Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why are people posting about how the OP should find a relationship? The post has NOTHING to do with the OP finding a relationship. It's about "ways to stay single and be happy". READ THE TITLE.
And if you are already in a relationship, please don't post on here. You don't have a clue. Take your opinions to the "Relationships" forum. Only singles should be posting on here.
But it s not clear at all, whether the OP WANTS to be/stay single. He sounds like he'd like to have someone in his life, but has resigned himself to it never happening, so he's asking how to fill his life with other things, to distract himself from his (undesired) singlehood. He sounds unhappy (otherwise, why would he be asking how to be happy?), so some posters, hearing his frustration regarding not being able to attract a mate, are suggesting how to bring happiness into life by finding a mate.
That's not what he asked for, true, but that seems to be what he wants, deep down.
My advice is to limit your time with couples and with people whose major focus in life is finding a mate or getting laid. I find that spending too much time around couples always makes me feel less satisfied as a single. When I'm around a single person who's living a great life and doing meaningful and exciting things in their life, I just feel more excited myself about the positive aspects of being single.
You might be right. Couples tend to rave about how great it is to be married and wouldn't have it any other way. When you're blessed with something, you often wonder "how you could ever live without it."
However, the fact that you're trying to "find" ways to make yourself happy as a single person, tells me this is not your TRUE desire. It's something that comes naturally. It's matter of finding things to fulfill you.
The OP should be open to finding and enjoying a mentally healthy, mutually beneficial romantic relationship, not closing himself off to the possibility of greatest happiness. Being single is a reality for some people, often due to their own personality defects. The solution is not to recommend being "militantly" single. The solution is to fix the personality problem that has one living in fear. Fear of relationships is a mental health issue, not a lifestyle decision.
LMFAO according to who?
I'm sure you're one of those types who believes every "single" person is secretly miserable because they're not in a relationship. We need to stop this nonsense. This is how people get into stupid situations and how dysfunctional relationships are formed. After studying psychology and people for a few years, I can say this is NOT true for everyone. It's good you found YOUR happiness, in your relationship, but please don't try to push your beliefs and experiences on other people. It's not the way to have a conversation or a discussion.
I agree, you can be single and not lonely. You can be single and "relatively" happy. You can be single and content. You can be single and get by just fine. However, you cannot achieve the highest state of happiness and fulfillment and peace by being single. It's just not possible. The highs and the peace and the mental health and the happiness are maxed out when you have romantic love. There's no way around it, there's no arguing with it, there's no debating it. Based on our nature and identity, it is the best way to exist on our journey through life. Life without romantic love is life without a primary need being met. It can be endured, but it's simply not the optimal way to go. I recognize that there is bitterness in some people at not having romantic love in their life. And I think that's fully justified. I think the OP should get counselling and figure out a way to be open to loving and being loved. You are born alone, you will die alone, but you do not have to choose to live alone. It's a bad choice. An irrational choice.
Are you searching for your cult? They turned left at the last intersection.
I'm sure you're one of those types who believes every "single" person is secretly miserable because they're not in a relationship. We need to stop this nonsense. This is how people get into stupid situations and how dysfunctional relationships are formed. After studying psychology and people for a few years, I can say this is NOT true for everyone. It's good you found YOUR happiness, in your relationship, but please don't try to push your beliefs and experiences on other people. It's not the way to have a conversation or a discussion.
Incorrect. I do not believe any single or married people are necessarily happy or miserable. It is possible to be moderately happy and either. One can exist in either state and be moderately happy or miserable. Nonetheless, while you can be happy and single, you are not at your best in this state. The fundamental primaries of happiness in life are productivity and romantic involvement. If you don't have both, you are not at your happiest possible state. You MUST be productive, and YOU must have a romantic partner to be at the top of your happiness game.
Being unproductive prevents real happiness. Being single does the same. Yes you can survive either one. There are plenty of useless people in the world who are also wandering the planet alone and in various delusional states who eat, sleep, putz around, and die without incident. But in this case we are talking about the ideal. The best, most optimized state. That state requires 1) that you are productive and 2) seeing your metaphysical reflection in the eyes and spirit of another human being - a romantic partner. A certain degree of mental health is required for both of these. You can't be productive without being a basically functional and confident person. And you can't truly enjoy the love and respect of another without being of sufficient character to earn that love.
So while the OP has observed several problems with his personality that are preventing him from achieving true happiness, it sounds like he would like to change those things. I think he should. Settling for being single is a terrible concession and a terrible prison in which to incarcerate yourself on purpose. Especially if you are young with decades ahead of you. If you are someone who is older and has been divorced twice and doesn't know how to earn love and demand what is required for love from another, than yes, by all means, stay single. Someone like that is not qualified for ultimate happiness, and should accept a lesser state just for the stability and inner calm of not blowing it for a third or fourth time. But the OP is a young guy who is going to have a productive career. That's 1/2 of the happiness equation already guaranteed. He should work for attaining the other: romantic love. It's too good NOT to try achieving it.
Are you searching for your cult? They turned left at the last intersection.
Added: if you are happy, I am happy for you.
No cults. Just philosophy. This is a philosophical discussion. The goal is to give the OP his best chance at his best life. He shouldn't compromise or give up at this age. He should go for the brass ring. Which consists of productive accomplishment and romantic happiness.
I don't agree with the last few posts at all. Are you single? If not, why are you posting on here? Your posts do not contribute anything remotely helpful to the OP.
The post is not about anyone's perceived negatives about the single life nor about whether the OP really wants a relationship or not. The post is about how to be happy as a single person. Why can't you stick to the topic?
OP, this is exactly the kind of relentless negative crap from couples that reinforces what I said earlier. If you want to be happy as a single person, spend as little time as possible with people who are married or in relationships. You don't need their negativity. They constantly try to belittle and bring down singles. Belittling and degrading single people is really the last frontier of discrimination in our country. The LGBT community and minorities are now getting more respect in our society but singles still don't get any respect. The laughable thing is that a great majority of women in relationships are on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, take drugs or drink excessive amounts of alcohol. Why? Because they can't meet the unbelievable expectations of their significant others who demand them to be perfect in every way or they move on to someone who is 15-20 years younger. Women put out in order to have economic security. I will have no parts of that.
I don't agree with the last few posts at all. Are you single? If not, why are you posting on here? Your posts do not contribute anything remotely helpful to the OP.
The post is not about anyone's perceived negatives about the single life nor about whether the OP really wants a relationship or not. The post is about how to be happy as a single person. Why can't you stick to the topic?
OP, this is exactly the kind of relentless negative crap from couples that reinforces what I said earlier. If you want to be happy as a single person, spend as little time as possible with people who are married or in relationships. You don't need their negativity. They constantly try to belittle and bring down singles. Belittling and degrading single people is really the last frontier of discrimination in our country. The LGBT community and minorities are now getting more respect in our society but singles still don't get any respect. The laughable thing is that a great majority of women in relationships are on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, take drugs or drink excessive amounts of alcohol. Why? Because they can't meet the unbelievable expectations of their significant others who demand them to be perfect in every way or they move on to someone who is 15-20 years younger. Women put out in order to have economic security. I will have no parts of that.
Incorrect. I do not believe any single or married people are necessarily happy or miserable. It is possible to be moderately happy and either. One can exist in either state and be moderately happy or miserable. Nonetheless, while you can be happy and single, you are not at your best in this state. The fundamental primaries of happiness in life are productivity and romantic involvement. If you don't have both, you are not at your happiest possible state. You MUST be productive, and YOU must have a romantic partner to be at the top of your happiness game.
Being unproductive prevents real happiness. Being single does the same. Yes you can survive either one. There are plenty of useless people in the world who are also wandering the planet alone and in various delusional states who eat, sleep, putz around, and die without incident. But in this case we are talking about the ideal. The best, most optimized state. That state requires 1) that you are productive and 2) seeing your metaphysical reflection in the eyes and spirit of another human being - a romantic partner. A certain degree of mental health is required for both of these. You can't be productive without being a basically functional and confident person. And you can't truly enjoy the love and respect of another without being of sufficient character to earn that love.
Well, this 60+ YO person who has lived a single, fulfilling, productive, peacefully contemplative life with long term cherished relationships with both men and women for just about all that time views this as utter sanctimonious balderdash. What a self-righteous prig you are to suggest that a single person can only exist in a "delusional" useless wandering state during their life? Being of sufficient character to earn love? What planet are you from anyway? Someplace only angels tread? I am not so arrogant as to assume I have a flawless personality; who does? Faced death a couple of times and worked quite hard to regain confidence and self-trust afterwards so I have studied the depths believe me. I am not torturing myself with some search for the optimum or the ideal as you so blithely describe it. I would suggest that your ideal is yours alone. Unless you are all-knowing, all-seeing, encompassing all dimensions or seeing all time instantaneously (basically some sort of aleph) you don't even know what ideal is. If by productive you mean producing offspring, believe it or not some people do not have that choice through no fault of their own. Or, they make a conscious decision to spare the gene pool some mutation or defect and are quite happy to have that power. OP, you can do what you want with your life. Go forth with my apparently bargain-basement value blessing.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-22-2018 at 01:09 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
