 77109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
You are "trying" to plan a bachelor party, or you "are" planning a bachelor party?
And out of curiosity, what are you planning?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181 View Post
I don't like that my brother has a shared bond with them because it makes it seem like i'm not good enough for him.
Thing is, if you bow out of your Best Man duties, you'll prove that you're not good enough. You need to talk to your brother. Be calm, tell him your concerns. If you're that close, he'll listen.
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:13 PM
 
12,883 posts, read 14,001,616 times
Reputation: 18452
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181 View Post
I don't like that my brother has a shared bond with them because it makes it seem like i'm not good enough for him.
That's either your own insecurity or theirs if they genuinely do try to make you feel that way.
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,540 posts, read 34,891,275 times
Reputation: 73808
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181 View Post
I don't like that my brother has a shared bond with them because it makes it seem like i'm not good enough for him.
No it doesn't. You can have bonds with lots of people.
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:13 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,651,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181 View Post
The bride has two sisters and a much older half brother who lives in Australia most of the year. I know that some male relatives and other friends that my brother has from childhood and high school will be upset about not being invited to the bachelor party.
But did you say that to your brother? Are they invited to the wedding as well?

I would at the very least say to him what you said here and be specific and mention the people by name, if he still insists on just the wedding party, than you can't force it.

But at least verbalize this, and say do you want to hurt people's feelings that you have known longer than you have know these guys?
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:15 PM
Status: "I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out." (set 11 days ago)
 
35,637 posts, read 17,994,810 times
Reputation: 50679
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181 View Post
I don't like that my brother has a shared bond with them because it makes it seem like i'm not good enough for him.
If you were in a therapy session right now, your therapist would jump up and ring the bell.

Yes. That's exactly it. There it is. That's the core of all this.
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Virginia
10,101 posts, read 6,444,912 times
Reputation: 27665
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181 View Post
I don't like that my brother has a shared bond with them because it makes it seem like i'm not good enough for him.
Did your brother have the same shared bond with them before your accident? Because if he had it before, then it doesn't have anything to do with your not being "good enough for him." He asked YOU to be his best man, didn't he? He did NOT ask any of these other guys despite their shared bond. Obviously he still values your presence in his life.
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Old 02-04-2018, 04:22 PM
 
45 posts, read 34,958 times
Reputation: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove View Post
Did your brother have the same shared bond with them before your accident? Because if he had it before, then it doesn't have anything to do with your not being "good enough for him." He asked YOU to be his best man, didn't he? He did NOT ask any of these other guys despite their shared bond. Obviously he still values your presence in his life.
I know he still values me, but at times it feels like he values them more especially since he was ok with me being left out of the Colts game and the gifts they pitched in to get. He didn't stand up for me when I wasn't involved in those things.
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