How to decline walking my mother down the aisle (bitterness, Christmas, house)
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This is not the reasoning of an adult. It is the reasoning of an immature adolescent still under the impression that he or she is the center of the universe while at the same time believing everyone is laughing at them for participating in something "sappy." Adults recognize the value of these events. They do not consider them "sappy" or an "eye roll." (Seriously. That's the reasoning of a 12-year-old).
It seems like a lot of posters believe that all mothers are created by hallmark.
My mom's abuse was subtle. She ground my self esteem and self confidence into the dirt without other people noticing. Even I didn't realize how bad it was until I was in my 40s. Best thing I ever did for myself was to cut her out of my life.
OP, just say no, you'd rather not. If she's like my mom, you'll be reviled no matter what excuse you give her, and if you actually walked her down the aisle, she'd criticise how you did it then try to rope you into some other unpleasant, thankless task.
It seems like a lot of posters believe that all mothers are created by hallmark.
My mom's abuse was subtle. She ground my self esteem and self confidence into the dirt without other people noticing. Even I didn't realize how bad it was until I was in my 40s. Best thing I ever did for myself was to cut her out of my life.
OP, just say no, you'd rather not. If she's like my mom, you'll be reviled no matter what excuse you give her, and if you actually walked her down the aisle, she'd criticise how you did it then try to rope you into some other unpleasant, thankless task.
So now you are saying she emotionally abused you. keep changing the goalpost
I never changed the goalpost. You can hurt people in many different ways in the name of religion to prove your worth or prove your devotion. Instead you have already made up your mind that she was a parent who never did anything wrong by me and I just out of nowhere decided to cut them off. I don't care what you think. I still am not believed by many people and that's fine. It made me angry in the past but that goes nowhere.
My question which was answered sufficiently was about how not why which more people focused on and I have to explain my past which I decided to put behind me and move forward. There are always stupid people in this world though.
Last edited by Turntable; 10-15-2018 at 10:48 PM..
I never changed the goalpost. You can hurt people in many different ways in the name of religion to prove your worth or prove your devotion. Instead you have already made up your mind that she was a parent who never did anything wrong by me and I just out of nowhere decided to cut them off. I don't care what you think. I still am not believed by any people and that's fine. It made me angry in the past but that goes nowhere.
My question which was answered sufficiently was about how not why which more people focused on and I have to explain my past which I decided to put behind me and move forward. There are always stupid people in this world though.
You were not upfront in your original post that would allow anyone to understand the context. Sheesh ! It’s hardly surprising people have trouble believing you.
You were not upfront in your original post that would allow anyone to understand the context. Sheesh ! It’s hardly surprising people have trouble believing you.
It really isn't relevant. What does my childhood have to do with how to decline a role in a wedding?
It really isn't relevant. What does my childhood have to do with how to decline a role in a wedding?
Because your reasons for not wanting to be a part of your mom's
wedding were superficial and not believable. It is obvious you are estranged from your family but it is not clear why. It seems to have something to do with your mother's religious beliefs. But you are not alleging abuse or intense indoctrination.
If I understand you correctly, you feel you have forgiven her but do not want reconciliation. If that is the case, then I agree with another poster that you should tell her this. But I also agree that this will cut you off from your family. So--count the costs.
OP, if you would go to her if she were direly ill, then I think you should do as she asks. I also think it would be OK to ask to be a guest, and not a member of the wedding party.
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keep changing the goalpost 
