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As a woman, its relatively easy to make female friends because there are no issues about attraction or secret agendas. Its like"Hey, wanna get dinner?" and the response is usually "Yup, sounds good!"
On the other hand, I find that it is very hard to make friends with guys. I have married guy friends where I hang out with them and their wives (we either met at work, or I knew female friend first then became friends with hubby). I enjoy conversing on a variety of topics and I like having diversity in those I spend time with and converse with. I find that even if I tell a single guy, "Hey, there's no pressure. I'm just looking for friendship", that doesn't help either. Most guys I meet (1) want to be romantic immediately (as in day 1), (2) get offended if I'm not interested in being romantic with them and just want to be friends, or (3) think I am trying to trick them into something more by being friends first (I was literally told this!). Like, dude, its not that serious! Food and drink is essential to life, why not share that with others. I just get the vibe that if romance is not an option, they really don't want to be bothered lol. Yikes! It was much easier making friends in college but since I've moved away most of those friends are not local.
Any suggestions on making male friends? Should I just stick with hanging with ladies and give up on making male friends?
Given the feedback after your previous attempts, yes.
LOL, good point.
Well before I posted this, I made plans tonight to meet up for drinks with a guy I met a couple times out. He seems to be more chill than others in the past so I'm hopeful that we can be friends.
Well before I posted this, I made plans tonight to meet up for drinks with a guy I met a couple times out. He seems to be more chill than others in the past so I'm hopeful that we can be friends.
This has been debated ad nauseum in the Relationships subforum, and while yes of course there are men and women who can be friends, like it or not the general consensus is that one or the other of the two will end up with some romantic feelings.
And the majority of observers will "see" you as a couple - or a potential couple. It's just how we are conditioned.
Why would a man want to be "just friends" with you?
Nothing against you personally, but men can be so much more relaxed with other men as opposed to women. There is less pressure, less worry about judgment, men are just more easygoing, and we "get" each other.
Pus, can he talk about hot women with you? Can he discuss "guy" stuff with you (sports, cars, guns, video games)? On the flip side, would he have to listen to conversations about female stuff that most of us have no interest in?
So why would a man want to rearrange his social life to incorporate a friendship with someone that is likely going to be less rewarding and more of a hassle than a friendship with other guys?
I think an equally pertinent question is, why are you specifically trying to seek out friendships with males rather than just letting friendships happen organically? Is it possible you are looking for a certain kind of attention (that you wouldn't have to reciprocate because you are "just friends")?
As a woman, its relatively easy to make female friends because there are no issues about attraction or secret agendas. Its like"Hey, wanna get dinner?" and the response is usually "Yup, sounds good!"
On the other hand, I find that it is very hard to make friends with guys. I have married guy friends where I hang out with them and their wives (we either met at work, or I knew female friend first then became friends with hubby). I enjoy conversing on a variety of topics and I like having diversity in those I spend time with and converse with. I find that even if I tell a single guy, "Hey, there's no pressure. I'm just looking for friendship", that doesn't help either. Most guys I meet (1) want to be romantic immediately (as in day 1), (2) get offended if I'm not interested in being romantic with them and just want to be friends, or (3) think I am trying to trick them into something more by being friends first (I was literally told this!). Like, dude, its not that serious! Food and drink is essential to life, why not share that with others. I just get the vibe that if romance is not an option, they really don't want to be bothered lol. Yikes! It was much easier making friends in college but since I've moved away most of those friends are not local.
Any suggestions on making male friends? Should I just stick with hanging with ladies and give up on making male friends?
How old are you?
I've had lots of female friends over the years. I NEVER had a woman of any stripe say, "Hey, there's no pressure. I'm just looking for friendship". I would find that quite peculiar.
I've moved around alot over the years so I have made friends (or acquaintances) then lost them due to moving. Pardon me for enjoying both male and female company.
I met up with a guy yesterday for happy hour and I had a nice time getting to know him. We both ordered drinks, I ordered an appetizer, and we each paid for our own orders. No pressure, just enjoying getting to know a new person. We've seen each other out and about and now we can feel more comfortable just shooting the breeze, instead of everything being so pre-determined (i.e. this will lead to sex, that will lead to a relationship, etc.). All of this was much easier when I was in college. **shrug**
In my adult life I have had four types of platonic friendships with the opposite sex:
1. Neither of us was particularly physically attracted to the other.
2. One or both of us were in committed relationships of one sort or another (i.e. no physical or romantic chemistry existed).
3. There was a large age difference (more than 10-15 years).
4. I was rejected for romantic consideration, but I liked her enough as a person to continue the relationship as a platonic friendship.
Caveats:
In situation 1., he may still want, at least at some point in the friendship, to have some intimacy which is more down to hormones and/or the drive to sow his wild oats than interest in a long term intimate relationship. If after being turned down, he disappears, then there wasn't much to the friendship anyway.
In situation 2., care must be taken to not make anyone jealous. This in itself can break a friendship even if both parties have no intention of getting intimate.
In situation 3., ... sexual attraction may exist, but depending on the maturity and/or openness of either party, who knows what could happen. This could turn into an awkward version of situation 4.
In situation 4., "Forever Alone" awwww. :-)
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