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There's an old saying, "We are the masters of our own despair."
Doncha think you maybe got three different types of advice because, all these pages in, you are still blatantly refusing to answer anyone's questions about specifics? Nobody really knows what the heck you are talking about or what you're trying to say because you're not answering the questions and providing the information.
Of course, that's completely by your own design, and of course the advice is therefore going to be all over the place because people have to guess what you are talking about. And you get the results you set out to get and can say things like the bolded, thus proving--to YOURSELF--that the world is exactly as you have chosen to believe it is: You are different from everyone else.
It's much more comfortable to stay in the place you know, even if it's causing you distress, because change is scary and might be painful.
You just need to understand how transparent this is to so many of us.
I agree with you MQ. But I don't want to get more specific either.
I have decided that most people really just care more about their own little worlds probably, rather than others. I can remember people reacting openly the way I would like to, and thinking, what is their problem? No one else cares how they feel, and no one is going to judge them the way that they feel they are being judged. Relax
If you make friends while doing so that's fine but I myself don't seek them out.
I get along with my coworkers but we aren't friends outside of work.
I normally don't try to seek friends at work, but occasionally it does happen. Very magically if they share an interest in music like mine.
But it also seems like wasted loss because at times, because I've also met other people who seem like they want to be friends. But they only act that way in private. Around others, they don't want seem to want to offend someone who is in the mean/aggressive group. It's like they don't want to upset the pack leaders. And to me, that kind of behavior is just like a milder form of the abusive behavior that I got from my old friend.
Why would I even want to be friends with someone who is always going to treat me less respectfully around other people, even if they seem nice when we are alone?
Think of it like a married couple where one spouse always makes jokes or insults the other whenever they go to a party. Is it wrong for me to want to avoid that kind of thing happening? Even if they are fine 90% of the time since they don't go to a lot of parties. For me, just knowing they will potentially always act that way makes me want to avoid them in spite of the 90% good times we could have. Some people here are telling me that I need to put up more walls against these kinds of nice people.
Last edited by OzzyRules; 06-23-2018 at 10:16 AM..
Well, I've already said that I would prefer to change myself. I figure that's the only way I can get any kind of working relationship going with certain people.
I'm abnormal and broken, I admit it. I just want to fit in. I probably didn't have enough structure growing up.
All you need to do to have a good working relationship is to be polite, professional, and do your job well. It’s no more complicated than that. I work full time remote. I work every day with people I’ve never met in person and yet I have an excellent working relationship with all of them. It’s not hard.
Toss the Myers-Briggs handbook. Just toss it. I know personality typing can have some useful benefits if you're looking for real understanding of how others tick, but you're separating people into tribes. Forget classifying people -it's not helping but instead getting in your way....
This exactly! How boring life must be if you place each person, including yourself, into a specific box. Just think of every person as a unique individual with a unique personality. We're all people, all a little different, but we can enjoy the differences just as much as the similarities -- in fact, probably more.
But it's funny watching extroverts become seemingly almost inseparable friends with several co-workers and then once that person is gone, especially if it's a termination ... 'poof', like they never existed.
You can have an enjoyable, entertaining relationship with a coworker without making a lifetime commitment to them, you know?
Maybe your expectations of casual friendships are too high?
As it has always been. This is the oldest lament in human history.
I don't lament it when the counter culture becomes the new normal. It just means that society is becoming more and more progressive throughout history.
I've gotten three basic types of advice:
1. Change
2. Hold firm or even become more extreme
3. Ignore it
So, I guess now all I need to do is count all the varying types of responses and go with the winner? How easy. This has been such a helpful thread. Gee, I'm in such awe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzyRules
Why would I even want to be friends with someone who is always going to treat me less respectfully around other people, even if they seem nice when we are alone?
I think that if you are now asking this question to yourself, the posters here did their job. Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers.
I'm an ESTJ a type that the OP doesn't like. I do come across as traditional but am actually quite a unique individual and not boring. The way I see things "normal" is unique today...we are going against the flow of society but you are too judgemental of us to notice. Being a conforming non-conformist has become the norm.
I'm an ESTJ a type that the OP doesn't like. I do come across as traditional but am actually quite a unique individual and not boring. The way I see things "normal" is unique today...we are going against the flow of society but you are too judgemental of us to notice. Being a conforming non-conformist has become the norm.
I know that I would have a good working relationship with ESTJs. But it's the non-work junk goes along with it. That was the type that my old friend was. He could be nice when he wanted to. We did cool musical projects together. We went on double dates. But it seemed like he had complete control over how he was going to treat me on any given day. I never tried to do any junk like that. But if I got angry I would confront later him in private. That seemed to take him by surprise.
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Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers.
