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I'm just a little stunned how many people (both genders) have said, "If I find someone attractive, I'm going to have sex with them, not be friends with them." Wow. So, I'm turned on by intelligence. Looks do very little for me. If I tried to have sex with every human (I'm also bi) that I had a stimulating conversation with, that would be completely crazy behavior on my part. I have to imagine that people see others that they find visually stimulating all the time, ya tryin' to have sex with ALL of them really? Really tho? Regardless if they are otherwise a bad idea to have around, regardless if they are for instance taken, like no matter what?
And you cannot control yourself to even chill and be friendly to them, like it's hump or hostile, nothing in between, or what?
That is incredibly weird to me.
Most of the friends I have, that I find attractive, I tend to have the notion that "well I would have sex with them, except I won't because <reason.>" Like a person is too young, not compatible kinks, or isn't into me, or I'm taken or they're taken or they have small kids, or just...whatever. Doesn't mean I can't have a respectful, happy ongoing connection with them.
Some people just don't want to be your friend. It happens. There's nothing you can do and people who get all pissy and mad (not talking about you btw) about it aren't doing themselves any favors. Lots of men and women have enough friends, and want someone to date. If you can't give that to them or you're not interested, they're going to move along.
Some people just don't want to be your friend. It happens. There's nothing you can do and people who get all pissy and mad (not talking about you btw) about it aren't doing themselves any favors. Lots of men and women have enough friends, and want someone to date. If you can't give that to them or you're not interested, they're going to move along.
Yeah and if you're single and looking for a relationship but can't find anyone compatible and have this very cool easy to get along with and attractive person right in front of you why wouldn't you think about a relationship?
I don't know why some people like Spork find it hard to wrap their head around somebody becoming attracted to a friend they build an emotional bond with and who they also find attractive.
Yeah and if you're single and looking for a relationship but can't find anyone compatible and have this very cool easy to get along with and attractive person right in front of you why wouldn't you think about a relationship?
I don't know why some people like Spork find it hard to wrap their head around somebody becoming attracted to a friend they build an emotional bond with and who they also find attractive.
Allow me to play devil's advocate, and back up Sonic_Spork as an added bonus. Relationships are hard work and a 24/7 responsibility. Yeah, you can "get along" and stuff, but responsibility comes first and foremost. Not everyone wants that, social pressure nonewithstanding. Friendships, on the other hand, are about two equals being there for each other and sharing fun times. So what's wrong with seeking out friendship from the get-go? Especially considering that some hobbies, like classic dancing, practically require the presence of the opposite sex.
Allow me to play devil's advocate, and back up Sonic_Spork as an added bonus. Relationships are very hard work and a 24/7 responsibility. Yeah, you can "get along" and stuff, but responsibility comes first and foremost. Not everyone wants that, social pressure nonewithstanding. Friendships, on the other hand, are about two equals being there for each other and sharing fun times.
But relationships are always a risk..If that's why you're(not u specifically) avoiding then why try? Of course relationships are hard work and can fail it doesn't mean you don't take a chance with this person..
It's a person you already know you can get along with and have a lot in common with and care for..no it doesn't guarantee a relationship will work but neither does meeting a stranger..
And like I said male female friendships are a tricky thing when one person gets into a relationship you are not gonna be seeing them much anyway..
But relationships are always a risk..If that's why you're(not u specifically) avoiding then why try? Of course relationships are hard work and can fail it doesn't mean you don't take a chance with this person.
It's not about about the relationship failing---friendships can fail too. It's about the authority differential most relationships come with. And I like being free to do as I please.
Yeah and if you're single and looking for a relationship but can't find anyone compatible and have this very cool easy to get along with and attractive person right in front of you why wouldn't you think about a relationship?
I don't know why some people like Spork find it hard to wrap their head around somebody becoming attracted to a friend they build an emotional bond with and who they also find attractive.
if you had a woman friend that was single and knew you were single too, she would have asked you out already if she was interested...
being friends doesn't mean you have some kind of "foot in the door" for a relationship
if you think friends are dating potentials, she would be better off finding a new friend that actually liked her for something other than a potential sex partner
if you had a woman friend that was single and knew you were single too, she would have asked you out already if she was interested...
being friends doesn't mean you have some kind of "foot in the door" for a relationship
if you think friends are dating potentials, she would be better off finding a new friend that actually liked her for something other than a potential sex partner
We didn't meet the usual friend way she was an ex wife of a friend but anyway this isn't about me..
My point is why is it so crazy that two friends who spend a lot of time with each other that at least one would catch feelings at some point?
It's kinda normal if you find that person attractive physically and emotionally that at some point you'd want more.You can't help who you fall for..you act like it's such a devious thing to fall for a friend lol...I didn't plan on falling for my friend it just happened..
if you had a woman friend that was single and knew you were single too, she would have asked you out already if she was interested...
being friends doesn't mean you have some kind of "foot in the door" for a relationship
if you think friends are dating potentials, she would be better off finding a new friend that actually liked her for something other than a potential sex partner
Precisely! There is no, nor has ever been, a "new person-->friend-->girlfriend" progression. It sounds logical, but it doesn't work that way. When attraction is strong enough, romantic/sexual intimacy happens relatively quickly. Except, maybe, between two high-schoolers, when intimacy is generally "throttled" by the Powers That Be.
For a point of comparison, a female friend being will be as insulted by being seen as a potential sex partner, as a Red Pilled man will be insulted by being seen as a stable provider to settle down with.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 03-08-2018 at 11:07 AM..
Yes, I have known girls/women that have been good friends. But I see less and less as I get older. I think southern NJ is not a good area to meet quality people. When I move south I hope things change for the better. Around here "everyone" has an agenda..
That's why girls and guys can't be friends. Once a girl marries someone else, I would have to disappear or the girl's husband will get jealous and it will create marital problems between them. These type of friendships have expiration dates.
Only true if she marries an insecure man.
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