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one girl talked to me, but she just wanted to use me for carpooling to school, and to just talk about schoolwork.
i've wanted to just grab her and kiss her on the lips, but i figured she wasn't into me.
Sounds like it never occurred to you that this is the path to a school friendship - you talk about schoolwork. It sounds like you didn't have the slightest conception of her as a person - only a girl to be grabbed. No wonder you haven't had close female friends.
You say "Nope I was never attracted to my male friends", that kind of disqualifies you from the discussion. They didn't have something physically or internally about them to make you see them as more than a friend. Could you have been close if you found them truly attractive?
That wasn't the topic. No, I have not found any of my male friends attractive. I dated the men I was attracted to. I wasn't friends with them. See the difference?
And who are you to disqualify anyone from a discussion? You didn't even start the thread!
I was never someone who dated a lot. I tended to have long relationships even in high school. I married my husband at 21 and we've been married for over 20 years. I've had male friends during that time. He didn't care. He knew I wouldn't do anything. When we met, ALL of my friends were male and he knew many of them.
Hate to break it to you, but women don't think about sex every 5 seconds like men do. There's very few men I find really attractive. Would I risk a good friend over that? Nope. Good friends are hard to find. It's easy finding sex if you want it.
That wasn't the topic. No, I have not found any of my male friends attractive. I dated the men I was attracted to. I wasn't friends with them. See the difference?
And who are you to disqualify anyone from a discussion? You didn't even start the thread!
I was never someone who dated a lot. I tended to have long relationships even in high school. I married my husband at 21 and we've been married for over 20 years. I've had male friends during that time. He didn't care. He knew I wouldn't do anything. When we met, ALL of my friends were male and he knew many of them.
Hate to break it to you, but women don't think about sex every 5 seconds like men do. There's very few men I find really attractive. Would I risk a good friend over that? Nope. Good friends are hard to find. It's easy finding sex if you want it.
#1)You made a statement about not being attracted to those male friends. That's kind of the point I was making, the friendship only worked becuz you weren't attracted to them.
#2) If your husband didn't care, its probably b/c he didn't feel that they physically a a threat.....ORRRR...he pays most of the bills and knows you aren't going anywhere
And no kidding woman don't think about sex as much as men do. Yeah, finding sex is easy, but necessarily with someone you really want. I could sleep with 5's and 6's or cute women with mental issues all week, every week but nahhhh.
The key question is do you find these women irresistibly attractive and how do they see you? Easy to stay platonic with a plain Jane.
In all fairness, this topic takes a different turn for older folks because honestly after age 60, many family members and friends have died, health issues kick in, a career is just about over and your social circle dwindles, meaning life gets to a point where you will talk to anyone who will listen.
Meaning you can't honestly speak on this topic as a heterosexual male when you openly can say you are refusing relationships with woman. If sex and intimacy is nowhere on you mind, especially towards an attractive woman, that's not typically thinking of a testosterone filled man.
I think the OP probably understands friendship, but would probably want to do these things with a man.
How can you say "never wanted it to go any furthur, nor did he", but you started off by saying it already went furthur during senior year
You say "Nope I was never attracted to my male friends", that kind of disqualifies you from the discussion. They didn't have something physically or internally about them to make you see them as more than a friend. Could you have been close if you found them truly attractive?
This is not really true at all. I can start running off names if you need examples. Leslie Jones for starters.
There' a lot of nativity and denial on this page. Some of you guys are laughable acting you would love to be pals with a woman that looks like say Sophia Vergara, Beyonce or Kim Kardashian. You may not be into those 3, but you get the point
And some women in this thread seemed like they got the point, that after while, the guy wanted more. It's human nature. Unless like I said its a work friend or maybe someone you share space with in a regular basis like a friend at the church.
What is wrong with Leslie Jones, she is a fine looking woman!
Meaning you can't honestly speak on this topic as a heterosexual male when you openly can say you are refusing relationships with woman. If sex and intimacy is nowhere on you mind, especially towards an attractive woman, that's not typically thinking of a testosterone filled man.
My thinking may not be typical, but it's a sacrifice I choose to make. I'd rather lose the possibility of getting sex but stay a free man, rather than get regular sex but live my life on someone else's terms. We Americans talk about freedom until we're blue in the face and fight needless wars over it, yet we throw it away when we settle down, just to gain access to sex and fit in with society.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida
Sounds like it never occurred to you that this is the path to a school friendship - you talk about schoolwork. It sounds like you didn't have the slightest conception of her as a person - only a girl to be grabbed. No wonder you haven't had close female friends.
It works both ways, you know. Maybe he saw her as a girl to be grabbed. But maybe she saw him as a smart guy to use for his homework smarts, and as an unpaid Uber driver for getting to school. There's a BIG difference between a friendship where both parties truly enjoy each other's company, and a friendship where each party sees the other only as a means to an end. In your example, he sees her only as a future girlfriend, and she sees him only as an unpaid tutor and Uber driver.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 03-01-2018 at 11:19 PM..
That wasn't the topic. No, I have not found any of my male friends attractive. I dated the men I was attracted to. I wasn't friends with them. See the difference?
And who are you to disqualify anyone from a discussion? You didn't even start the thread!
I was never someone who dated a lot. I tended to have long relationships even in high school. I married my husband at 21 and we've been married for over 20 years. I've had male friends during that time. He didn't care. He knew I wouldn't do anything. When we met, ALL of my friends were male and he knew many of them.
Hate to break it to you, but women don't think about sex every 5 seconds like men do. There's very few men I find really attractive. Would I risk a good friend over that? Nope. Good friends are hard to find. It's easy finding sex if you want it.
Exactly; if I'd been physically attracted to my male friends, they'd have been my male boyfriends (I'd have dated and slept with them, especially when that's what they wanted). Which is why I could never understand the girlfriend/wife being jealous. Obviously, I had already rejected this man as a sexual partner, so you have nothing to fear from our friendship. D'oh.
Last edited by otterhere; 03-02-2018 at 06:42 AM..
Not funny. That's a significant other. We're talking about platonic friendships.
Not being funny. The person that you should want to spend all your time with should be your best friend. My parents told me that. I could always tell that they were not only husband and wife, mom and dad, but best friends. I found that in my wife. We are also best friends. Luckily she was looking for a best friend when I met her.
As a gay man, I used to find all women endlessly fascinating and fun to be around. As I have gotten older, not so much. I dont want to broad stroke this but in my life the women in my building are needy and emotionally draining. The one older gal whom I adore is losing her mind (alheimers) Heartbreaking. All they want me for is a sounding post and this one older gal tried to grope me! REally? Another gal wrote me a note saying to stop by her room but she didnt want sex unless I initiated it. What??????? I told you I am gay not bi!!! So yeah, I'm pretty much done with women in this building and any other women outside the building like the plague. The only female I will deal with is my Ripley and she runs the show 24-7. I cant resist love kisses and a wet nose.
Not being funny. The person that you should want to spend all your time with should be your best friend. My parents told me that. I could always tell that they were not only husband and wife, mom and dad, but best friends. I found that in my wife. We are also best friends. Luckily she was looking for a best friend when I met her.
I don't recognize the notion of a spouse also being a best friend. To me, they're two distinct, mutually exclusive roles. A friend, best or otherwise, is an equal. A wife is an authority figure in charge of the home. So some things that are permissible with a friend are unacceptable with an authority figure. And some things that won't cause a reaction in a friend will anger an authority figure. So, when I read accounts of people saying their spouse is their best friend, I react the same as when I read about people claiming their supervisor or subordinate is their best friend. It's not impossible, but eh... .
So hypothetically speaking, if I were to get married, I would "love, honor, and cherish" my wife; it's in the vows. (Interestingly, older version of the vows says "love, honor, and obey".) Because if I'm not a man of my word, what kind of man am I? But I wouldn't consider her "my friend"; it crosses boundaries that exist for a reason. Especially considering that nowhere in the vows does the word "friend" even come up .
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