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but it's my brother and I feel like I should entertain him and/or keep him company by text if that's what he wants.
Okay...phew... I feel better now already. Thanks for listening.
Well this is YOUR problem. You teach people how to treat you and you are teaching your brother your job is to entertain him every time you cater to what he wants,or what you presume he wants. Just ignore the texts that irritate you.
Yeah I know there's a chat thread. Maybe I should have posted this in the Psychology forum. In addition to venting, I was hoping someone might have some insight into why people do this over text. I think I just don't like having long conversations over text (seriously, from 7am until 9pm) about nothing but small talk every single day. I know I sound like an ungrateful brat or something, but I'm trying to understand how this is fulfilling or enriching to him? Maybe if I understood what he was getting out of it I wouldn't be bothered.
It's a "reward/reinforcement" addiction and what he gets out of it is a short lasting "high" from a dopamine spike each time he receives a text back from you or anyone else. It's not the content and subject matter being discussed in the texts that causes the dopamine spike and resulting high (entertainment/excitation), it's the actually getting the text back that triggers the dopamine spike. You could text him a series of meaningless dots, dashes, commas, numbers and smileys without typing any real words and he will still get the dopamine spike simply because he received the text back.
The only reason he's doing this with you, texting nothing but small talk all day long, is not because of sibling love for you, it is because you are the one who is being his greatest enabler indulging and reinforcing his addiction. And since you are reinforcing his addiction and using the "he's my brother and I love him" line as an excuse for your reinforcement it's an indication that you are also addicted and getting a similar dopamine spike each time you text each other. Otherwise if you weren't getting a high from it yourself you would put a stop to it and get on with your normal life.
You aren't alone. There are multiple millions of people who are now in the grip of texting addiction. If you want it to stop and get back to a normal life you and your brother both need to put down your devices and go through the withdrawals with determination. The deeper you are into your addiction the more difficult it may be to go through withdrawal from your device. Consultation with a psychologist or other trained counselor may be necessary.
It's a "reward/reinforcement" addiction and what he gets out of it is a short lasting "high" from a dopamine spike each time he receives a text back from you or anyone else. It's not the content and subject matter being discussed in the texts that causes the dopamine spike and resulting high (entertainment/excitation), it's the actually getting the text back that triggers the dopamine spike. You could text him a series of meaningless dots, dashes, commas, numbers and smileys without typing any real words and he will still get the dopamine spike simply because he received the text back.
The only reason he's doing this with you, texting nothing but small talk all day long, is not because of sibling love for you, it is because you are the one who is being his greatest enabler indulging and reinforcing his addiction. And since you are reinforcing his addiction and using the "he's my brother and I love him" line as an excuse for your reinforcement it's an indication that you are also addicted and getting a similar dopamine spike each time you text each other. Otherwise if you weren't getting a high from it yourself you would put a stop to it and get on with your normal life.
You aren't alone. There are multiple millions of people who are now in the grip of texting addiction. If you want it to stop and get back to a normal life you and your brother both need to put down your devices and go through the withdrawals with determination. The deeper you are into your addiction the more difficult it may be to go through withdrawal from your device. Consultation with a psychologist or other trained counselor may be necessary.
Or maybe he just likes to keep in touch with his sister?
Occam's Razor.
Last edited by redplum33; 10-06-2018 at 02:25 PM..
Or maybe he just likes to keep in touch with his sister?
Occam's Razor.
Possible, but highly unlikely, since as the OP has stated in the first post that he wants to "chat about nothing all day and night every single day", this behaviour goes far beyond just liking to keep in touch with his sister. The abnormal behaviour fits all the parameters of texting addiction and if the OP stops responding so frequently her brother will find other text addicts to correspond with about nothing all day and night every single day in order to continue feeding his addiction.
He needs to recognize that he has an addiction to dopamine spikes, but like most internet and text addicts he will probably refuse to recognize it. Furthermore, if indeed all he wants to do is "keep in touch" with his sister all day and night every single day then he has a much worse and more damaging mental health disorder than simply being addicted to the high gained from constant dopamine spikes.
Okay, I am venting here and I ask that the mods move this thread if it does not belong here, but my brother drives me CRAZY!
He is one of those people who sends "Entertain me" texts. Like he needs to be entertained almost 24/7 by someone. A lot of the time that ends up being through text. It drives me nuts because I don't need to always be talking to someone all the time. And when he texts me (wanting me to engage in a conversation with him of course) we don't end up even talking about anything substantial. It's just BS "wyd" type stuff and "I feel so full after eating breakfast" type stuff 90% of the time which I can do without, but HE CAN'T. I am venting here because I won't be rude to him and say this to him. And I tell myself that it's just a text, I don't have to respond, but it's my brother and I feel like I should entertain him and/or keep him company by text if that's what he wants. By the way, we live far apart so that's why the texting, but sheesh, do we have to chat about nothing all day and night every single day? To me, it reminds me of what you might do when you're in a relationship - talk about nothing or anything when you're together. But this is text and he's my brother and it drives me NUTS. I don't even like doing it with my friends, which thankfully I only have 1 friend who does this and I don't feel the need to engage with her when she does. I know what you guys are going to say - just don't respond, but I struggle with that because he's my brother and I'm just venting here anyway.
Okay...phew... I feel better now already. Thanks for listening.
Why does your grown brother require babysitting? Most people outgrow a need for that when they're around 4 years old.
Have you tried steering the conversation to something real? What does he do if you say, "Hey, I was glad to hear from you because I had the worst day at work and I need someone's advice on how to handle this thing with my boss." Then, if he quickly goes back to talking about nothing, you could reply sparingly until you eventually wean him off of that type of communication? Or, you could instead ask him a serious question about something going on in his life. Steer the conversation away from the silly stuff some way or another and see if you can make that stick. Idk. I'm sorry--you really just wanted to vent and I understand that.
Or maybe he just likes to keep in touch with his sister?
Occam's Razor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoisite
Possible, but highly unlikely, since as the OP has stated in the first post that he wants to "chat about nothing all day and night every single day", this behaviour goes far beyond just liking to keep in touch with his sister. The abnormal behaviour fits all the parameters of texting addiction and if the OP stops responding so frequently her brother will find other text addicts to correspond with about nothing all day and night every single day in order to continue feeding his addiction.
He needs to recognize that he has an addiction to dopamine spikes, but like most internet and text addicts he will probably refuse to recognize it. Furthermore, if indeed all he wants to do is "keep in touch" with his sister all day and night every single day then he has a much worse and more damaging mental health disorder than simply being addicted to the high gained from constant dopamine spikes.
I'd like further clarification of "nothing". Seinfeld was always referred to as a "show about nothing" but that clearly was not accurate.
OP, if not too difficult or intrusive, could you copy/paste or screenshot a one day exchange of texts between you and your brother?
OP srjth, the person you know sounds very lonely. He's using texting and communicating with you as a way to alleviate his loneliness.
I see this as a possibility also.
Show us some texts, OP, so we can get a better understanding of what's going on.
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