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I see so many saying not to tell mom. But what if later mom finds out and finds out that you knew the whole time. Would she not feel betrayed by both her husband and son?
This is an interesting point. I do think the mother would feel betrayed by the son.
But keep in mind that the father would feel betrayed by the son if the son tells the mother.
It's a difficult situation for the son to be in. I suppose the son could justify telling the mother as it being the right thing to do. He would likely lose trust from both parents though.
This is an interesting point. I do think the mother would feel betrayed by the son.
But keep in mind that the father would feel betrayed by the son if the son tells the mother.
It's a difficult situation for the son to be in. I suppose the son could justify telling the mother as it being the right thing to do. He would likely lose trust from both parents though.
(Nobody likes, trusts, or respects a snitch.)
Nobody likes a cheating husband or father either...
If son feels he has to do something about it, he has a choice to make about which parent is more important to his own best interests and which one he can safely alienate from himself the most. No matter what son does or who he speaks to he will not come out smelling like a rose
He can suck up to mom and tell her about dad's suspected activities, thereby showing loyalty and preference for mother, but mother will still be humiliated, suspicious and angry at son because of loss of face due to the circumstances. Or he can speak to dad and hold the threat of exposure to mom and the family over dad's head. Speaking to dad will alienate him, causing anger, suspicion, loss of face and sense of betrayal, and it won't guarantee that father will stop his activity.
Another possibility that nobody has mentioned is that son could use an anonymous third party blackmail method to threaten father with exposure if he doesn't stop his activity. That might work in son's favour because son remains anonymous and won't alienate himself with any family member. Meanwhile the father thinks it's some outside acquaintance or confidante or even a tinder contact who knows about his activities but father won't know how many covert activities the mystery person is actually aware of. An anonymous threat will have much more impact and cause more fear than a threat coming directly from someone identified to him.
If this is a legit poster be prepared to receive no inheritance. Men usually get divorced and hook up with someone else and neglect their previous family when it comes to inheritance. New girl will get everything and when your dad dies her family will get to spend it all.
ASK your dad about what you think you saw. It's simple.
When you think there's a problem, go directly to the source of the problem and get more information. Don't go running around to other related parties and drum up drama before you know what exactly is happening.
Dad is chatting another woman. I saw him one afternoon inside his room talking to a foreign woman in tinder. He’s not just cheating on my mom but to the whole family as well. What should I do? He already has grandkids and it’s very shameful to know someone cheating at his age. What should I do? My mom has been very loyal and faithful to their marriage. Should I tell my siblings about this? Need help!
While I think it is a shame, my opinion is that you do not get involved. I actually do not see how he is cheating on the whole family unless your family also has dibs on how you live your life as well. He is an adult just as I presume you are. He is free to make his decisions whether they are hurtful to others or not (as long as they aren't criminal which it appears not to be).
While I have been enormously fortunate not to have experienced this, I try to put myself in the situation and think what I would do should I come across something similar with my father, to whom my mother (as far as I am aware) has been very self-sacrificing and loyal throughout their marriage. I would do the same thing, not get involved. It would make me lose some respect for my father, who I greatly respect now, but that is as far as I would go unless things were brought into the light by another party.
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Originally Posted by picardlx
I see so many saying not to tell mom. But what if later mom finds out and finds out that you knew the whole time. Would she not feel betrayed by both her husband and son? I don't have children but would like to believe that I wouldn't hold any bad feelings towards my kid for withholding a secret to protect their mom, but I can't honestly say without having been in that situation. (It's just a thought OP)
It wasn't a secret. It's not like the father confided to the son about this. The son witnessed something he presumed was cheating. It's actually none of his business. Though not very likely, it could not have been cheating. So, no I do not think she should feel betrayed by her son since her son could very honestly say he didn't know anything about it--because he doesn't really. All he has are guesses (might be good guesses) on something he probably shouldn't have discovered in the first place (though many times we are unwilling witnesses to things such as this).
I see so many saying not to tell mom. But what if later mom finds out and finds out that you knew the whole time. Would she not feel betrayed by both her husband and son? I don't have children but would like to believe that I wouldn't hold any bad feelings towards my kid for withholding a secret to protect their mom, but I can't honestly say without having been in that situation. (It's just a thought OP)
Absolutely it is always better to know the truth and make your decision from that perspective, the idea of protecting someone by not telling them something hurtful can backfire and that person feels very betrayed.
One post wonder. But probably not from the US since "chatting a woman" isn't common speak 'round these parts.
Thought the verbage was : to chat up a woman . No where could I find 'chatting a woman' . Perhaps the poster is of a different tongue and used a translation service to transcribe. None the less it was a one hit wonder. It did open up a discussion so all was not lost.
He probably meant to say 'chatting with a woman' and left out the with. That was what I took him to mean when I first read the post.
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